The Thing. | TeenInk

The Thing.

March 27, 2009
By JessC SILVER, Waterloo, Other
JessC SILVER, Waterloo, Other
7 articles 6 photos 27 comments

It was a dark and stormy night, and I was running – more like stumbling – across the muddy soccer field. I could feel my heart pounding against my chest. I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t find my voice. I wanted to take a rest, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop. I would die if I did. Or, at least I thought I would.
There was something – something unnatural – following me. Chasing my, really.
I wanted to wake up from this nightmare, to be able to say to myself ‘It was just a bad dream’, but I knew that wouldn’t happen. This was real. There was no way of denying it.
Then, suddenly, I fell in what had now turned to mud. My body hit the ground with a soft thud.
I couldn’t get up. My legs were aching.
I finally managed to sit up.
Then, I felt a cold, bony hand on my shoulder. “Hello, Claire.” It said. He sounded human, but I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t see his face in the dark.


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This article has 10 comments.


bodyrocker said...
on Mar. 15 2011 at 10:20 am
Hey, i love your peice it reminds me of a story i like when i get the scary storie books at the libary

LastChapter said...
on Jul. 15 2010 at 2:20 pm
LastChapter, Hempstead, New York
0 articles 0 photos 215 comments

Favorite Quote:
(couldn't think of anything better at the time) "Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."-Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.

This is such a helpful comment! I wish everyone commented like this. I have to say I agree with a lot of what you were getting at. Its great that you care so much.

JessC SILVER said...
on Dec. 9 2009 at 6:48 pm
JessC SILVER, Waterloo, Other
7 articles 6 photos 27 comments
I accually agree with yew. when i look bak at this, i always want to rewrite it, and i have. about 3 times, accually! I posted one new version, and ill be shure to post another soon!

on Dec. 9 2009 at 6:43 pm
xenon333 PLATINUM, Billerica, Massachusetts
42 articles 0 photos 150 comments
Very good. Could use some improvement, but overall well-written. Again, avoid careless mistakes and over-used lines like, "It was a dark and stormy night." Good work :)

JessC SILVER said...
on May. 14 2009 at 12:19 pm
JessC SILVER, Waterloo, Other
7 articles 6 photos 27 comments
OK, I re-rwote this article. heres the link

TeenInk.com/raw/Fiction/article/106684/Untitled/

JessC SILVER said...
on Apr. 29 2009 at 10:35 pm
JessC SILVER, Waterloo, Other
7 articles 6 photos 27 comments
im rewriting this text, cuz i reread it, and i agree. it could use some improvement. and im also adding some at the end, cuz i got this idea, and so im gonna add that. and i didnt take ur advice as harsh. Ive taught myself 2 take advice as constuctive critasism. so thnx. give as much advice as you want. i dont mind.

on Apr. 29 2009 at 8:34 pm
hey_itskatelyn PLATINUM, Willis, Texas
21 articles 0 photos 217 comments

Favorite Quote:
“God, of your goodness, give me yourself; you are enough for me, and anything less that I could ask for would not do you full honour. And if I ask anything that is less, I shall always lack something, but in you alone I have everything”

much talent! I rly hope tht u didnt take my advice as harsh, i was rly just tryin2help bcuz i saw the comment u made on the bottom of ur piece. U dont have to even listen2my suggestions, its ttly okay:) Katelyn H. Check out iLove or Heartbroken or my profile(:

on Apr. 25 2009 at 2:52 am
hey_itskatelyn PLATINUM, Willis, Texas
21 articles 0 photos 217 comments

Favorite Quote:
“God, of your goodness, give me yourself; you are enough for me, and anything less that I could ask for would not do you full honour. And if I ask anything that is less, I shall always lack something, but in you alone I have everything”

You are not a bad writer, but u certainly have room for improvement. Dont be discouraged, instead be encouraged that u started writing early. Here are some suggestions: In your twilight article as well as this one, you have many spelling and grammatical errors. (actress is spelled wrong in the other article. And in this one, there were many awkward lines: "I would die if I did", and "chasing my really.") Try rewording some things to make it flow better and avoid those careless mistakes. I think u have potential, but a long way to go. Also, work on your endings. Both of your pieces lack a solid conclusion. So if u aspire to be a writer, then just work on these things. The most important thing is PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE. Keep writing to improve. In the mean time, check out some other teen authors and learn from them. If you have any questions or comments, just write a comment on one of my pieces with your question and Id be happy to help. I dont consider myself an expert, far from it, but I would be happy to share what I do know with you.

Advance search one of these pieces:

iLove

Caged

A Lake of Memories

The Cracked Foundation

all by me (Katelyn H. screen name is pinkvolleyballgirl)

And type your question or comment there.

I wish u all the best:)

JessC SILVER said...
on Apr. 6 2009 at 10:03 pm
JessC SILVER, Waterloo, Other
7 articles 6 photos 27 comments
plz comment. I need 2 know if I'm any good at writing. its my plan B in life, but I dont think I'm any good. So, plz comment and tell me what you think.

Thnx, Jess W.

JessC SILVER said...
on Apr. 6 2009 at 8:56 pm
JessC SILVER, Waterloo, Other
7 articles 6 photos 27 comments
I know, bad title, but i couldnt think of anything til' after I submitted it. sry 'bout that