I'm not sure it comes down to the dreams that lie dormant in the depths of a childhood mind, or the times that is prepped in order to say just exactly how it feels, yet never being able to get the words farther than the very tip of the tongue. It's the want which cannot be had, and having the unwanted fighting behind it all. The worst part is what's done is done. Using the excuse that 'no one understands', and yet others know better then the distraught speaker. They are completely unsure at that point; unsure of morals, the dreams imprinted in the mind, the way life was to be and how it's no longer. It all slips away just at the snap of the fingers. That one moment they thought they could handle, that they have never actually faced, but knew what to do, what to say, but fear, sin, and vice brought the pain that now forever lives within. It's not interchangeable. It changes a lot.

It's hard to recover or to not make the same mistake again, but often it happens more and more. It becomes easier and easier to do and harder and harder to forgive. Forgiving others resembles that of breathing compared to the strength and perseverance forgiving oneself takes. It comes down to that moment when life fights back and no reaction is taken. We let the sin run us down to the ground because it's easier.
But no one ever said life would be easy. Hell if life was easy, there would be no point. If it weren't for the moments that ruin us, they wouldn't define us. When life comes with boxing gloves we bring out the big guns. We hit it straight on. Undeniably we stumble in the occurrence that caused our greatest downfall. It's inevitable that we stray from the path we have always thought we wholeheartedly believed. The act is something no one can overcome. It lives with us. It brings piles of hurt, but more importantly it brings hope. If the act were not realized by the doer to be wrong, then change would never be an answer. One may never forgive themselves till they die in peace knowing they strive to change and bring the fault to a halt. It is all based on believing. Not the dreams and aspirations we had or have, but full hearted believing in oneself. That no matter what life has it's holes, but knowing that there is a net below each to break the fall and to arise hope when we need it the most.Open your eyes. Take it all in. Let it all happen until it affects you. Then, then i say to you, be the change this world needs. Be the one to change lives, because you don't want anyone else to feel the sharp pain of self-hate in the eroding dark heart you called fine when someone asked. You have changed. You have survived. You are the person so many look to for help in a time like yours. Be their rock.

(Share your story (anonymously of course) about your regrets and change. And remember you are loved :) )