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All these things
I jump in front of cars just to feel the wind hit me.
I cut myself just to feel the gushing of the blood leaving my veins.
I pop ten too many prescriptions just to feel the clump of pills go down my throat.
I jump in the ocean, having no idea how to swim. Just to feel the suffocating water.
I stop a little sooner.
I push the blade a little harder.
I gulp a little more.
I sink a little longer.
All because I know it’s as close to death as I can get.
But I really know, nothings as good as dying.
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