I picked up the phone and on the other end of the phone, I heard: “He was in surgery and there was a complication with his heart. Unfortunately, he isn’t with us anymore.” Those were the most devastating words I ever came across until then.  I didn’t hear anything after that, my mother tried to talk with me but I hung up the phone and burst into tears.  I was an ocean away from my family and there was nothing I could do. My cousins didn’t have any knowledge of what had happened and they were worried to see me in tears. They and the other relatives surrounded me, talked to me and tried to give me comfort, but there was nothing that could make me feel any better.  I lost my “Gjyshi”, which was my nickname for him. A part of me was gone, my best friend was no longer with me and I wasn’t even there. 
   

I couldn't believe it! Since I was born he was there. I  grew up with him. He taught me how to write and he helped me with math, taught me how to play chess and was always on my side. I use to tell him everything. We would go for a walk around our neighborhood in summer and he would always buy me something to eat, an ice cream or junk food that I liked. He used to write poems for or about me, they were no Victor Hugo poems, but to me, they were sweet, heartwarming and perfect.

And now, I couldn’t do those things anymore. No more walks around the neighborhood, no more chess lessons, no more jokes with him, no more poems, but the most important no more Gjyshi. I wanted to say goodbye to him but I couldn't. I hated myself for that and  I hated not being in Albania and not being in the hospital with him. It hurt so much and it still does. That day I cried myself to sleep and a few days after that as well.
   

The next day was the funeral and the only thing I could do is call my mom and tell her to put a bouquet of flowers on my name, on his grave. So,  I did and I waited for her to tell me that she did it. It was just a small gesture for a big occurrence in my life. Just a bunch of flowers that is all. I was just too far and too devastated to say goodbye to GJYSHI.