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A Warrior Story!
I am a 16-year-old sophmore and I really like feedback. I want to perfect the art of writing and this is the best chance. I am proud of this story and hope you like it!
I was terrified. This ghost-like voice kept ringing in my head, my ears aching from its words.
“Save me... Save me... Save me...”
It wouldn’t stop. Who was I saving? Matter of fact, what was I saving? I couldn’t answer either of those questions, and I still can’t. That spirit or whatever it was still tries to talk to me. I ignore it, but I have started seeing things. When it rains, the lightning flashes and I see a figure of a human, but it wasn’t there before the flash, and it disappears after the flash. I can’t describe it due to how supernatural it is. I tried my hardest to ignore it, but today... I was confronted by it.
Now, here I stand with a random figure of a human, towering over me. It had to be at least 7 foot tall to tower over my 6’4 self. I look up at it as it stares down at me, mouthing what seems like,
“You can’t ignore me.”
I say mouthing because... I can’t hear a thing. This spirit or whatever it was had basically blocked my contact with the world around us, but I am still in my room... standing in terror. My body can’t move; however, my thoughts are scattered, trying to figure out what I did to deserve this horrific experience. Finally, my body let me speak and I shouted,
“Who are you?!”
“So, you acknowledge me now?” the spirit asks.
“I acknowledge you because I must. What do you want with me?” I said, terror showing in my voice.
“You are the one who will carry out my legacy. You will protect the empire.”
“What do you mean? I am no better than any other man across this sacred land,” I said, my heart rate slowing down.
“You are the chosen one. You will take the lives of anyone who threatens your way of life. You will be a WARRIOR!” the spirit echoed.
I stood there in awe. Me? A warrior? How...
“Who are you? Or what are you? There is no way you’re human,” I asked.
“I am the spirit of great warrior, Tongonochi. I am here to tell you that you are the chosen one. Lichten, you will be the newest warrior. I will be with you for the rest of your life so don’t ignore me again or I will cause you great pain,” the ghost said, and disappeared.
I stood there in shock. I don’t know the first thing about battle. No matter my doubt, I had to do it against my will.
The next day, I woke up for school and went casually. There, I got many looks that I hadn’t really wanted. They looked at me as if I were intimidating or as if I would hurt them or something. I didn’t understand why. I was a 6’4 scrawny boy. What about me was so intimidating that specific day. I slipped off to the bathroom to see if I had done something for these looks to be given to me. I look in the mirror and realize I have an immense amount of muscle. That scrawny boy had disappeared into a body of muscle. I was massive.
“How did this happen?” I asked in my thoughts, and it was answered by Tongonochi.
“I gave you the muscle I had. It was a transfer while you slept, but you seem to have gotten it extremely fast. Only the chosen one would have that happen.”
“So, you gave me this great body?” I asked my thoughts.
“Yes. How else would you yield my sword?”
“I see. How do I find the sword?”
“Ask me after your school day. A warrior who is stupid is no warrior, but he is a fool.”
I left the bathroom, everyone was still giving me a look, but I knew why now. I’m not surprised either, as I am intimidated by myself and it’s literally me. I went into my first period, and my social studies teacher asked me,
“Dear god boy, what have you been eating?”
“Just the normal stuff, sir,” I said, trying to sound natural.
“You’re big enough to knock down a mountain! Have you ever played football?”
I expected that, as he was the football coach and had already planned my response,
“No sir, but I don’t plan on it either.”
“That’s a waste of muscle, just saying,” he said defeated.
I went to sit down, and I was barely small enough to be able to fit. I guess I am bigger than I thought. I still can’t believe that this is reality. I go throughout all my classes that day, same as usual, aside from the glares the guys gave me, and the stunned eyes the girls gave me. Some tried to talk to me, but I can’t talk to girls, so it went as well as you’d expect. At the end of the day, Tongonochi talks to me, saying how difficult it will be, but I will be able to find the blade. He then said as I was nearing my house,
“Do you have a weapon?”
“No sir, why would I?” I asked
I didn’t ask a question, as he was a great warrior. I looked around and found a metal rod from the vent of a building and picked it up, breaking it to get a sharp end.
“Look to your right when you round this corner,” he said as seriously as I had ever heard anyone talk.
I listened and there was a person sitting on my porch in an all-black outfit and he hadn’t seen me, but how had I seen him? This wasn’t my street. I was still at least 2 blocks away. Then, Tongonochi told me,
“You saw him, right? That’s called Danger Sense. You can see people who want to harm you or others you love if you focus hard enough, which is why I made you focus on looking right.”
Was this really happening? This feels like a dream. I kept walking and made it to my street, where the guy was not at anymore. Just then, I got a flash of where he was. He was inside the house. He had broken in through the back door, and was waiting for me, sulking somewhere. I ran home, as I was faster now, too.
I get there and Tongonochi says in my mind,
“Go outback. You can trigger your silence and sneak attack him. Just hold your weapon out to the right and say ‘Quiet, shush now’ and you will become silent.”
I did just as he said, and sure enough, I was completely silent. I was a 6’4 giant, and yet I am quiet as a mouse. There is no way this is happening.
Ignoring my doubts, I sneak around, and the man is waiting behind the door. It suggests he has been watching me for a while and figured out when I would be home. He holds a dagger close to his chest, as though it is his most prized possession. I felt 0 remorse for him. Kill or be killed is the way of the world.
I snuck up behind him and disarmed him immediately. I held his own dagger to his neck and said,
“You really planned to kill me, huh? You watched me for days, stalked me, and broke into my home. You really planned to kill me and don’t even know me. You are scum.”
I had a vision then, where I saw there were two of these intruders. I immediately cut through his neck, and in a flash, turned to see another guy. I use the first intruder’s lifeless body and block the second intruder’s swipes with his dagger. I pull out the metal rod I had made into a little sword, and slashed at him, catching his arm and leaving blood to run out of his wound. This angers him as he starts to full on attack me, but he only hits his dead friend every time. He went for a big blow, in which I threw his friend at him, knocking him down. I run to my kitchen, and grabbed a kitchen knife, lunging at the intruder, the knife making a massive gash down his chest.
He screams in agony as he falls to his knees. I walk over to him and take his own dagger from him. I push him down and say,
“You were too late. I got stronger quicker than you had thought, didn’t I? Oh well, your life was wasted on this very moment,” and I dug his dagger through his chest.
Finally, I come back to my senses to see the dead men and fall back, horrified by what I am seeing. I look around and realize that I did it, but I have no recollection of it. Tongonochi says,
“That was your killer instinct. You aren’t in danger, so you don’t need to have it active, hence why you are so confused and scared. You have adapted to the warrior mindset quickly. Lichten, you will be mighty and be remembered as better than me if you ever die.”
“But sir, how do you know this?” I asked, being respectful to the spirit.
“Because I can talk to you. If I couldn’t then you wouldn’t be the chosen one,” he replied.
“But I ignored you for so long. How did you know I was able to hear you?”
“Every time that I would talk to you, your heartbeat would become louder and louder. I could tell you knew I was there, and you were just scared, which is normal.”
I stood there in awe. Was I really a chosen warrior? Better yet... Was I a greater warrior than the sacred Tongonochi? I couldn’t believe it. I had no choice, however, as I already had the body and I had assassins trying to kill me in my own home.
That’s when I realized... where were mom and dad...
I look around, panic showing through my face. I ran around the house, as I had seen my mom’s car outside. She had to be here. Somewhere, she had to be here. Where? Where could she be?
“Tongonochi, help! Where is she?!” I asked my thoughts. I knew my dad wasn’t here, but mom... mom is my everything. Where is she?
“Lichten... I don’t think you want to know where she is...” Tongonochi says, his voice showing sympathy.
“I said I want to know where she is! Now God damnit, tell me!” I shouted, tears flowing from my eyes and my heartbeat growing loud like a drum.
“Alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Tongonochi says to me. I understood she probably had something tragic happen to her, but I needed closure at least, “She’s in the garage.”
I darted over to the garage.
“Mom!” I shouted, the tears flowing heavier and heavier. I get to the garage, and I am greeted by a puddle of blood. I stand there in horror, my body frozen and my mind nearly blank, aside from the thoughts of my mom. The memories flash back from the past and I drop to my knees, being covered in my mother’s blood. I crawl over, through all the blood, to the other side of the car, and sure enough, my mother lays there lifelessly. I was frozen. I never thought this would happen.
I finally snapped out of this trance and dialed 911 to let them know of this awful tragedy. I walk around the house, tracking her blood throughout it. Finally, I hear sirens and walk out on the front porch. I look around and see 3 police cars on the right followed by 2 ambulances and a fire truck. I stand out there as they pull up and start talking to me, but I can’t hear them over my heartbeat that pounded inside my head. I hear Tongonochi over my heartbeat say,
“You need to talk to them, or they’ll arrest you. Take a deep breath and slowly exhale, Lichten, then listen to them.”
I did what he said, and my heartbeat slowed down. I heard the officers shout,
“My mother is dead, but so are her attackers. She is in the garage, while the attackers are in the entrance of the house, one on his knees and one on his back with at least 20 gashes across his chest. I don’t know much about my mother’s death, but she is outside the car, laying lifelessly on the ground,” I say so calmly that you’d think I was a maniac.
“Do you know who killed the attackers?” the other officer said.
“I did, sir,” I said.
“How did they get in the house?” an officer said, throwing the questions at me.
“They broke in through the back door. I got home late, and I decided today would be a good day to go through the back door. I surprised them as I slit one's throat and luckily dodged the other one's attack from behind. If I must, then I will go to jail, but it was only self-defense.”
“How did you know they were dangerous?”
“I saw them standing silently in the entrance behind where the door would open. They knew when I got home which meant they had been stalking me for a few days, so I just changed my schedule.”
“I see. Go get checked up by the ambulance. We will check things out in there.”
“Yes sir,” I say and walk towards the ambulance. I looked up at the paramedics and collapsed, but I was still conscience. I heard them shouting around that I had collapsed. I stared up at them as they asked me questions, but I felt so exhausted. I finally lost consciousness and awoke in a mystery room.
“Lichten are you okay?” an unrecognizable voice echoed.
“I can’t tell. I should be, as I wasn’t hit by any weapons or hurt generally. I am just very sad. Where are we?” I asked, looking around at the world which was white aside from where I was standing which was green with a cherry blossom tree across the land and what seemed to be a house. I saw smoke coming from the house and I walked there. I get there and greet a man with a large beard and long nose. He was very old, at least 60. I looked around at the world around us and ask,
“Am I dead?”
“You aren’t. This is your conscience. I am the spiritual being inside of you that awoke Tongonochi. I knew you were the chose one,” the elderly man said.
“Then who are you?”
“I am Astromachi, the creator of the very world you live in. I am thousands of years old. I saved the land and world you live in today,” he said with a smile.
“Then why is your spirit inside me?” I asked awkwardly.
“Because I liked you. Be grateful, as not everyone gets a guardian spirit.”
“Is my body okay?”
“Oh yes, of course it is. You didn’t get hit; you had just accepted Tongonochi’s body too quickly. I’m surprised you made it through the day.”
“So will I wake up soon?”
“Well that depends on how you react to your mother’s death. I can let you leave this area any time and you will wake up, but not with how unstable you are.”
“How can I deal with that though? She was my everything. Now she is gone. How would I be able to deal with something that awful? How?”
“Lichten, you need to look ahead. You’re going to be a warrior and you are going to be the protector of this very land. Think about your father! He is still alive. You can protect many lives if you realize your worth.”
“But sir... I couldn’t even protect my mother’s life. How would I be able to protect many if I cannot protect one?”
“Lichten, you didn’t know where she was nor how many attackers there were. It isn’t your fault. You need to get in a better state of mind so you can protect this town you love so much from a massive attack. If you don’t, everyone will die. Everyone.”
I sat there on the island, thinking about what I should do.
“Mom... what would you want?” I thought to myself. Then, I remembered something from when I was a kid. It was a conversation between me and my mother.
“Lichten, you will be a very strong boy when you’re older,” she said as she handed me a plate full of food.
“Mom, what happens when you’re gone?” I asked while taking a bite.
“Well, if I were to pass, which will happen eventually, I would want you to protect our relatives. You will be a big, strong person. I can’t be selfish and keep you all to myself,” she said with a shining smile.
“Okay mom, I won’t let you down if that happens!” I shouted while saluting her.
She laughed and gave me a kiss on the forehead.
“Astromachi, I am ready. I will defend the town with my life. Make sure you keep my spirit burning while I’m saving everyone,” I said standing taller.
“I shall! You will do great things, Lichten!” he shouted, and I awoke.
I awoke to the sound of sirens. I gather strength to open my eyes and I look around to see 2 paramedics. When one sees my eyes open, he shouts,
“Patient is awake! Get us to the hospital immediately!”
I guessed they would want to get me there quickly to make sure I would stay awake. It felt as though I had been asleep for weeks, but it had only been roughly 10 minutes. I laid there, staring at the roof of the ambulance, and I wondered what I should do. We finally got to the hospital, but I was feeling alright. I asked them to let me walk in, however they refused and rolled me in. I got in and a doctor came in and saw me and questioned me.
“Do you know where you are?” he asked.
“Yes sir, I’m in the hospital,” I answered.
“Do you know what happened?” he asked again.
“No sir, but I feel fine,” I answered again.
“There are some officers here with questions for you. Do you think you can answer them?”
“Yes sir, I feel well. I would appreciate it if you stayed here to make sure nothing health wise would deplete.”
“I can do that,” he said as officers knocked on the door. He let them in.
“Lichten, we understand there were 3 dead bodies found in your home. Can you explain what all happened in detail?” an officer asked.
I explained to them what happened, and the officers asked more questions.
“Where is you dad right now?”
“What time is it?” I asked.
“5:43,” an officer said.
“He should be getting home in about 2 minutes. He gets off work at 5:30 and it only takes 15 minutes to get home,” I answered.
“Well, we will go to your home. I apologize about your mother, son. She’s in a better place,” an officer said, as they both walked out.
“Doc, can I leave?” I asked, looking at the doctor.
“If you feel up to it, then yes. However, I don’t want you to come back here anytime soon. Stay healthy!” he said with a chuckle.
I walked out and Tongonochi started talking to me.
“Go to the abandoned dojo near your house. Run!” he shouted in my mind. I did just that and made it there in 10 minutes. I walked into the abandoned dojo, and it was just as you’d expect. It was pitch black and there was trash everywhere. However, I saw a small bit of light coming from the stairs to the basement. I walk over and see a lit stairway going down to a door. I walk down the stairs and open the door, in which I am greeted by Tongonochi and Astromachi in a human form.
“This will be where you train. You will no longer go to school and instead will train and sleep here. We have placed a decoy for you as a replacement so you can go back to your normal life eventually. You will be great,” Tongonochi said.
“This seems amazing. I am so ready for this!” I shouted.
They started me on extreme training. I struggled to keep up with their pace, and it was awful. I struggled immensely on the lifting part of training. I understood that I needed this to keep myself protected with the muscle as strength would end up helping me an extreme amount the next day.
A week had passed, and I woke up the next day bright and early. I walked out to see them sitting down and there was food on the table. This was unusual because normally, they were next to the treadmills. The past week was hell, but it was worth it for what they said next.
“You’re ready to channel your elemental power,” Astromachi said.
“What do you mean?” I asked, jumping from my seat.
“You have an element. We don’t know which it is, but we know that you are able to have 2 of them. You will be put into a deep sleep and decide your elements. We will be here but cannot enter your mind. Decide quickly because if you’re asleep for more than 5 minutes, you will start to develop bad changes in your body,” Tongonochi said.
“Ok sir, when will we do it?” I asked.
“Now,” Astromachi said, knocking me out with a gas.
I woke up instantly and saw multiple elements around me. The colors they put off were extremely vibrant. I saw Electricity, Ice, Water, Fire, Earth, and Air.
I stared around me as I realized I was limited in time, but wow... this world was beautiful. The color from the elements mixed with the dark grey back round along with the dark green grass island I stood on just paired so well. I then realized I needed to pick 2 and hurry. I didn’t have time to stay there. I thought long and hard. Typically, fire and water are paired. They’re a great duo, but I didn’t want those. Ice would be useful sometimes, but I didn’t really want that as it wouldn’t always help. Air wasn’t in my interest in the first place so that left me to pair water or fire with electricity. I then realized if someone is wet, you can do much more damage to their body because water is a conductor. I decided on water and electricity
“I choose water and electricity!” I shouted. There was basically no echo due to how empty the world was, but just then, I was lifted into the air. Every element but water and electricity disappeared.
“Very well! I hope you do great things, warrior!” a voice bellowed in it’s very deep voice.
Suddenly, I saw 2 orbs appear in the water and lightning auras. They floated up towards me and suddenly dashed into me. With that, I woke up.
“Astromachi, he’s awake,” Tongonochi said.
“Lichten, what did you choose?” Astromachi asked.
“I chose water and electricity,” I said.
“Great choices! They pair well and can help you in battle,” Astromachi said.
“Now we must train you in the battle of elements. You will need a more open area, however, so it’s time to show you the rest of where you’re staying!” Tongonochi said.
“There’s more? How?!” I exclaimed.
“We are spiritual beings. We can do stuff. Follow me,” Astromachi said.
He walked over to a wall and made a door magically appear. I walk through to see an amazing training area. It has dummies, a track, and so many different outdoor equipment.
“Let’s waste no time!” Tongonochi said.
He trained me in the art of the elements for a week, showing me how to channel it and how it would come in handy. He showed me how to make a bow with my lightning and how to make water grenades. He helped me learn to summon storm clouds and many other things. It was very draining. Tongonochi then said at the end of the week,
“Finally, it’s time to learn a finishing move.”
“Okay, how?” I asked.
“Channel all of your power in both elements, and send it to the dummy over there,” he said pointing 200 feet away.
I did just that. I pulled the energy in from each of my hands, water in the right and electricity in the left. I pulled them in, and they combined into a huge orb. I wanted it to seem nice, so I put the orb into one hand and summoned a bat made of electricity and water, threw the orb up, and hit it with the bat sending it to the dummy at an extreme velocity as I screamed
“That was great, but make sure you train it some more,” Astromachi said. Just then, there was a siren sounding.
“What is that?” I asked Tongonochi.
“You’re going to be attacked! The whole town is going to be attacked!” Tongonochi said, “Go Lichten! Save them!”
I didn’t ask any questions. I ran inside the dojo, up the stairs, and out to see the normal world. I ran to the police station and informed them we would be attacked by the Japanese. They didn’t take me as a joke and radio’d it in. The city was locked down. I ran to the south border and an army approached. I activated my elements, my right arm turning blue and my left arm turning yellow. Electricity flowed around my left arm and water around my right. I sprang into action, making a 50/50 sword out of my elements. I summoned a rain cloud over the army approaching. I ran through them all, not even one of their blades landing on me. I turn, drop to the ground, and shock it, sending electricity through the army's body, killing a large portion of them. I turn and see a soldier sneaking up on me. I dodge his attack and stab him. I realized that this would be a lot more difficult than I expected. Killing an army, that is. I did my “Finishing move” but it could only affect so many. I knew when I needed it, my real move would appear. However, it isn’t bad to have many moves. In fact, I should have more. I fought as much as I could, but the army was still there taunting me.
The crowd moved aside as a man with a large white robe with a yellow cross on it and a sword sheathed walked through.
“I really wish you wouldn’t bother us so. I don’t want to kill you, but you give me choice. You have killed a 3rd of our army. You must die now,” the man shouted.
“At least I am fighting honorably! You guys pick on a small town for no good reason! I am defending it with my life! I will kill all of you, you will retreat, or I will die for my country!” I shouted back.
“Actually, there is a reason. Your town is the main supplier of Chinese weaponry. We will conquer the town and win this war!” he shouted.
“That’s impossible! We are a small town and don’t even have access to the Chinese government, let alone a whole weaponry depository.”
“He is going to attack you. It will be swift. Dodge left and strike him with lightning,” Tongonochi said in my mind.
“You are an idiot and a sheep. I will kill you and kill your entire town!” he said and dashed at me extremely fast. I dodged left and struck him with lightning like I was told. He screamed in agony as he was fried, but he wasn’t killed. I ran at him and stabbed him with my sword. He fell to his knees, and my Danger Sense triggered. I saw there was a sniper with a bow. I stood in a perfect angle between him and me, he shot, and I immediately jumped up, his arrow killing the man. I look at the man’s corpse and realize... that’s my dad?
I stood there in horror. Did I really kill my dad? There was no way. He wouldn’t betray us like that. He wouldn’t... right? I knew a way to tell. He had my name tattooed on his arm. I lifted his arm and read the word on it.
“Lichten,” it read.
I stood in horror. Then I realized, this is a battlefield. I cannot grieve now. I must avenge mom. These people must have done it. They were under my father’s rule. He must have felt guilty in some way, so he wanted to kill us. He didn’t realize I wouldn’t die. I now didn’t have either of my parents. I will avenge my mother. I channeled a large orb, larger than me, and with tears in my eyes, I threw it into the air and shot an arrow in the air, hitting the orb and drenching the entire army. I then used my electricity and zipped myself into the air. I was 500 feet in the air minimum. I formed a huge wave of electricity and screamed,
“YOU WILL PAY!” and the wave collapsed, killing the entire army.
Their lifeless bodies lay on the ground. I had just killed so many people. I really was a warrior, and I still couldn’t believe it. It seemed like a dream.
Just then... I woke up.