No matter how much I starve myself I’m still not skinny enough. No matter how much makeup I wear I’m not pretty enough. No matter how many friends I have I’m still a loser. I don’t know why I see myself this way.
It all started in gym when the whistle blew. "Change," said Coach Jill, as the mob ran to the locker. I was in terror. I was the furthest person away from the locker room and I am very self-conscious about my body so I always change in the stall.
I am thinking to myself, “What are the girls going to think when they see me? I’m so fat!" I run down the gym as fast as I could pushing people out of my way and run in and all the stalls are taken so I have to change in front of the girls with the "perfect bodies".
"Eww," screamed Amanda ,the girl who everyone adored, as she points at me "look at Cindy you can see her bones she’s anorexic. She’s just gross!" she says.
"Leave her alone she didn’t do anything to you." said Beth my only friend in gym
"Oh look," Amanda said as she stuck out her glossy red lips "the freak’s friend is looking out for her how sweet." I threw my clothes on as fast as I ever had, trying not to cry, I ran out of the locker room.
Later at lunch I got nothing and Beth got a plate full of food. "How do you stay so skinny and eat so much," I said my mouth watering over her French-fries I could not tell you the last time I had one of those.
"How can you not eat at all is what I’m wondering." she said as she handed me a fry.
"No I can’t. I’m on a diet." I said as I pushed her hand away.
"Hey Cindy" said Amanda with the smile of pure evil "You look thin, you should eat here have some of this." she says as she dumps a tray of food on me, everyone laughed I got up with tears down my face and ran to the bath room. I felt like I was going to throw up but I didn’t have any food to throw up. So I sat in there crying until final bell rang.
When I got home I walked into my parents yelling at each other so I went straight to my room and got on Facebook just to see Amanda posting more stuff about me. I slam my computer down and sit there tears pouring down my face I can hear my parents yelling through the wall. I sat there thinking "I should end it all.". I pull out a piece of paper and write "Mom, Dad I love you both and you couldn’t have loved me more, or been better parents then you already are. I will tell you why I wrote this letter, because I can’t go anywhere without being judged and criticized so if I can’t have a good life why should I have one at all? Goodbye, forever." I grabbed my pencil sharpener, and began to unscrew it, revealing the sharp blade slightly worn out but still sharp to the touch. I began to slit my wrist. There is so much pain but I know it's all worth it
"It will be over soon, no more Amanda, no more starvation, I'll finally be happy." I said to myself clinching my teeth, tears rushing down my face. I lifted the blade to look, the first cut wasn't very deep. I lowered my hand to make a second cut as I heard the doorknob turn.
My mom walked in "Honey dinner is ... what are you doing!" She attempted to grab the blade out of my hand, I fought back. I just wanted to die, I just wanted to disappear.
"You can’t help me! Let go! This is what I want!" I screamed trying to keep my grip, she eventually got it away from me.
"Why?" she said tears rushing down her face. "Your life is so amazing," she paused and looked at the note. "We're going to the hospital, now."
She jerked me into the car and as she was backing down the driveway I jumped out of the car. She grabbed me and had my dad hold me down until we got to the hospital. The doctor stitched me up.
"You need to go to rehab." the doctor said
"No I am not crazy. I don’t need help." I said looking at my IV slowly drip.
"Honey it’s best for you" my dad said holding my hand.
"Three months." the doctor said.
"Okay, if it's for the best, I'll try." I said.
After rehab I weighed 120 pounds before I weighed 83. I made new friends and realized that I wasn’t the only one like this. Unfortunately, my mom and dad split while I was in rehab but at least they don’t fight anymore. Amanda got expelled and schools not so bad anymore. While I was out I still took classes and graduated with my class and Beth made an anti-bullying club called Cindy’s Saviors and now I know that no matter what people say, I AM PERFECT.