Jeremy gets up in a hurry. Instead of getting up slow and daydreaming, them looking out the window muttering things about every car that drives by, Jeremy grabs his computer and starts typing, “I walked in to the BBC headquarters on a rainy Saturday thinking about what car review I would do next.  I had this feeling that something was up as I walked into the modern building. But as I entered my office, boy was I surprised, Richard and May talking with the producers with big smiles on their faces. Richard, who was by far the happiest of all of us told me the news. The producers would give us 5000 pounds to buy a SUV to go from Seattle to Anchorage. Immediately I went to my office and jumped on ebay.
I had done this many times, Gone on ebay and bought a used car from a different country for who knows what reason. I scrolled through hundreds of off-road cars for under 5,000 pounds, which is about 8,000 U.S dollars and couldn’t find the right one. I look at American cars, and European cars but nothing seemed to fit. Then I found it, a 2004 Land Rover Discovery 2 for 4,954 pounds. The price of the car didn’t seem to fit the age of the car, but you never know, so I took it. However, when the car does break down, it will be hard to fix, mostly because that year Land Rover decided to make the car basically a computer with wheels. Also Land Rover’s aren’t know for their dependability. I thought to myself what stupid car would the idiots choose. I knew that Richard would get something American, and James something ridiculous.
When the time came to start filming, I was very excited. I was a long, beautiful flight from London to Seattle, first class at least. Those poor cameramen must had to have their legs cut off to fit in the coach seats. The producers told us we had three days till our cars arrived, so we could experience the city. I just stayed in my hotel room, while Billy, and Bob went to a american football game. After two wasted days in the Hotel it was time to meet with our cars.
We were told to meet at the west parking lot of the Seattle Seahawks stadium. I, naturally, was the first to get there. In my american blue jeans, and white button down I did look a little out of place in my Rover. Richard was the next to get there. As he turned around the corner in a loud, unsurprising, American Jeep. It was a 1998 Jeep Wrangler Sport Utility that had be modified by its previous redneck owner to have five huge off road tires. It had also been raised so that the idiotic tires could fit. In a car that had already been terrible at handling, and that could be beaten by James May running in a drag race, the raised Jeep with large tires was almost undriveable. It had about ten horse power and would probably roll over each time you turn, that is if you get the car to the turn in the first place. So Richard had chosen the wrong car once again.
Immediately after he got out of his car the praise started.
“Well, what do you think, not that I care entirely, 4 door, raised, and huge tires, and may I add, the perfect choice.”
I responded, “ It isn’t, what it is, is a car with fancy looks but no power. This is a real off roader, it's a land Rover, the best off roader there is.”
He said, “Rubbish, your car is meant for rich soccer moms to go to yoga class.”
At that moment we were interrupted by the sound of a confused man.
I thought to myself, “Has he really bought a Japanese car.”
He did, and it wasn’t just any Japanese car, it was a Toyota Land Cruiser, which had a previous owner that loved off roading. With all the modifications there was no way it had cost less than 5,000 pounds.
When he parked next to us he got out of the car he started talking, “Once again I have done this the right way, unlike you idiots, and I have gotten a 1994 4 door Toyota Land Cruiser that has been modified for a journey just like our. I imagine that the Land Rover is yours Clarkson, and the Jeep is Hammonds.”
Then Richard and I complained, “ Theres no way on God’s green earth that that car was under 5,000 pounds.”
With no hesitation James responded, “ It isn’t, it was 6,000 pounds, but all worth it.”
Then Richard stated, “ So you cheated, Right, there you have it, we haven’t even begun and James has already cheated.”
As we continued arguing about who had boughten the right car and why the others were stupid, the producer gave us an envelope.

The envelope read, “Shut-up, you are all idiots.
Richard interrupted, “A little direct.”
It continued, “You will drive you cars from here to a place called the Delta Golf Club near Vancouver.
We hopped in our cars and got ready for the long journey ahead of us, but there was a problem. James car wouldn’t start! James opened his door, got out the slammed it behind him, he had spent 1,000 pounds of his own money so he could have the”perfect car.” And now his is the first one to break down. He went over to the hood and opened it up. James noticed that the starter plug had been unplugged. Richard was laughing, and he asked what the problem was, even though he was the one that did it in the first place. James annoyed, but relieved that it wasn’t a fault with his car, gave Richard the “you idiot look” as he plugged the starter back in and shut the hood.
So they started the engines again and this time were really ready to get going. They pulled out of Seattle, and got on the 5 to start heading up north to the border. About five minutes into the journey and I already had a mini challenge idea. His idea was that we all fill up at the next petrol station, and see which one of our cars could get the best gas mileage. Knowing their cars would lose, complaining came across the radio.
RIchard complained,”James and I have real off roaders, not a moms shopping car, ours aren't made for gas mileage, there made for climbing over rocks.”
Then I said, “well then it looks like you two imbecile bought the wrong cars.”
Annoyed Richard agreed,” Fine then, I’ll do your stupid challenge, but the next challenge will be climbing up a wall or driving across a river.”
We all agreed to go fill up in the next town called Lynnwood. Then we continued up the 5 north heading straight for the border. We all knew that Richard’s car would lose, with its raised suspension, and large tires, it basically would drink a whole gas station. And I knew that my car would win. My car was the lightest, by far, and the smallest, by far, but also newest. That meant that the technology was more advanced when my ca was made, so the engineers knew how to mix power and capability with a fuel efficient vehicle.
I didn’t knowtist this at the time, but James's car had two, one gallon gas canisters on the back of his car. Of course he didn’t mention it either because that was his only chance of winning. Richard, also knowing that he wouldn’t win decided to take a “short” cut. James and I had both decided to get off the 5 and get on highway 539 because it was shorter. Richard had decided to continue on the 5, assuming that he doesn’t run out of fuel by then. Though the 5 was longer it was faster. For every hour Richard would go about twenty miles farther than us, but with traffic that could change. But what Richard didn’t know was that the border at the 5 was a lot busier than the way James and I were going.
When we got to the splitting point, with James and Richard having barely enough fuel to Canada, James decided to go with Richard. Thats when the race really started.

My car was the fastest of us all, and my car had been the least modified, so the engine produced about the same as it did when the car was new. James car had been highly modified, but by professionals, so it was almost even more powerful than it had been in 1998. However Richards car had been modified by lunatics, and had lost most of its power.
On the 539, the way I took, the speed limit was only 55. On the 5 the speed limit was 75 to 80. That meant, for every hour I drove, Richard and James would drive twenty more miles than me. I was cruising along at a steady 60 mph, when I saw the worst thing possible...traffic. I radioed to Richard a James telling them that everything was all clear, even though it wasn’t. They had a problem too. Richard’s car had overheated, so he had to pull over and let it cool down. That had cost Richard lots of time, James, in typical TopGear fashion, hadn't stopped to help, so he pulled far ahead. Then there was me, stuck in traffic with no where to go. I didn’t have much longer to go, but moving as slow as I was, it would take me a while. On the other hand, James was getting closer, and closer to the border. Richard had finished his fixing his car, and was now moving toward the border, but he was so far behind, nobody cared how he was doing. I only had about five more miles when I heard James voice on the radio.
“I’m here and I don’t see anyone else.”
Then I said, “Ohh, you barely beat me, I’m only about four miles away now.”
Then, far behind us Richard chimed in, “It’ll just be a bit before I make it.”
When I made it to the border, I had to meet-up with James, who was almost a hundred miles to the west of where I crossed. Richard had a better chance of getting to James before the night, than I did. With the sun going under the horizon, I got the the hotel and met Richard and James in the bar. We sat there talking about our cars and how they coped with the first part of our journey. It started to get late and James went off to his room. Like most guys trip we had to do something to him, or better yet his car.
Richard and I sat in the bar thinking of what we could do to his car. One idea was we paint it pink, or put the air conditioning then unplug the the wires so he couldn’t switch it of. Then Richard had the greatest idea we have ever had on Top Gear.
He said,”Why don’t we take the wires for his horn out of the steering wheel, and attach it the the brakes. So that whenever James brakes, which we both know is a lot, the horn goes off.”
Amazed about the pure geniusness of my colleague, the only words I could think of were “Richard, I think thats the best idea we have ever come-up with.”
So we got to work. Richard had agreed to work with all the hard, nerdy wire work, while I agreed to go buy cheetah print seat cover. And also to spray paint pink race stripes across the car. While I went off to the store to look for spray paint and for seat covers, Richard got to work on the horn brake thingy. He had to first take out the airbag in the steering wheel, and then thread it through the engine, and attach it to his brake lights. That would make it so that whenever James would brake, his tail lights would light up like always, but his horn would also go off. When Richard was just about done, I got back. I didn’t have cheetah seat covers, but I had something better, cheetah duck tape, and a lot of it. Richard painted the pink race stripes on the bonnet while I was inside the car wrapping the all the seats with cheetah duck tape. It took me awhile to finish my masterpiece, but when I finished it looked like absolute crap, which in this case it perfect. Then i decided to take the leftover tape and put a long stripe down the middle of the car, between the pink stripes.
James car look amazingly terrible. When you saw it from a far it looked like a car that a boyfriend would buy and the angry girlfriend that wanted a Jetta would force him to put something for her on it. The pink stripes went from the license plate to the back bumper. It was a full gloss, hot pink color, that against the matted black of the car definitely stood out. The cheetah print duck tape stripe between the two pink stripes look great. It helped the already noticeable stripes even better, especially because it wasn’t perfect, it was messy. The great too, Richard had used the extra paint to paint the steering wheel. And the seat covers were just hilarious. So then from up close the car looked like the angry girlfriend went off and tried to make the car her own, on a budget of coarse. This was the best TopGear prank ever. 
The next morning started like any other typical TopGear day. We all met down in the restaurant for breakfast. We talked about what the day had in store, and how we expected our cars to do. Richard and I did an unexpectedly good job keeping from laughing about the clueless James. We walked outside to continue our journey. The it happened, James saw his car. With his jaw dropped he looked at the smirking me, then over the cracking up Richard. Then James went on to say some words that I can’t put in this book, because of the baby children. All I can tell you is it was hilarious. All he saw was the pink stripes, he hadn’t seen the seats yet.
When he walked over to the car he looked in and said, “You absolute and utter idiots have ruined my car.”
James hadn't yet seen it all, of course we still had the break jorn thing that Richard had created. When we started off again it didn’t take long for Captain Slow to hit the brakes. We pulled up to the red light before the on ramp to the freeway. We pulled up one by one quietly just like a normal until James came, pressing the brakes like he is supposed to, the all of the sudden his car’s horn went off. It startled James, but he immediately knew what had happened.
James said, “How did you two manage to make my horn go off every time I hit the brakes.”
Then he went on to say, “what other things did you catastrophic idiots do to ruin my car.”
They Richard responded, “You’ll just have to wait and see.”
Even though we hadn't done anything else.
As we continued down the freeway I was beginning to think about my car. even though my car wasn’t the best off roader, it still was the best. It hadn’t broken down in a race, like Richard, and it started at the beginning, unlike James. And it was the best, fastest, most comfortable car, I’m still not sure how it will do during the winter in Alaska.
The miles just flew by, it was perfect, me and two of my mates all driving cars of our choice, with no break-downs or challenges. It was as good as the tripe would probably ever be. Until my car decided it was tired. I pulled to the side of the road, smoke was coming out of the engine, I hoped it was just the engine overheating. I had to tell James and Richard that I had pulled over my car.
I broke the radio silence and said, “We all know my car is perfect in every possible way, but she told me that she needed a rest.”
Of course James and Richard had something to say.
“Oh, is the like weak schoolgirl tired of running,” Richard said followed by James saying, “With stupid car comes lousy mistakes.”
“Thanks for your much needed input,” I said as I went over to investigate the problem.
I went to the front of my car and opened the bonnet, I was relieved to find out that it was just an overheated engine. But then I found out a little something more worrying, one of the propellers on the fan was broken clear off. As I shut the door and went over to wait for the engine to cool down, stupid one and stupid two drove past me. About five minute later the car was ready but it was probably gonna overheat again.
I met up with the guys right about when we entered the first challenge at the Delta Golf club. When we pulled in and got out of our cars, the producers gave us another challenge.

Richard was handed the golden envelope, he read the challenge, it said, “We know your cars are made for hard offroading, but how will they handle the greens? You will each have to be the caddies for two business men. You will rake the sandpit, tell them what club to use, and most importantly drive them around the course in your cars. They will each rate you out of 10 points. And the fastest time gets an additional 5 points. Good luck, and you might want to put something plaid on.”
    Immediately there was a problem, none of us know anything about golfing, and even worse I don’t wear plaid. Another thing that was rather worrying was that our cars were all huge, raised off-roaders.
We all decided, well James and I did, that Richard and his ridiculous Jeep would go first. His passengers were two blocks from a real estate company in Vancouver, and they looked like the expert golfer type. Richard went over in his stupid pink shorts and plaid shirt, and even stupider Jeep. He met them in the parking lot. All our cars had gotten a golf club rack to hold the clubs, and thats the only modification we were allowed.
    Richard got out of his car and introduce himself to Phil and John ,” Hello, my name is Richard and I will be your caddie for the day.”
    Phil and John were two best friends from Ohio. They both had been good friends in college, and when they got out, they started a very successful real estate company. Both Phil and John enjoy the life of a one percenter, and they decided to travel the world and golf, and eat. Being not very tall, the food went into their bodies, and the weight didn’t stretch, it sat, creating all abnormally large stomach. Also with their short fat bodies came a rude “I’m better than you are” mentality. Not being the fittest of all, they were worried when they didn’t see Richard’s cart.
Joe and Phil look around and ask,”Where's the golf cart.”
Richard replies, “Don’t you ever get tired of the small, girly, cramped golf cart? Without giving them time to answer. “Well no need for that today, because today I will be driving you around in my car.”
Richard is smiling and pointing at his huge Jeep. Phil and Joe look at him and have the look like, are you serious. James and I can’t stop laughing.
Joe and Phil hop in the car while Richard is trying to figure out how to put the golf clubs in the rack on the back of his car. About ten minutes of us laughing and annoyed golfers trying to help Richard, he finally was off to the first hole of 18. Because of the additional 5 points for fastest time at steak, and because of the ten minutes wasted, Richard didn’t use the golf cart track. The course officials let some other golfers ahead of Richard because of him being ten minutes late, so on the way to the first hole, Richard floored it.
Richard was destroying the course and he hadn’t even gotten to the first hole yet. He was able to get to the first hole ahead of the people the course let go first. It was a par 3, Richard went over to the clubs and he picked the only club he knew, the driver, he walked back over to Joe and Phil. 
Richard tried to hand them the club but they looked at him and said, “Do you think we are twelve year old girls?”
They sent poor Hammond back, he looked at us with a confused look. He went over to the bags and looked up on his iphone what club to use. He went back to them with two 9 irons. Joe and Phil looked pleased and took the clubs and hit the ball to the green. Both of them hit the green, they gave the clubs back to Hammond and they all hoped in the car to drive to the green. Richard had a different idea, instead of making the overweight Phil walk to the green, he drove his car right on it! This was a kind of absurd thing to do in the world of cars. Maybe he was just lazy and thought that would be a good alternative. So he just drove up and parked in the sand pit. The discussted Phil and Joe got out of the car and grabbed the putters on their own. It had only been one hole in and they were already annoyed with Richard. As off now the only way Richard had a chance on winning was to try and get the fastest time.
Richard also realized that he needed to win the fastest time. He sped off to the next hole, and skidded to a stop. He got out of the car and helped Phil and Joe to their clubs. This time Richard actually to our amazement got it right, and got they a driver for a par 5. Phil and Joe were impressed, Richard maybe had a chance of getting a good rate from them. Or at least we thought he did, but then Richard made a huge mistake. While Joe was getting ready to hit the ball, or in the middle of his backswing, Richard’s phone started ringing. A very loud distraction that caused Joe to hit his ball clear out of bounds. Joe was very angry, and let Richard know he wasn’t happy.
For the next five holes there wasn’t much interaction between player and caddie. Richard had no clue what he was doing, and Joe and Phil knew that. All Richard did was drive them to their balls as fast as he could. Finally at the ninth hole Richard went over to the snack shack and ordered the golfers each a beer and burger for when they finished the match. Also while he was waiting for them to tee off, Richard had looked-up “what clubs to use” on his iphone. So on the next hole, hole ten a par 4, Richard jumped out before Phil and Joe could, and grabbed the less powerful Phil a driver, and Joe a 3 wood. They were grateful, and Richard was slowly getting himself back in the game.
Hole by hole Richard was grabbing the right clubs, and saying the right things at the right time. Richard was doing good, almost too good, so James and I had to do something. So we decided to do something that Richard would never find out who it was. We called the course officials and complained that Richard was going too slow and that we were tired of waiting behind us. The manager said he would try to help us, and sure enough he did. While Joe was teeing off, the manager drove up in a golf cart and to Richard to speed it up. So Richard had to go over to Phil and Joe, and tell them to “speed it up.” They weren’t happy that they had to be forced to go faster.
After almost 5 hours off golfing Joe and Phil finished. They said and very ungrateful thank you to Richard, but then he told them that they weren’t finished. Richard said that they had a nice lunch for them. Joe and Phil were surprised and said a real thanks. James and I decided that Richards time would officially end when Joe and Phil finished their lunch.
Richard came back to where we were watching his progress. He told us that his time was 4 hours and 50 minutes, but we disagreed.
“What do you mean you disagree?” Richard complained.
“That wasn’t your time” I said.
“Yes it was, I had a stopwatch!” Richard continued.
“Yes but, your golfers haven’t finished eating their lunch, that you bought them, so it counts towards your time.”
“Rubbish.” Richard replied.
But it wasn’t rubbish. Richard had gotten a 6 out of 10 from the generous Phil and Joe. And the time to beat for the 5 bonus points was five hours and thirty-four minutes. Next it James turn, who happened to know more about golf than either of us.

James was to meet his golfers at one o’clock. So at 12:45 James pulled into the parking lot. James had taken a different route than Richard, instead of going looking like a golfer himself, James had bought one on the white onesies that professional caddies use. James looked like a homeless painter in that outfit.
    When it was almost one o’clock, James pulled his car around to meet his golfers. They were both lawyers from Australia, on vacation, and wasting their time golfing with James. Their names were Mark, and Dogen. When James got out of his car they just looked at him with, this is gonna be a long day look. They asked James were the golf cart was. James looked at them and smiled, “ Its right here,” he said as he pointed at his overpriced toyota. Mark was confused and asked James, in a not so nice way, if he thought they were a joke.
    James had the producers explain, then Mark apologised and him and Dogen hoped in the car and they were on their way. The first hole was a par 3, they got out of the car, and James ran over and grabbed them both a 9 iron. Mark and Dogen grabbed their clubs, and took their shots. Dogen had hit his very badly, and it went straight into another fairway. So that took some extra time for James to have to drive him there, then Mark to the green. It wasn’t much of a setback, but in a race time is everything. James took them to the next hole, but there were slow people in front of him, so he had to wait. Eventually Mark and Dogan got frustrated. They asked James to call it in. So James called the front office and complained about the people in front of him. The people got mad, but Mark, James , and Dogan still got to go in front of them. That made Mark and Dogen probably like James more, and might give him a high score. Richard and I had to do something. Richard had a genius idea, he would get a snack cart and drive it around, and make James look bad.
    Richard drove around in the cart selling snacks for about ten minutes before he approached James. He went up to them and asked if they wanted a snack. Mark and Dogan both said beer, and a snickers bar. When Richard was handing the stuff to James, he purposely spilled it on to James. Of course, Richard blamed the altercation on James, to make him look bad, and he only offered a new beers if they bought them. That made Mark and Dogan even madder at James, which was good for me cause I had to go next. James had to make it up to them somehow, so he offered to buy the drinks.
    James and his golfers continued golfing for awhile without anything that exciting happening. It was just hole to hole for about an hour until something truly amazing happened. On about the seventh hole things were going well for James until the unthinkable thing happened. Dogan had hit one, in the water, and asked James to try and get it back by using the special stick. the stick wasn’t quite long enough so James had to reach with one arm. He almost had the ball when he gave a little lunge, and fell into the disgusting lake. It was absolutely hilarious, Richard and I couldn’t contain ourselves from laughing. Especially when the white one-piece outfit James was wearing was see through in some places. James got out of the water apologizing to Mark and Dogan about what had happened. They just signed, you could tell they were tired of James.
    Nothing other than the wet James happened for awhile. But then on the twelfth hole, Mark and Dogan called the office and asked for a new caddie. James had been fired. That meant I only needed to finish the golfing challenge in under six hours to win the challenge. James had gotten a score of one out of ten, bt in his eyes, not finishing but still being faster than Richard who did finish, gave him the five points for fastest time. Of course that idiotic idea was quickly shot down by use. So that meant it was my turn. I needed to be fast, how hard could that be.

It was finally my turn to go. I had decided to cheat my way through this challenge. My idea was to get a real professional caddie for my golfers, and I would just drive them from hole to hole. I met my golfers at ten o’clock, their names were Joe and John, two regular business men from Kentucky, on a business trip. I was wearing just a regular jeans and a polo shirt. When I pulled up in my car Joe and John looked confused.
    They said,” Aren’t you supposed to pick us up in our golf cart.”
    Then I said, “ Yes, but this is better than a golf cart.”
    John and Joe didn’t ask anymore questions, and just got in the car to go to the first hole. At the first hole I didn’t know what to do, I was really counting on my professional caddie that I would meet at the second hole. So when Joe and John got out of the car, I brought them the only club I knew, the driver. Confused, Joe looked at me and told me to get them a nine iron. I quickly got them the club they wanted, just trying to make it through the first hole, so I could get the professional for all the others. The first hole went very Quickly, in my favor. Joe and John both made it close to the hole on their first try, and made it in the hole within two or three shots.
    On the next hole we got to the meeting point with my caddie. He shook our hands and got the right clubs. I could just sit in my car, and read my book, while he did the work for me. It was the easiest challenge ever, just hole to hole of me driving and him doing everything for me. And I wasn’t cheating either, It never said you weren’t allowed to get a real professional caddie to do the work for you. I was better for Joe and John too, they had a professional caddie for the price of one regular middle aged guy from Great Britain. He was good at his job to, I think, I don’t really know what a good caddie should be like. It was the easiest thing I’ve ever done, I hoped my idea wouldn’t be called cheating though.
    It was almost getting boring just sitting there reading my book. So, on the longest hole, I decided to go buy myself a snack. When I got back, Joe and John were angry that I had left them, and that I didn’t even buy them anything, and that they had to walk. I didn’t know they wanted anything, so I just said sorry, and trusted the professional caddie would help me out. It was easy sailing from that little encounter on, and at the end I got seven points from Joe and John, and the extra five points for being the fastest. Now the score was me two wins, James one win, and Richard zero.

It was finally my turn to go. I had decided to cheat my way through this challenge. My idea was to get a real professional caddie for my golfers, and I would just drive them from hole to hole. I met my golfers at ten o’clock, their names were Joe and John, two regular business men from Kentucky, on a business trip. I was wearing just a regular jeans and a polo shirt. When I pulled up in my car Joe and John looked confused.
    They said,” Aren’t you supposed to pick us up in our golf cart.”
    Then I said, “ Yes, but this is better than a golf cart.”
    John and Joe didn’t ask anymore questions, and just got in the car to go to the first hole. At the first hole I didn’t know what to do, I was really counting on my professional caddie that I would meet at the second hole. So when Joe and John got out of the car, I brought them the only club I knew, the driver. Confused, Joe looked at me and told me to get them a nine iron. I quickly got them the club they wanted, just trying to make it through the first hole, so I could get the professional for all the others. The first hole went very Quickly, in my favor. Joe and John both made it close to the hole on their first try, and made it in the hole within two or three shots.
    On the next hole we got to the meeting point with my caddie. He shook our hands and got the right clubs. I could just sit in my car, and read my book, while he did the work for me. It was the easiest challenge ever, just hole to hole of me driving and him doing everything for me. And I wasn’t cheating either, It never said you weren’t allowed to get a real professional caddie to do the work for you. I was better for Joe and John too, they had a professional caddie for the price of one regular middle aged guy from Great Britain. He was good at his job to, I think, I don’t really know what a good caddie should be like. It was the easiest thing I’ve ever done, I hoped my idea wouldn’t be called cheating though.
    It was almost getting boring just sitting there reading my book. So, on the longest hole, I decided to go buy myself a snack. When I got back, Joe and John were angry that I had left them, and that I didn’t even buy them anything, and that they had to walk. I didn’t know they wanted anything, so I just said sorry, and trusted the professional caddie would help me out. It was easy sailing from that little encounter on, and at the end I got seven points from Joe and John, and the extra five points for being the fastest. Now the score was me two wins, James one win, and Richard zero.

After the long lunch of me doing other work we continued on our journey. We all drove closer and closer to our destination. We drove for days and days, falling in love with our cars the more we drove them. We would drive for hours just wanting to finish the trip. We drove on through British Columbia, on the 1 highway, then we passed into Alaska.
    Once we passed into Alaska, we were way farther north than we thought we would be. We would still have to drive farther than the length of Great Britain. We stayed on the highway for a whole day. We had to sleep in our cars with the heaters going. Normally in the situation when we have to sleep in our cars, the producers would let us go to a workshop to modify our cars for that situation. But this time the producers could find a workshop close enough to us. Richard and James had lots of room in their cars, but for me in the Land Rover, I didn’t really have lots of room. Especially because I was 6’5, so I had to but my back seats down and sleep in a sleeping bag. An uncomfortable thing to do, but it was better than driving through the night.
    We continued driving in the morning and finally started heading south. When we pulled into the next petrol station, we came up with a challenge. The challenge was, the first one to make it to the break between the 1 highway and the 4 highway. Thats a the longest single piece of road that any of us have ever driven on.
    So we raced down the road, only a two way highway, we raced in time not position. We started in ten minute intervals. First was me, second was Richard, and third was James. The road was mostly straight, or just super long turns, but it was beautiful. With beautiful tall pine trees, with huge mountains in the background. But that doesn’t matter cause we were racing. I took off with only one thing in my mind, speed. I raised down the straight road hitting a top speed of about 110 miles per hour. Meanwhile Richard had just started, but his car was lacking something crucial for this challenge, speed. Richard’s top speed at the midpoint was a grueling 78 miles per hour. Then finally James took off, surprisingly to all of us captain slow’s top speed was 92 miles an hour. We continued racing as fast as we could go, just looking for the sign that said “4 south exit.”
    It was about four hours until I finally finished, then about twenty minutes later James came into view. We sat there talking about our cars, and how stupid Richard was, and how stupid his cars was. Then we decided to get something to eat, because we were two old, slightly over weight middle aged men. But then almost an hour after James came, the very rude Richard decided he and his stupid car should show up to ruin our lunch. So I one that challenge, so now it was me 2, James 1 ,and Richard 0.
   
    We continued along the 1 for sometime after the challenge. We started heading up north in the wrong direction, but then back down south along the Matanuska River. We were getting closer and closer to Anchorage. At this point we all just wanted the challenge to be over. We sped through, over the bring and finally made it to Anchorage.

However, there was a problem, and a big one too. We were on the wrong side of the ocean, our destination was on the other side. We would have to cross the ocean in three used, old, heavy, and most important, not waterproof cars. And sure enough, the producers gave us the golden challenge card.
Richard opened the card and read it,”You are on the wrong side of the bay, you now must make you cars able to go on land and in across the bay. The first one across wins.”
    That day we all went to the drawing board. My idea was to take my lightweight Land Rover and make it even lighter. I took out the back seats and made a counter and mini bed for someone as short as Richard Hammond. They I went out and bought two ginormous floatation device things, that are like logs with air in them. I attached those to the sides of my car, then one of my mechanics bought me a small sailboat hull. We took the hull of the boat, and attached it to the bottom of my car. Since the car had to be compatible with land and water, we torched holes in the bottom of the hull and put the wheels through. To keep water from coming through the wheel holes, we welded the hole shut, so that I now shocks, and hardly any steering radius. We added two monster 50 hp honda motors to the back, then we cut a hole in the roof so I could see and mounted a steering wheel on the inside between the front and passenger seats. They put the throttle control on the roof so I could see it. After that I,all by myself, painted the majority of the car lime green, so if anything happened rescuers could find me. I obviously had the best car/boat ever made by TopGear.
    James was also working on his car, trying to make his car a boat too. In the past when we have had similar challenges like this, James is always trying to make it a sail boat. But those were with small convertible cars, not large offroading cars. This time James had a different idea. HIs idea was not to make a boat, but to make a hovercraft, well thats what James called it, I think it was just a car with a fan on the back.
   
We continued along the 1 for sometime after the challenge. We started heading up north in the wrong direction, but then back down south along the Matanuska River. We were getting closer and closer to Anchorage. At this point we all just wanted the challenge to be over. We sped through, over the bring and finally made it to Anchorage. And since I won, I got to do choose what car I wanted to do a review on, so I chose the new LaFerrari. While Richard got to do the Porsche, and James got to do the McLaren P1. We all had to review the car and see which one was best.
This was my review, “For an immensely complex car, it's the LaFerrari's simplicity and focus I love. Both the $1.5 million McLaren P1 and the $845,000 Porsche 918 allow you to personalise almost all the settings to change their monumentally complex drivetrains and even the aerodynamics to suit your needs, with a extra price. The LaFerrari doesn't bother you with having to figure out how to make you car the best, because they do it for you. Would rather leave you to focus on the driving itself and how much angle you require by dialling up or down the steering wheel's ‘manettino' toggle, safe in the knowledge that very clever stuff is going on in the beautiful V12 to make you feel like a driving god. Throw in the most sublimely responsive normally aspirated V12 in history, and looks that will make the traffic stop, and a soundtrack only Maranello could create, and a fitting swansong for high-performance turbo-free engines and, when push comes to shove, the one I'd have in my garage in that parallel universe. It really is that good. Road test delivered, only one thing remains: a track test. Yep, all we need to do now is hand these three incredible creations over to The Stig and stand well back. It'll happen some time in the near future. After all, the world is waiting.”
The producers liked it, and so did I. Richard and James also did their reviews on the cars, but after a long , and somewhat heated discussion, we decided that the P1 was the best.”

The ninety year old Jeremy Clarkson shut his computer. He had finish the first draft of his book. He was tired and couldn’t wait to get it sold. After almost three months of endless writing he could rest.
He gave his old friends Richard and James a call and told them to come down and read his book. They both agreed and met up for lunch in downtown London. Once again for the first time in almost twenty years the old trio were at the same place. Jeremy drove his new 2031 Aston Martin Vantage. James drove his old Porsche 918 spyder, and Richard drove his vintage 1966 Mustang.

        THE END