Stream of Tortured Thoughts | Teen Ink

Stream of Tortured Thoughts

May 29, 2014
By KarmaQueen27 GOLD, washington, Virginia
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KarmaQueen27 GOLD, Washington, Virginia
16 articles 2 photos 6 comments

Author's note: This book of poetry was inspired by my past and friends.

The author's comments:
Tortured Soul, A Dream, and I Miss that Girl were written by someone other than myself. Sorry for any spelling or grammar issues.

Tortured Soul
Two hearts so in love
Perfect for the Martyrs glove
Your innocence I have stripped you of
Actions of a misguided soul
How they take their toll
For we used to kiss upon a grassy knoll
Now your tears splash upon this scroll
There is no atonement for my actions
They all say I am just a fraction
Only you know this truth to be known
It is only your heart I have found so fond
Of such a monster who’s soul be rougher than a frond
Only thy soul could save my own destruction
Though it was through my corruption
That finds relief in my self-mutilation
Bind my hands for they shall bleed
Making it easier for demons to feed
Bind my feet for in a flash
I shall be lashed
Split my flesh, hear me scream
For the heaven’s believe my soul should be reamed
A day of judgment lay ahead
I feel as though tears will be shed
For when my future is read
Best believe my soul will be dead

A dream
When I dream, it is always of you. Good or bad, you dominate my sleep as well as conscious the pain you feel I can see in my dreams. I can see the tears staining your cheeks when you were told what happened to me. I see your tears that get soaked by your pillow. I can taste your sorrow on my lips. I dream of being next to you once more, yet again feeling the warmth of your embrace and knowing the sweetness of your kiss. I feel more at home when I sleep for when I dream of you things seem normal; it is when I wake that the nightmare begins. When it seems like it is real it makes it that much more terrifying. Do you remember our first kiss? New years, the wind so cold swirling around us seeming to push us together. As short as that kiss was at the fireplace I knew, I was yours forever. Hell, I knew in high school that we would be together but that night…Something about that night showed me you were the one. I wanted to spend eternity with you, and to this day, I swear it to still be true. I labeled this “A dream” because I wanted to show you how my mind works and to show what my euphonious makes me think of. Recently when I close my eyes I am instantly there with you kissing, hugging, laughing, crying… living by your side preparing for our future together. When I dream it is always of you but also recently it has been of our family… I see you and my son and I get a feeling that everything will be okay because I know I have something to fight for, I have something greater than myself. I do not mean to upset you by telling you all the things I still feel, I cannot help it. Whenever I get a thought in my head while I got a pencil in my hand I write it down, thought by thought, which is why it is sometimes hard to keep track of what I say. I can understand why you said it is hard to talk to me, specially cause of what I talk about. I hate to say it but I am probably not going to stop unless I can stop feeling the way I do. So I also understand if you want me to stop writing for this reason. It has been a while since your last letter; I hope you are not forgetting me that easy. I have been working on something I hope you like. It is a poem for you:

There is no such thing as a perfect person… But, there is such a thing as a person perfect for you. And you are that person for me. Everything about you … from the color of your hair, the shape of your nose to the sound of your laugh. Absolutely everything that makes you the marvelously unique individual you are is something I accept, appreciate, admire and adore…

So no matter what you might think is less than perfect about yourself, it really does not matter because you are perfect for me. I would not change one single thing… I love you just the way you are. I need something to believe in since I can no longer believe in us. It is no offence to you but since I cannot have you, I can no longer believe in us. I do not know why I sit here torturing myself professing a love that is plainly obvious I cannot have. It’s also wrong of me to play hell with your heart like I have been by telling you what I feel, knowing you want nothing more than to just move on. I am sorry for the pain I have caused you. I feel sad tonight. I look around at my surroundings and wonder what the f*** I am doing here. It is all sinking in that this could be my new home for the next ten years. Day in day out, things will never change, doing the same thing every day until I am a mindless robot with a broken heart. I wish I could fall asleep and wake up in your arms, a free man. I sit here on a cold concrete floor wearing orange when I could be sitting beside you holding you tight. But I had to f*** up and cheat. E.W so true. How could I have been so stupid? Why couldn’t I have just been content with what I had? Now I have nothing and no one. So this is what alone feels like… I guess I should learn to like it.

I miss that girl

I feel like writing about that girl who drives me crazy. That girl can make me weak in the knees when she bounces around the house wearing nothing but a tank top and booty shorts.

That girl who turns me on like no other when she laces up them heels and puts on that skirt. That girl who can make love like no girl I’ve ever known, I mean six hours come on that girl’s a freak. That girl, who loves like no other, can show her heart with everything she does, I was fortunate enough to see how she loves me… I don’t think I could compare anything to it. I miss that girl’s love. I miss that girl who would snuggle her nose close to my neck when we would lie together. I miss that girl who would rather use my shirt as a pillow case rather than an actual pillow case, hell I miss that girl who looks better in my clothes then I do. I miss that girl who whoops her brother’s ass. I miss that girl who goes nuts when she sees something she wants. I miss that girl’s pouty looks that says pretty please, which I could never resist. I miss that girl who foolishly stood her ground in front of my anger yet for some reason it calmed me down. I miss that girl who puts tears in my eyes everyday I’m not with her. I miss that girl I hurt with my actions if I could only hold and kiss that girl one last time. God help me… I miss that girl

I thought
I thought you loved me
I thought you cared
I thought we would be together
I thought you changed
I thought…that’s just it…I thought
I thought I was right
…I guess not


I’m the one
I’m the one who thought we could make it
I’m the one who loved you from the beginning
I’m the one who gave you all I had
I’m the one who is now sad
I’m the one you left all alone
I’m the one who wishes you were here
I’m the one who cries a billion tears
I’m the one who hates not seeing you
I’m the one who doesn’t mind anything you do
I’m the one who misses you like crazy
I’m the one…
I’m the one…
I’m the one…
Who still loves you

You move me like a Bullet in a Gun
You move me like a bullet in a gun
You move me like the earth and the sun
You move me like a runner on a track
You move me like water on my back
You move me like a swimmer in a pool
You move me like you did in school
You move me like a pool of tears
Now all have to do is wait five years…

Dear Heart
Dear Heart,
Why do you have to keep getting in the way, why can’t you let me make the decisions? But no, you have to be so confusing. My head tells me to move on and that he’s bad for me. But why are you making me hold on to him, is something going to happen? Are you going to bring him back to me? I love him, yes, but do you think we will be together…Forever… I’m not sure. I think you do, so just do what you want and make my life good.







Love,









Me

Prince Charming
Why have I cried?
Why have I tried?
I now realize you’re not worth my time
So now I’ll just wait
But not for you
For someday I will get a loving prince
Who will be true
That day might not be today
But I’ll take my time to cover up the wound
And let the next guy not be so harming
For one day I will find my prince charming

Carpe Diem
Seize the moment
‘Fore I want you to be mine forever
In your arms, in your grasp
I don’t ever want to let go
So here I stand
Taking the chance
Of losing your love forever
I cannot go through one more world
Not knowing if your love is true

US 3
Our love was so strong, so real
What we had was special
No one could feel the same
You called me beautiful and honey bee
But what’d you do but leave me
So now I miss your love
And your hugs and kisses too
How come you had to go?
And leave me all alone
Yes I still love you and miss you as well
Love is blind
You never know who you will fall for
You could fall for a stranger or fall for a good friend
Only your heart knows what it wants
Only the stars know what the future will bring
He may like you back, but if not be ready
Time will only tell
Time will only allow him to see
To see that he belongs to you
The moon will keep all your wishes
Making them come true when the time is right
I’ve been waiting, just waiting
For you to make up your mind
Now that you have chosen I don’t know what to think
But I just have to leave it all behind
I think it’s time for me to move on
Maybe we will be together soon
But for me I will take a break
A break from it all
There is no more time to waste
The toughest parts have already been faced.

The lie
I didn’t want to know what I said, so I just kept going.
I never told you why instead I said nothing I just cried.
I didn’t tell you about the lie instead you found out from them.
I didn’t mean to hurt you yet you deserved it by making me the lie.
I didn’t want to believe that I let that be spread. I didn’t believe it one book destroyed our lives. I didn’t tell you why I don’t read anymore instead I said I’m not aloud. It’s only a white lie instead of saying by me I said you. I didn’t want to know how bad I hurt you instead I tried to leave. I never told you why she hates me instead I said she wants me dead when really she’s not the only one. I never told you I wanted to start reading again instead I told you it got too boring, but in reality it was the only thing that saved me. I never told you… the lie.

You and me
Look back and their stuck together, mushed together as if there were invisible forces pushing them towards each other. It’s silly really, they aren’t that old. She’s still in high school and he’s been out. But when they’re together you can’t tell their age. He’s two and she is twenty they act that way when they are together. But yet still they can’t be together like she wishes they would be. Does he love her? She will never know but he knows she loves him, even if he did cheat she can’t be without him, he’ll never be turned away. They are together but not by those two rings.

Heart
Broken hearted people from around the world all know how it feels to be alone. Test after test, guess after guess they still cannot find the one who wants to stay. Need a hug, need a friend. Nevertheless, when those hearts find their other half, it changes their lives forever. For better or worse their stuck together no matter what.

Us
There used to be an us
Oh how lovely that time was
So sweet so delicate
How there used to be an us
Summer time flying’ by
Feelings that would never end
But at last that all has changed
Now we are none at last
If I shall set eyes on you again
I do not know of what will come
The shadows of our memories
Waiting for me to come
Whispers of true belonging
Being whisked away from you
Under the apple tree
I gave my heart away
Since that day, I have never been the same
Like paw prints in concrete
Your love made an everlasting mark
To stay and love is what is in my thoughts

Miss about you
Smile, laugh, your shaky breath. I miss your spirit, your golden feel. Touch of your skin, look in your eyes, thoughts of you make my shattered heart heal. Knowing you, seeing you all brings shine to my eyes. Whisper of your voice entering my head, How I once thought of you as a friend, a brother of sorts but now not as much now your different, like a lover or crush a secret of mine I’ll never give away. Never let me down or broken my heart. Sometimes I wonder if he was a sign, a road to lead me to you. Your stories, your funny jokes all part of your perfect personality. I wonder if we are meant to be. Was he the one for me? Are you? I guess I will never know…I can only hope

No more us
Cause we met
We fell in love
Because we fell in love, I trusted you
Because I trusted you, we did everything together
Because we did everything together, we got very close
Because we got very close, you knew everything about me
Because you knew everything about me I didn’t think you’d hurt me
Cause I didn’t think you’d hurt me it came as a surprise when you did
Because it came as a surprise it hurt worse
Because it hurt worse you’re now dead to me
Cause it hurt worse
Cause it came as a surprise
Cause I didn’t think you’d hurt me
Cause you knew everything about me
Cause we got very close
Cause I trusted you
Cause we fell in love
Cause we met

Apple Tree
Your love came to me like an apple falling from a tree
High up on a branch where your love used to grow
You came to me, eyes wide open
You showed me what love could be
You meant everything to me
Until the day, I walked away because the pain swayed
Across my head, I couldn’t take what you gave away
My heart used to grow with your love
Now it’s fallen out of the tree
Forever lost on the cold dark ground

Nightly walks
Chocolate trees so tall and old shed your bark so smooth, so bold. Let it sway gently down to the ground berries so round an dark lay softly near your feel as critters come to eat I sit and watch them oh how sweet. Cross my heart a hope to die, I promise you I do not lie. I shall not, will not tell your life. To all the people not so wise, do not cross me or you shall die. I keep yours so you keep mine. If I promise to be kind can I listen to your secrets? You know me and I know you it’s not as if we live in the wild I assure you I’m no child. I shall walk through the bitter dark wishing for a full moon night. I hope that I will need no shining knight. I will sing this little tone to make sure I get home soon.
Deadly creatures of the night lurking deep out of sight. Do not eat me, do not fright me, I shall only speak so lightly. As I pass while you sleep I beg of you do not eat me. I promise not to awake you even so slightly; deadly creatures do not fright me.

Free
Freedom is a gift
Key to success
Life’s greatest pleasure
That not everyone gets

Friends
Well that is all of them, I finally lost every last friend I ever thought I had. Why you may ask? The answer is simple. I am a hypocrite, I am deceitful they all say but I do admit it that I am. I live in the city where many people are liars it’s not often to find someone truthful. Close your eyes and listen carefully you can hear tweedy bird starting his show with
‘I thought I saw a putty cat” and hear the kids laugh. I admit it I do the opposite of what I say to do. I say do not use the telephone just to turn around and use it. I tell my sister not to eat the cookies and I sneak around munching on cookies. That is just what I do I lie. That is how I lost every friend I thought I had.

Mystery girl
I did not know who she was until the day she pulled me aside not knowing what to say I stood there in shock. I thought something and apparently, I was wrong. For some reason I thought I was alone.

Misguided
Pain in my eyes be free
I cannot hold you tight any longer
Those painful memories
Now fading in to the distance
All thanks to him
I could not breathe
But thanks to me
I can now see what is going on around me
The love I miss
The time that passes
All the things
I held dear
Guided away
All thanks to those tears
I used to shed

Again
We will be together another day another time. Again we will be together. I can only hope this time it will last forever.

Obsessive Compulsive
I count my steps to every class I count the tiles and the amount of cuts, scars and splatters. A fake smile placed on my face every day when people come around. I bleed everyday every chance I get. Using anything I can find. I count the drops of blood that hit the floor, the ones that could be spilled the ones that get soaked up. They’ll never know and they wouldn’t believe me. All because of you I can’t be without your love. I wanted to be without before you hurt me, practically killed me. I can’t take it anymore. My heart can’t work, my lungs can’t stop crying. So instead of living my miserable life I’ll end it tonight, I’m sure the troubles of living without you it’s myself it’s a one shot deal. Like you said till death do us part.

Thank you
Thank you my sister for all the time you spent with me
Thank you sister for saving my life and showing me you truly care
Thank you my sister for keeping hold of those secrets I shared
Thank you sister for being there through it all
Thank you sister for being my sister even though you aren’t at all.

Told you
Have I told you you’re my sister, because you are
Have I ever told you I love you, because I do
Have I ever told you; you saved my life, because you did
Have I ever told you you’re my best friend, because you are
Have I ever told you I think you’re awesome, because I do
Have I ever told you; you helped me? Because you did

Sister
You didn’t break me, you only tested my strength
You proved to me I can hold on
That the pain will subside and go away
That your love is worth it
And no matter what, I have my sister to be there
You didn’t break me you only tested my strength
But because of that I don’t trust you anymore
So instead I hold close to me my dear sister because she held me when you left

Go
Lies
I have said
things I have done
be gone
now
you’ve had your fun

His love
I met him after my parents died. He first came to me in a dream warning me that one day I’ll realize that he was the only one who loves me and I only love him. But soon after I realized he was right… He did love me, way too much. In the morning I walked to school as always and he my only company followed behind me. He spoke to himself quietly whispering “one paw in front of the other” because of his anxiety issues. When I got to school as always he jumped into my book bag and sat with only his little white ears showing. Eight hours later he was back to following me home. Since I am sixteen I live by myself. By the time I was done with my homework it was dark out. And one of my friends was outside knocking on the window. I smiled and waved him in. As he walked in I heard Alex the small overprotective white car start to hiss. I watched as his fur stood up on his back and he attacked Daniel. Alex got very protective especially around my friends. He hated Daniel with a passion, him smiling at me with that crooked smile of his; I guess that was the last straw.

Decisions
Trying to decide what to think, what to say, what to feel. I turned my back on your pleads. Now I leave breeze in my face, pain at my side and you at my back. Yeah that is not what is supposed to be. Decided on everything think, say, feel. Yeah I know now what to say what I say you may ask it is just one word, one that hurts the most. Goodbye.

Beginning
In the beginnings we were so in love we laughed, we cried, did everything in-between. Then one day it all went south hate filled your eyes and blood curdled in my veins at the very thought of what we had. I loved you, then you did that. You left me sitting here with my tears in my eyes and hate in my heart.

You Move Me Like the Feel of Jean Shorts In the Sunshine.
You move me like the feel of jean shorts in the sunshine
You move me like the smile i get when you hold me tight
The feeling i get standing in the rain watching you walk away
The tears that formed at night laying in bed kissing goodbye
You move me like the memories that wash over me, looking at that ring
The look in your eyes when it feels just right
The cracking of your voice when we're far away, missing you like snow on Christmas night.
You move me like the time we both cried, sitting there on a log around midnight. Cold in the fall talking out a fight.
You move me like laughing at the world about anything not a care in the world but you and me.
Riding shotgun in your car listening to country telling our lives one story at a time. Waiting, wasting gas for that time to come around to say goodnight.
That time we spent hiding out under the stars talking about the future that comes creeping away from the fire pit just to take a walk down memory lane.
You move me like reading those books letting life slip away
You move me like knowing not which road to turn, both seeming wrong
You move me like spending time with mom all day keeping sane
You move me like drifting off on the bus head phones on, long car ride turns into another world saving kids and flying cars
You move me like sitting here writing down all these things. Wanting to cry remembering him
They fight again so help us god, one drives off, stop the tears, long nights ahead pretend to bond
Random day their all gone, sent away for good
You move me like feeling bad, wanting to sleep, go to school come home late find out your fake friend broke in and scared them
Lights go out time to play fire stove and monopoly, blanket, bed on the floor everyone smiles as they fall asleep
You move me like finding out he is sick and it's a deadly thing. Will he live will he die noone knows for sure
You move me like that one day everything crashed down so fast you left me in the cracks
You move me like finding my dream, it becoming reality
You move me like that trip we took 2am to camp outside storm hits starts to flood
You move me like 11pm drive to New Jersey for Fun Land heading back around 3am exhausted and happy with the family
Fourth of July fireworks sitting on the beach with you. Best friends and lots of hugs makes hospital ones oh so worse
Love, hate it's all the same they know me now same as then
You move me like the tickle of your touch on my skin making me giggle at your laugh
You move me like fire burning strong in the pit warming my toes and dancing like rain
You move me like that sunshine after a storm hits. Foggy and sunny a rainbow awakes
You move me like watching the deer drink from the creek
You move me like dancing in the car music blaring driving down the road at 1am
You move me like the scared i get when the storm shakes me awake
The nightmares i get every night leaving me crying silently in the dark looking out at the moon wondering who is looking too
The witches laugh the lady has that scares those kids away from her house
You move me like the day he left shipping out across the seas to a land foreign to me
The feel of butterflies while holding her hand down the hall strange looks make you laugh
You move me like movie night watching funny moviess acting like everything is alright
You move me like the innocent smiles of small kids eating ice cream
You move me like all those times i've spent hanging out with my friends them not knowing how much it means to me
You move me like finding out how much you and someone you've never spoken to have in common, becoming friends
You move me like the feel of waking up in the morning the bed feeling so comfy
Like the flow of pen on paper giving way to a new creation
You move me like the crazy in my head filling up my life
You move me like knowing you, my best friend, are my biggest weakness
You move me like the excitement of field trips with my friends
The feeling of disappointment of your aunt telling you to keep your sexuality a secret from the family
You move me like my insane friend and crazy friend helping me through all those stupid problems i caused myself.

Abduction
Parents screaming
Where are you?
MIA is all I have to say
Play the game
Ride the ride
Cause when you get back
There won’t be any fun
Run run run fast as you can
Before that crazy clown catches you again

Flow
Goes where ever the wind takes her. Always an optimistic seeing the good in everyone. Pleasure, loves to please and be pleased. She likes the color red like the red hearts floating around her on the blank pages. She wears skimpy clothes that barely cover her and she freezes in the winter that’s what I must say she loves the summer. Never alone she loves the people but always smiling when she can relax. Blonde hair flying in the breeze bright white teeth and colored nails looking like the rainbow. It is funny how she has so many choices but is always alone. No need for a husband since she barely has time to herself.

In My Past Life
In my past life i was a bird. Blue, flying high above the tree tops, soaring to wherever the wind blew. I was a man, working hard to take care of his family, loving his wife and child with his full heart. In my past life i was the darkness creeping up on unknowing people, swallowing them whole into the everlasting, unforgiving pit of depression. In my past life i was a road, one of the many paths not chosen often. You come to a crossway, which do you choose? The one worn down by everyday travelers or the one less traveled, more unique, for the more curious type. I was a book, old, torn pages with spinal issues, rarely checked out, not displayed with the others. One of a kind, my author a unique one with a lonely soul. A wolf out for blood from a hiding prey, lurking in the woods searching for life. In my past life i was a child, always outgoing and crazy, coloring on walls with permanent markers that were found hidden in the top shelf above the box where tiny people played. In my past life i was two women sharing the same body, same brain, but completely different thoughts being bottled up into one individual as if it were two. In my past life i was a lot of things, from animals, to objects, to people of different sorts. But today and always i will forever be me...

Imagine
When I turned around to see what had made the leaves crackle, I saw a wolf. But not just a regular old grey wolf, this one had wings. Large white and grey wings. One second he’s there the next he is not it was as if he had turned invisible. I watched as leaves crunched under nothing but air, as the steps came closer to me I felt the warm air blowing against my waist. I sat down and he became visible again. I started to whisper to him then he laid his head on my lap. I petted him across the length of his furry back. I smiled then stood up; he flew slowly as I walked beside him. We went back to my small cottage and I scrounged up some food for him afterward he followed me around and that night I went to lie in bed and feel asleep with him at the foot of my bed.

Held
I’m hurting so bad I just want to be held. I don’t care by whom; I just want to be held even by you. So I can cry with someone’s arms surrounding keeping me safe from other’s thoughts. Please anyone, someone, tell me if you care please… I need to be held

_____ . . .
_____ I just have to say one more thing before I loss you forever.
______ I still love you
_____ miss you
And _____ I still care
But my heart can’t take one more break before it completely tares my tears keep on falling but my love keeps on going
_____ I gave you my heart, my all, my everything, it hurt so bad when you got taken away leaving me alone with my tear covered bed. It took till now to figure out what love really means
_____ all I have to say is
_____ I miss you
_____ I care
And ______ I love you

Red
Such a big difference between those emotions but their color is one on the same. Most people believe each emotion had its own color. But mine are all the same. Pain and tears, love and pleasure they all come together when I see their color. Blood or pink it’s still the same. Red is just a color but it describes them all the same.

Knight
You are my true love
Being here with me tonight
Reading books with me
You have my heart now
Staying here with me all night
My angel is you

Breaking
I’m trying to decide weither or not to forgive you. I mean yeah it was bad but I love you just the same either way it still is not right. I talk the talk but evidently you walk the walk. I know not what it is I am supposed to do, I understand what it is I need to do but that is something that I cannot do. What we shared was something special, something unique why did you have to break it and tear me apart?

Trouble

I am still having trouble understanding what the problem is with me. I try and try again but I never get anywhere but here. So now I have decided just to give up on it all. Why not just let me go?
I know you can’t let me go, I hear you say it all the time but why not try, for once in your life try. Try to be happy, try to forget me. I’ll be happy if you just pretended to move on and let me go on thinking you moved on. Then only then will I be happy. I want to move on, to date, and to breathe in fresh air and smile. But no, all I can think about is you. I keep on feeling guilty about it, even though I know it wasn’t my fault. How can I be sure?

Seeing Stars
Wishing now would be completely useless at this point. There’s no chance of my problems getting fixed no matter whether or not I wish on a star or a plane. My life will still be the same as it is now. I cannot give up the love I hold dear it is the reason I am still here. So do me a favor and tell me the truth do you still care like I do? Whispers around me making me nuts telling me how much you really mean to me. I miss you, I love you all things I could be saying but instead I’ll sat this… I won’t forget you.

Carpe Diem
Seize the moment that you forever wanted. Before the chance gets up and walks away, your strength will show if you shall go, while keeping your head up high facing the pain that may come your way. Take the chance of hurt or fame you’ll never know if it will show it’s self again

Hurting Me Worse
I hate you with all my heart
You steal my stuff
You make me cry
You say you love me
When you hold me tight
However, little do you know
I hate your hugs
Your painful stares
I wish you dead
Not in my head
I know you smoke
I see your eyes
Do me a favor
And say good-bye
Do me a favor
… And die

Let go
How painful it is to watch you move on
To find someone else, to not love me any more
I miss you; I love you I miss how you used to say those to me
Kiss me, hug me
Don’t let go, keep me close hold me tight
Nevertheless, please don’t let go

I thought
I thought I saw a hint of smile cross your face
I thought I saw a hint of love in your eyes
I thought I felt your warm touch on my skin
I thought I smelt your cologne pass by my nose while you were not here
I thought I heard your voice in my head
I thought I was dreaming when I saw you there
I thought I was crazy when I heard them say
I thought I died when you went away
I thought you loved me when you said you did
I thought you knew about me when you spoke riddles in my head

Believed You
With all your reasons, with all your lies
I believed you and then I cried
Your love for me I think has died
With arms surrounding and kisses so sweet
With my love for you I never sleep
I have spent all my time wondering why
Why did you leave me hurting so bad?
Pain seeping through to my tear covered bed

Because of you
I am the one who answered the telephone that night
I am the one who heard you die
I am the one who cried for hours
I am the one who he saved for last
I am the one who did not die
I am the one who was haunted for life
I am the one who is scared of men
I am the one who has flashbacks
I am the one who moved away
I am the one who would change places with you…
********************************************
I am the one who cried at night
I am the one who snuck out on to the roof
I am the one who has flashbacks of that night
I am the one who fakes a smile
I am the one who lives in two worlds
I am the one who has a scar
I am the one who wants to die
I am the one who took care of them
I am the one who wishes for death on stars
I am the one who you killed inside…
**********************************************
I am the one who loved you
I am the one who you were engaged too
I am the one who you saved
I am the one who kissed you in the rain
I am the one who misses you at night
I am the one who kept you out of trouble
I am the one who you said you loved
I am the one who trusted you
I am the one who always had you on her mind
I am the one who you cheated on

Secret crush
No one knows about my wish
My secret us to be
Seeking hopes, liking looks
You could be mine
If you wished to be
Secret us, you and me
All the time my thoughts
Fade away leading myself
To think of you and home
I wished… you would be mine

Dear Heart
Dear heart,
Why do you still ache for his love? Why don’t you hate him instead? Could you please stop making me feel guilty for something I did not do?







Love, the stomach full of










butterflies
P.S. Will you stop breaking so much?
It’s getting hard to swallow so much pain.

Loving you
Loving you is like burning your skin so good but isn’t right
Only you are able to make me feel like you do
Very special, you are very special to me
Everything that you do makes me more in love with you
In every life I have you are the one for me
Never going to let you go no matter what
Being pulled apart but I still love you the same. You are my world my life my hero. One person for me and that is you
Usually I don’t care about people but I care about you
Definitions
You= my fiancé, my life, my hero, my everything
Me= a broken hearted girl
Us= what there used to be
Heart= what I gave to you
Love= what you gave to me
Hurt= what you did to me

Channels
The switch of T.V channels reminds me of my emotions. Always changing going to something new. Ever had the feeling of sheer boredom, but be doing exactly what it is you want to do? I just do not get how that happens.

Butter
The burn rips through my skin like a butter knife going through melted butter. You can do it repeatedly but you just cannot make it stay apart.

Lover, Lover
A kiss from a god
On the lips of a lover
The taste of smoke
On his rosy lips
The beat of her heart
Against his bare chest

Make it together
Oh how I miss that warm touch that melted my heart. I don’t care what they say I will be your again someday. I do not care how long I have to wait. They say death to us; our eternal love was to strong. So forever grateful it was. When you said your love would never fade. They did it to me to try and pull us apart. So now I know, you melted my heart.

Never told you
I never told you I wanted to die instead I told a lie. I didn’t want to believe what you told me even though I knew it was true. I didn’t tell you about my secret. You found out on your own, I never told you what he did instead I said I don’t know. I didn’t want to know why I hate you if I did I’d wish I didn’t know. You never told me what really happened instead I never asked. I never told you about that fight instead I pretended not to know. I didn’t want to believe I did it after he told the truth. I didn’t want to believe that he killed me instead I am still here. He didn’t tell me I said it instead he let me keep going. I never told you the truth so instead I’m still rotting in this hole. I didn’t want to know so I said I don’t know, when I reality I’m the only one who does.

Three
I was hurt, self hurt, painlessly hurt
It was belated, wasn’t able to be saved, Too many times tried
Every day, didn’t stay,
Faded away
More time, so stiff, Yet still
Faded away,
One scar, not enough
Faded away
Will this change
Will be different
Will scar

Apart
I’m trying to decide wither or not to forgive you for what you did. I mean yeah it was bad but I love you. And yeah I love you but I don’t know that it’s enough. I talk to people I don’t’ usually. Girls I barely know giving me advice. I know what it is I’m supposed to do; I understand what needs to be done. But our love, what we shared was something special, something unique. Why did you have to break it and tear me apart?

Edge
The edge isn’t an edge but a new beginning. Beginning to a fight which might feel like you’re flying a kite. You may get inpatient but it’ll be worth it. If only you could hold on and ignore it. Your eyes may fill with tears if you can peer at all the prizes. The edge isn’t an edge is closest, but if you fly your kite next to it, e sure you don’t fall off it.

It
What is it like girls whisper in my ears. Honestly I wouldn’t’ know. Getting through me isn’t’ easy. I always wondered why you didn’t. Then I realized something, what if my stories are true? What I someone really did and I don’t’ remember? It explains it but how? When? Could that by why I can’t remember anything? Did I misinterpret my fear for hope? Is that why it haunts me in my dreams? Is that why it hurts to think back to my memory, my first memory of me like that? Do I have a reason to be like this? Am I ill? Is that why? Has all this, all these years been because of that? Let me shorten that for you… Am I dead or am I still burning?

Seen through a window
Oh how she ached to be free. Looking out that window felt like trying to unlock a door with the wrong key, it just wouldn’t budge. She’d been locked up there for centuries, seeing the horses run wild across the grass covered hills, wishing she could be on the back of the leading horse. She was sure it would be a prize winner if only it would be tamed. Karmin just felt so alone, so crazed to get out. She needed to find a way. If only that window was unlocked, with its frame so bold and shut but its view so open. She could see the wind freely blowing from side to side against the trees, helping to keep the tiny and young ravens on their flight. Soon she found herself caught up in her world outside the window. It was so close but so far away at the same time. Being a princess wasn’t all it was cracked up to be she thought. Being locked in a tower for life with only a window as a connection to the outside world. You’d be amazed how long and hard she had studied the horses roaming and the trees swaying. Her only entertainment being when a thunderstorm hit. It giving her a light show in the sky. She’d never felt the drops of rain on her pale skin, or the sun on her face. Even now all she could do was watch. That was the worst part of it all. That window, its shape and class, it was so unique. Of course it was made of wood but she’d never seen anything like it before. Maybe a cinnamon brown with a speck of a pale tan look mixed in. The glass so lucid and transparent. She wondered how it was made. The bars behind the glass interested her even more. Steel bars guarding her, but killing her all at ones. How she’d love to be able to tear them down and open the window letting in fresh air that didn’t come through a vent. That window was her only means of escape, it was her salvation. Her only hope of getting free. It gave her strength and hope. She would get out but until that day she’d continue to sit on the uncomfortable chair by the window and watch as the years went by. Praying, that one day her knight and shining armor will ride over that hill and save her from the place of unforgiving fate of pain. She had her own little would keeping her alive, one day at a time.

Invisible?

Can you her me? Do you see me? I am here, keep me, save me, and please don’t hate me. I can’t control all those words that roll oh roll how they roll off my tongue. Sending me down to the edge and back. A tear drops down, so silly, so sad. I can’t turn around, they just push me down. Down, down I fall, off into the pit of darkness. Then I am gone. Back sitting in class, I am me, me is here. I am, invisible.

Sorry or not
Some day you’ll realize why, one day you’ll know I wasn’t lying. When I die young you’ll be sorry you didn’t try to understand. When you’re left alone, yeah you’ll be sorry

Fire
Feel the burn of fire on your skin, feel the calm flowing of a river flushing down your cheek. Feel all the pain you gave to me and how it feels to have hope taken away as quick as can be. Feel what you did to me. Yes I mean you. This time… it wasn’t him

Fake brother
So sane and relaxing
Distant and fulfilling
Giving hope and stories
Saving us from each other
Not realizing, he is why we are here

I miss that boy
I feel like writing about that boy who drives me crazy. That boy puts butterflies in my stomach when he catches me when I fall. The look in his eyes when I go around in my tank top and booty shorts. That boy who turns me on when he puts his hands on me. That boy who loves like no other I’ve ever known, who shows his true feelings and his heart on his sleeve. I was fortunate enough to see how he loves me… Just like I do him. I miss that boy’s love. I miss the boy who wrapped his arms around me when he slept beside me. The boy who gave me his shirt when he knew I wouldn’t wear it but is it as a pillow case. I miss the boy who laughed when I told him about my fights with my brother. I miss the boy who got me things even though I told him no thanks. I miss the guy that did things only because of my puppy dog eyes. I miss the boy whose anger I stood in front of because I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. I miss the boy who I shed tears over because he’s not here. If I could be held by him one last time… god help me… I miss that boy

Why me?
Why me? Why’d you have to go and hurt me like that? I miss you so much it hurts/ I loved you! I still do. It hurts so bad knowing you made such a bad mistake and had to leave me here all alone. I miss your hugs, your kisses your goofy laugh. I could go on about everything I miss about you but the bottom line is I miss you, everything about you. I don’t’ know wither to believe you when you say you’re right, but something in my gut says you are, and I just have to go on believing that my gut is right.

Lone wolf
Red blood dripping down, blinding the lone wolf. Sounds of hounds chasing behind, he cannot stop now, trying to hop rock to rock across the river bed. Poor wolf blind as a bad please make it home safe. “
AHHH!”
He wakes up. Boy sitting in a rocket ship bed. Stares at the sky wondering why that wolf was in his head. He then falls asleep clucking his stuffed animal in his hand.

Black Crow
Black crow sitting alone waiting for the night to come. On a roof coving a barn but just till the moon shines bright. Then he’ll be off roaming the dark, until the television turns on again.

Fake feelings
Finally I’m untied from you. I just couldn’t’ take it anymore. I mean I could have but what would have been the point? Living a life connected with you bonded by golden rings. I just didn’t want to be married. Well I did but not to you. It’s not my fault about my feelings I have not going away. I tried I just hope you knew that. I wish you would have stayed with me. Even if I did still have slight non-avoidable feelings for your only blood brother. I still loved you remember the love we shared? You mean everything to me; at least now I know I meant less than the gum on your shoe to you.

Stop
Don’t tell me to stop or I’ll stop everything now. I’ll close up tight till my heart won’t beat again. Stop, why must I stop? What is it I need to stop again? My breathing, my movement, my tears? I can’t, no I won’t stop. Stop go stop go why can’t you make up your mind?
Why does red mean stop and green mean go? Especially if red is the color of my blood and blood is always moving. So now red means go and green means stop, I just don’t’ seem to understand. Don’t’ tell me to stop…
Little girl’s dream
Deep back in the woods where the deer all go is a small little cottage where I young girl grows. Only one bedroom, no room for guests. A girl sleeps quietly while dogs run lose in the fence. Wood stove works for heating and stored in the kitchen, it keeps the house warm. Spiral stairs leading up to a room barely big enough to relax with a book, the girl’s favorite spot to be. A T.V is not needed, she works instead. Look out the glass window to watch the rabbits in the meadow. A small garden is her next door neighbor as a way to feed her hungry belly. Vines grow along the wooded deck and stairs to hide it from the view of society’s hunger. Two little windows one on each side of the door looks into the kitchen and to the back door. A little gated area to keep the puppies from wandering off into the darkness. Hammock in the yard and books on shelves are what keep her busy all year round. Only animals are her neighbors, so no need to fright. When she turns up the music to clean at night. Be prepared to feel a little crazy if you enter her house ‘fore she doesn’t like strangers who aren’t quiet as a mouse. No one knows where she is, so she doesn’t need to worry. She’s her own little queen but her house’s little slave. The house is her dream and in that dream is me.

Didn’t try
Well I don’t know if there’s any chance of there being an us again but honestly I hope there is. I don’t want to be alone, but yet I try to understanding what you did and why you did it, no one understands. It hurts knowing I was the reason; it hurts more knowing I could have stopped you; it hurts worse knowing I didn’t.

Questions and answers
I look at your face and you’re giving me that crooked smile which always means you want me to distract the teacher. So I call him up to my desk which is across the room from yours and ask a question that I know out of experience it will take him off topic. Out of the corner of my eye I watch as you go up to his desk and start to copy down the answers to the test we are about to take. We did this at the beginning of every test just so you’d be able to ace it. I didn’t read the answers, I studied always. You and I both understood how much trouble you’d get in you failed the test so there I sat while you copied the answers listening to him go on and on about atoms and molecules. I look at him face and realize he has almost finished answering my question so I asked another. How stupid could the guy be? I mean if he turned around now he’d catch you in the act and I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. So when he finished answering my questions I let him turn around. And find you sitting back in your seat looking at me, as If you had heard everything I had thought.

You
In the beginning I was fine, you ignored all my signs. But I think it’s time to show you something. Why can’t you see, I’m speaking straight from the heart. To you, not anyone else in the world…but you

Lover
I sit here thinking of u. the way u look at me when we r close. The way u move when u crave it. The way u breathe when I fulfill your urges. Everything is a swirl in my mind driving me insane searching for a light at the end of this tunnel but I see none in sight, ever wishing your arms to be wrapped around me feeling our hearts combine into one. Feeling your lips intertwined with mine sending me deeper and deeper into a state of belonging like I have never known b4. This last year has brought me so close to u I can tell your mood by the warmth of your body I can see your thoughts in the looks u give me. Is this love true unbridled love? Can it be stronger? I honestly don’t know but one thing I do know is I will love you till the day I die no one or nothing will ever change that. I promise to stand by your side thru all the good and bad times. there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for u. yours forever.....I wish I could lay beside u all night holding u so close we can feel each other’s heart beat and feel each other’s skin. I want to fall asleep beside u and wake up with the scent of your hair tickling my nose I want to be able to kiss u good night and good morning. I appreciate everything about u and I love all of u the good and the bad I love you.

Untrue
We were close, we were one
You were my everything, my world, my one
Then one day you walked away
Ever since nothings been the same.
I still love you this is true
But you, your love wasn't as true
As mine, as I wished it were
So now I walk away
Tears in my eyes
Pain seeping into my heart
Because of you
Because of what you did
Because your love wasn't true
Because you don't love me like I do you

Remember from life
Remember all the memories we have, don’t let them slip away
Remember the love you felt, the pain and the sorrow
Remember the things we shared, the little secrets looked within a word
Remember to keep trying, to always be prepared
Remember to hold close what it is you’ve always held dear
Remember your actions, the words you spoke, and the reaction you get from them
Remember the objects that made you happy
Remember the things that make life worth it
Remember who stood by you and held you strong till them end
Remember the ones that ran away, never looking back
Remember those who think you worth it and forget the ones that didn’t
Remember the turns you made, and the roads that called you forward
Remember the colors of the rainbow, the feel of raindrops and warmth of the sun
Remember the tiger’s growl, cat’s meow and the snake’s hiss
Remember everything that life showed you
But most of all remember don’t give up

Pillow
Dear Pillow,

I love you so much; you’ve been there for me through it all. You helped me sleep and were there when I cried. I know you’ll always listen to me, you are my closest friend. You are mine and only mine so thank you for not making me share you. But mostly right now I just wanted to say I miss you and I’ll be home soon.









Love,









Me


Secrets
Secrets I have, secrets I’ve shared. Are nothing like the secrets I hold dear, but of course only you know what they really mean

Easy
It’s easier to say I don’t’ love him then to explain why I do. It’s easier to pretend that you were right then to argue why you weren’t. It’s easier to pretend every things okay when in reality it’s not. It’s easier to whisper behind her back “I’ll be his again someday” then to say it to her face. It’s easier to do a lot of things but it’s better to tell the truth.

Shattered
My heart may be shattered into the tiniest of pieces, but I still love you with every piece. You may have hurt me but I forgive and forget. Although I feel as though my life is over, I know it is just the beginning. It might be a fight but I’ll still be with you. They won’t like it but I will marry you someday. You may not be able to forgive yourself but we all know I already do. There’s no need to wait till tomorrow for what we could do today.

Through it all
Our love will not have a happy ending nor will it be an ending at all. Through love has no ending; it just keeps going through the different ages. No matter the time or place we all know our love is strong. It lasts through out the time change, the different bodies and all the space between. We will always be together even if we’re far apart.

The author's comments:
Sorry for any spelling or grammar issues

Life
This heart has a reason, a line of coming about. This heart has the truth and it has the lies. But it can’t tell me what happened that night, it can’t tell me who it was. All it can say is look here I am.
I can’t remember our last kiss
Or even our last hug
But that night, I remember that night
Our last fight now I remember that
How could I not? It was the last time I saw you…
And the beginning to a horrible life time
Your green eyes staring at me, tears in them
You begging me to let you stay
Me looking away, to never set eyes on you again
How I wish for a time machine
To go back to that night
The last night
I got hurt
Hurt by you
The pain of losing you having to force a smile when I’m around them
Getting up getting through the day but what hurts the most
Was not watching you walk away
Not knowing that it’d be the last night
The last time I’d ever see you again
Still having so much to say but being too afraid
What I was trying to do was say I still love you
But I shut my mouth and prayed for the best
Now look what’s happened
I sit here all alone looking round
Tears fall every day, having to go on without you
I pretend I’m okay
Even though we both know the truth
I’m lost without you
Moving on
Going on everyday as if you don’t exist
Even though my world revolved around you
Now it’s blown never to be the same
How much pain I go through
I wish they could see
What you mean to me
So I can stop
Trying to go on without you
It’s hard to keep going
When I feel like this
Just wanting to say
I love you
While getting wrapped in your arms
But instead your gone
Lost forever in the wind
I watch the river flow and I think of you
And how you used to know how much I loved you
Now we both sit just wondering if
I still love you
Wondering why our last kiss
Had to be so far away
Before that night
Before the fight began
There’s something died inside me
Where no one else can see besides you and me
Oh how time used to fly by when we were close
But now it melts away like an ice cube on the snowy ground
One lie spread among us tore use down
Crumbled us up like a piece of paper thrown across the house
It’s like when a lover tells you everythings going to be okay…
You trust them, you believe them
Everything I have is now at stake,
my love, my hope, my trust, my world, my everything…
all I can do is to ask you
why?
Why throw it all away?
Can you believe it?
It’s all gone down hill from then
From romeo and Juliet’s proven love
To, well, nothing
What can I say?
I gave my all away
Handed it over like paper
Not thinking of what would happen
If what was said meant nothing
My words, my words were true
But yours oh your words hurt
Not that I realize it was all a ploy
It hurts worse then anything else in my life because I now realize
It was all a lie
No. there was none
if you shall ask me none of what?
Oh have I got an answer for you
No True love
Or first kiss
No real meaning behind those words
No hours spent at the pond
No hugs in the dark
Or dinner with the family
Or anything
None of that was real
So it was none
And that my friend
Is how
You tell someone
The truth
by saying it
Speak it aloud
Move your lips in synced motion
Breathing in between words
Sound, noise made by air being pushed between your crooked teeth
What is there to say now?
I miss you always have always will
But today, is the day
That I’m going to walk away
And never look back
Upon the face
Of the one who killed my soul, my hope, my trust, my love, my everything…was killed by thee

Feelings of a mother
My head hits the pillow for the night
All my feeling wrapped up tight
Oh how I dread my bed. My deepest thoughts are corrosive, they eat my pride, they saturated my essence to be alive. This is why my feelings hide; they pierce my heart it starts to bleed, hope and joy my thoughts will feed.
The room is awfully quiet yet in my head there is a riot. All that I am, picked apart. With no one knowing of my dying heart.

In My Past Life
In my past life i was an old rotting log just relaxing in the woods getting older, making a perfect stool for passing hikers that needed a rest. In my past life i was a Chimney Sweep, laying eggs in a chimney, making it impossible for workers to do their job. "Go ahead, mess with me, it'll cost you your house." Im my past life i was a rose beginning off in the ground, moving to a pot, then landing on someone's table as a gift for a loved one. In my past life i was a pair life i was a pair of blue jeans just old enough to be worn in and doodled on but, young enough to have my whole life ahead of me.

You Move Me Like Your Unforgettable Love
You move me like your unforgettable love
You move me like the ring you put on my finger as a promise
You move me like the scar on my arm
You move me like the love i had for you
You move me like my deceased dog Blue who was like a mother to me
You move me like my obsession for the internet
You move me like the love of pain i have
You move me like the heart carved into my hand
You move me like the sweet sound of the piano
You move me like the warm sunny days during the Summer
You move me like sitting by the fireplace during Winter
You move me like finding twenty dollars in my pocket because i forgot it was there
You move me like the love i wish i could feel from my family
You move me like every night when i cry myself asleep
You move me like the horrific things people say about me
You move me like the grudges i keep
You move me like when people try to talk crap to my friend and i stand by her side
You move me like the time i cried because my parents made me go on the field trip
You move me like the guilt of making my best friend go on the Williamsburg trip alone because i was too afraid
You move me like watching my siblings cry because my parents yelled at them
You move me like the feeling you get when you get kicked out
You move me like the pain you caused me
You move me like hearing people put me down
You move me like the hate i carry for them
You move me like the feeling of being petrified of your own father
You move me like being in love with you all those years then you getting put away
You move me like waking up on a Saturday to my mother sitting beside me telling me my fiance got put in jail
You move me like caring for you then you hurting me
You move me like your so called "brother" trying to sleep with me when i house sat
You move me like finding out my cat mysteriously disappeared and we never found out why
You move me like all those songs we agreed reminded us of each other
You move me like getting a letter from you once a week
You move me like crying once a week, because someone was a jerk and brought you up in a conversation
You move me like wanting to be a medical transcriptionist but knowing i'll never be able to
You move me like knowing i'll never be good enough for anything
You move me like hearing i'm a whore from random strangers
You move me like being depressed and not knowing why
You move me like having anxiety all the time and it not going away with any type of medication
You move me like when you held me
You move me like our first kiss
You move me like you do and noone will move me the same as you

SNP
Tree tops blocking sunlight from the ground
Paths quiet and bright
Benches sitting alone in wait
Single old worn down tree for carving, letting everyone know you were there
Time free flowing relaxed
Fresh air washing over
Friends laughing and talking about
Nature nurturing us back to health
Letting minds settle and stress float away
Birds chirping singing cheery songs
Bears sleeping in caves
Animals running wild in the woods
People caught walking, mumbling, and watching
The trails came to keep us sane

I Still Don't Know
I don't remember...is that bad?
I like girls.


I like boys.
I'm not sorry.

Music is life.
The problem is simple when solved
Depression, Anxiety, what if, who knows?
Can our love still be saved?
I admit it i did wrong
Silent and listen = the same letters
Invisible scars, no scars, faded scars
Still don't know... Will i ever?

Observational Writing
Oh the things you can see
When you walk by that tree
Birds chirping on a branch
Bugs crawling across the land
Ant hills crushed beneath
Animals prints scurrying every which way
Big ones, little ones, small or large ones
All behind the track
That people tend to walk
Round and round in a circle you go
Black top with white lines, oh how time flies
Class over now
How sad
Back to school we go
Save the adventure for another time
Yeah that sounds about right

Addicted Again
Mind's fuzzy
Arm's tingle
Eyes barely awake
Brain blank
Standing
Motionlessly on a chair
Her lips turn an icy blue
This tiger had far too many stripes
She cried a little
Silently
As she stared
At the only thing left
A book so gently placed
On the wooden desk
Broken back
Torn pages here and there
Tears stained every page
Her thoughts and fears
The life she absently lived
All written inside
Be strong now
The monster said
It's a dark place beyond that door
She grabbed the rope
That she hoped
Would take away the pain
Please don't leave
Her heart pleaded
It'll be over tomorrow
But alas in the end
She swung
With traces of a smile
And finally
A glimmer in her eyes

Day In the Life of Me

Day One
Here we go again
Sit all day
Bored to death
Talk with friends
Laugh
Home at last
Sit at the desk
Waiting For him to get on
Eventually
Giggly
Here we go again
Truth be told
I Love You

Day Two
Here we are again
Sitting here
Writing on a desk
Drama filled lunch
Finally home
Log on
Click his name
Smile
I Miss You

Day Three
Barely able to move
Out of bed
Bumpy bus ride
To school again
Bore
Test today
Fail it of course
Sit alone at lunch time
On the bathroom floor
Waiting... Waiting...
Need to be home
Bad luck day
Friday the thirteenth
Who knew?
Absently
Step on bus
All a blur
Get home
No need to log on
He's gone
Lay in bed
Cry
Piece of paper and a pen
Letters again
RCJ
P.O. 487
Stamp it
Lick it shut
TEH
Here we go again

Day Four
No school
No visitation
Cry
No call
Sleep
Just my luck
No letter
Bore
What do i say?
At least i'm home?

Four Slips of Paper
It may not seem too important
But I promise you that’s not true
It’s easier to be constant
In doing it first even if it’s not something you will pursue
A young girl once was accused of doing something wrong
But that person had thought that in fault
After that storm you wouldn’t believe
The gift she did not receive
Wedding eventually over heading to the reception
Her heart like a vault
He was her shining key
And she was his ocean and sea
But her past came back to haunt her
That person she used to taunt
Was there standing by her cake
Her heart started to ache
He told her husband the truth
Making her head blur and slur
She had once been his
And never will again
She tricked his eyes and burned his soul
It’s kind of funny if you think of it
The way her mind made her see
Two minds in one body
That still doesn’t make her special needs
But that no one can see
The wedding was a bust
The reception is the last she’ll see of him
Because...
She was the captain of a ship of trimmers
In a sea of trees
Who took their job a little too seriously
Imagine a forest burned down after a storm
No amount of water could stop it
There were no flames to put out
By the end it was nothing but stumps
Makes the animals feel as though there is a drought

By The Way
Never do i think what the heck am i supposed to do with this
She is not a girl to pass up the chance to keep a memory here
I always carry a pen on me, that is because i love to write
Except when the clock struck thirteen did i even have a pen on me
There is something to put down no matter the time or place
Most people think it is no problem or no sweat but not me
I do believe that there is no time like the present, don't wait
Want to know something? No news is good news for me
Writing things like "back when i was six and Mars was not seen",
No way can the game be over already, oh wait no dice, silly me
Christmas time, presents in early morning, or hot chocolate and tea
No matter what never forget Santa's cookies and reindeer's feed
This is what December twenty fifth means to me, can't you see?
At high noon i beg you, i plead, to please stay with me
I watch helplessly as The Demon King steals you away
At midnight i stand up and break away from all the peoples
I know it is the wrong way but i see the faults in our stars
It's a new divide today maybe my age will change no more seventeen
Why is it not against the law for the scale to tell your weight
It's like a fly swatter to the chest or stale rye bread to eat
Ebony the dark color timber that is my burning soul
This is my life in twenty lines, Lucky me.

You Move Me Like Breathing
You move me like taking a deep breath of fresh air
You move me like spinning in circles outside at two am
You move me like thinking about him
You move me like being sick
You move me like wanting to sleep all day
You move me like the feeling I get when I listen to a song I like
You move me like dozing off into another world while on the bus ride home
You move me like typing up poetry on the computer
You move me like jumping on the trampoline
You move me like getting my first tattoo and knowing I’ll never regret it
You move me like seeing him stick his tongue out at me, so hot
You move me like seeing pretty girls walk down the hall
You move me like seeing him and thinking wow I wish he was mine
You move me like the colors of the rainbow always in my life
You move me like the scars that no one can see
You move me like reading quotes
You move me like eating food
You move me like the alcohol on his breath
You move me like seeing the smoke roll out the window
You move me like words and how much they mean to me
You move me like being judged
You move me like being guilty by association
You move me like gay pride LGBT
You move me like checkered board of color
You move me like solving puzzles to clear my head
You move me like watching the stars while sitting on the roof
You move me like falling asleep in his arms
You move me like the touch of his lips on mine
You move me like the feeling of happiness when she sits on my lap during lunch
You move me like the promise I made to her
You move me like the promise I broke with him
You move me like being scared of what will happen
You move me like worrying about losing them
You move me like neglect and the new feeling the word has given me
You move me like them lying
You move me like a fully battery on my Ipod
You move me like listening to the band play
You move me like The Phantom of The Opera
You move me like Gone with the Wind
You move me like childish movies and video games
You move me like Disney movies with the kids
You move me like the childhood I don’t remember
You move me like the things I wish I could forget
You move me like the constant shaking of my leg
You move me like the meds I have to take
You move me like the hate in my heart
You move me like the butterflies in my stomach
You move me like late night football games
You move me like people watching
You move me like having money to spend
You move me like the bills being paid
You move me like lying in bed
You move me like how tired I am
You move me like how things are spelled
You move me like you did back then
You move me like that email I sent
You move me like all those letters I got
You move me like what EW meant to us
You move me like wearing a mask
You move me like how scared I am
You move me like the pain in my chest
You move me like losing my best friend
You move me like how lost I am
You move me like drawing hearts and stars
You move me like the breaking of bones
You move me like them asking if I’m okay
You move me like watching my brother dig
You move me like seeing them smile and laugh an honest laugh
You move me like a good day
You move me like wishing he was here and regretting it every time
You move me like the life I live
You move me like seeing the butterflies and birds flying in the breeze
You move me like watching the trees blow in the wind
You move me like the smell of a new book
You move me like the silence of sitting in a library
You move me like taking a shower in the dark listening to music
You move me like the songs that make me cry
You move me like hearing people call others mean names
You move me like watching my brother get close to death and coming back even better
You move me like seeing my family cry their hearts out and eyes dry
You move me like missing school
You move me like working on the yearbook
You move me like drawing on the sidewalk with chalk
You move me like random words
You move me like a high school crush
You move me like looking for her or him in the halls
You move me like waiting by my locker for a glimpse of him
You move me like missing Blue
You move me like wishing Bullet didn’t have to go soon
You move me like not knowing
You move me like dying
You move me like only you do

In My Past Life I was Not Me
In my past life I was a flower growing between the cracks in the side walk, trying hard to grow. Getting crushed below a girl’s foot every morning and every night as she walks to school, lonely and back home again, slowly.
In my past life I was ink dripping down off a needle into someone’s body permanently imprinting a story in their skin. Listen and I can hear their limbs whimper silently about the pain it causes. Maybe a date or name hopefully a whole arm piece or across their back yeah that’d be worth it I think.
In my past life I was color seeping into your everyday life. You cannot get away from me dull or bright I fill your life. A rainbow after it rains the blue in your jeans or color to your skin the darkness at night that brings your fears alive. Yeah just think what if that was me?
In my past life I was a song playing loudly in the air. Blowing out of the car a sweet lullaby gently tucking him into bed, comfort in a different style taking you away from all your problems comforting you even on the darkest of nights or brightest of days I was there holding you together.
In my past life I was a wolf howling to the moon calling my pack feeding off of what we could find, a wolf you saw sitting in the woods as you read your book the wolf you wished you could be. Freedom, free to go anywhere I pleased.
In my past life I was a creek flowing full of fresh water caring for the fish holding plenty of rocks in their path, a creek that flows all over the world even through the ocean yeah, that sounds nice, I’ll take the day off and be water for a day.
In my past life I was a bird flying high over the tree tops watching as the cars drive down below landing on my friend the tree who doesn’t have wings, I am so glad I don’t have roots I couldn’t handle being bound to one place.

Broken Plate
Broken plate
We wait
Shattered
Sharp edged pieces every where
No glue could put us back together again
We will never once again be one
Life’s journey at an end
Lying in shards on the cold hard kitchen floor
We cry
Water spots on the ground
Running between splinters of glass
No use left
Stuck
There’s no going back
Sorry does nothing to help
All you can do is throw away
The broken plate
And start a new slate
People aren’t like that
There’s no trash can for mistakes
Not like a stone
Taking all that comes its way
Broken plate
That we are
Try to forget what you once were
Focus on what you are now
. . Broke ..

Headache
People give me a headache, make me want to pull my hair out and scream. People i know, they do much worse. I just want to breathe, one deep breath. I wish i could say i know. for once. i want knowledge. clear mind and sight. So why do i always get put with the ones that are on a completly different mind set. I cannot say this thought. Patience level set to deal with. One unrganized page, colors floating away, headache, never leaving pain...
Work or What?
Writing
seen by children as work, by writers as nesessary as breathing
Words, a subconcious being, used by everyone
Everwhere you look, there are words hovering within your mind. If you were to look around the room, as i am now, what do you see?
Words.
Look into your past, what is there?
Memories.
Everytime i open my eyes i see stories all around me. Places that could be settings and people to make characters. A forest to hold a war, a barn to hold a marriage, a book to hold a mystery.
Who could have thought?
I watch and wait as titles of things flow through my mind, names of objects, sentences from books.
Words hide behind every blade of grass, every drop of water and mass. When you look at a bench atop of a bridge, all you see is a spot to sit. I look at that bench, i can see the world through it's eyes.
The bench watches as a girl rins by, even when a young boy dies.
Can you imagine that behind closed eyes?
Imagination comes from being wise. Read up. Write alot, and always, be sure of your words.

Love Isn't Enough
When i try to get outside my head, it hurts.
It is so hard to do
rarely anyone is able to get that story out of their mind
that they keep playing on and on within themselves
Life can be extremely hard
When i hear the words:
Give Up
Done
Suicide
I imagine myself laying in bed
Empty pill bottle beside my soulless body
The tears drip off my face
My only escape is sleep or death
They ask why i sleep so much
but that is why
They say we have to remind ourselves
Love isn't enough


Absent From School
Absent today
as you can tell
but of course
not my fault
they faught
he got sick
hospital stays
then it rained
no power
all week
stinky me
arguements once again
you could choke on the stress
holiday break
just a myth in here
there is no stopping it
MRI CT CAT Marrow IV Drip
too much, words couldn't explain
the pain he felt
Medications every day
Now he's back
So
no i don't care
Theres your absente note
Sorry now?

Learn About Death
Death
on my mind. Constantly
forming thoughts in my head
terrible terrible words
not worth the shed tears
every year
different ages, praying to an unknown figure
for a release from this hell hole earth
Life. Living. Day by day
Not worth it
fake smiles
towering over our meaning here
Color binding with black
bolding

Cliffs
Gloomy day
dark skies
hopeless thoughts will arrive
hold me once
break me twice
tear drops falling
from the clouds
close your eyes
edge so near
baby steps as from here
water crashing down below
acros jagged rocks
and sandy towns
hold your breath
arms our wide
take a big step
then fly

Pretend
Her laugh broke the silence, the silence there never was in a class she didn't have in a room never built in a nonexistant school. All from a girl that never existed because she never got a chance. Her mother, a drug addicted blank died and reincarnated as a teenager who did nothing but, party and get into trouble. At least that is what the girl wants to believe. In reality her hysterical bursted from within when she remember how he once almost gave her "mother" a bloody nose. She hated that woman with all her being. The classroom full of preppy students starved as her laughter turned to tears . Her tears turned to silence and back again a constant cycle. Acting as if she were not stuck in the middle of a broken household, she was but that was about to change.

Another Universe
Another universe inside our heads
A reality secretly away
Word so beautifully spelled
Dreams that keep one awake
Lyrics flowing in our minds
Headphones hanging now
Peace and quiet finally
Different types control our moods
Music is our escape
Colors so bright
Surrounding us
Cheerful and happy
Individually something
All together symbolizing LGBT pride
Rainbow oh I love you
Warm soft relaxing
I love the way it feels
Contentful and neutral

I stand
Comfy now I'll sit
Quietly we sit , patiently
and yet nothing is here
FInally, at last, silence is heard
No opinions or gossiping loud
things would be okay
if we could keep it to ourselves
enjoy your day quietly no problems would be caused
Why must you find nothing
Yet keep looking through the bottle
It isn't fair how you get then expect hapiness tommorrow
You're an alchoholic everyone knows except you
Theres no need to hate on me
Just because I'm Bisexual, close your eyes
Sheild your ears we're all human you know
Theres no reason to be homophobic because
some people like their own
Don't rush me because you're slow
Try being early or telling me sooner
Come on we're already late

Six By Six
Sun in her eyes
Dazed
Lips turn blue
She drinks that bleach
and her dog sleeps
beside her empty bed

Sky is black
Not even the moon dares to show
Rivers barely flow
His depressed soul
Takes that knife
As the wolves howl is heard

Secret cottage in the woods
Deserted once again
Birds chirping in the trees
Alien in her own home
No longer does the bed squeak
Since sounds of red drops fill her head

Confused
How did it turn south
As a panther, he pounced
On his chance for grey
Locked away behind the door
He swallowed then the black hole took control

Poor young girl
Loved the ocean too much
Her night stand light shut off
A tiger with lots if scars
Her white night gown clung to her
As she became debri of the sea

Six kids scared to death
Like a desert's lizard in the heat
This boy hung from an awua fan
Forever off this planet
All that's left is six long notes
On six different desks with one sad ending

Backward Drop
I absently laughed quietly to myself
When i heard her call my name
As if she thought it would stop me
She ran quickly but, not fast enough
For when she got too close I let go

Cemetary Plot
She whispered a shy single cry
in hopes that someone would hear
yet instead all they said was are you going to the game?
She pushed back the tears trying to spill
and said no, i don't wanna
after school she walked home silently in the rain cursing her name
her destination in sight
she darted to the rusty gates that held in the ghosts
she made her way to the back where her best friend lay
cold deep underground she knelt down weeping
please come back
in the distance back in her mind she could hear her whisper
come with me
as she often did after school trying to get her friend to go with her to the place she is now
the cliffside cemetary
that's where i'll be burried okay.
She remembers pointing to the grassy ground looking back at her friend
I guess so but why?
You'll see!
that was only a few days ago
she whispered to her friend i'll see you soon
as she ran to the top of the hill and fell off the cliff
laughing hysterically, smiling a joker's smile.
Death aparent in her eyes as her body landed on the jagged rocks









White Stuff
I feel as if chilly white particles
falling from the sky
make elegant rose petals
frost unbareable
A fire dances it's flames within your eyes
When i look into your eyes and you look in mine
Our heart heats sync and share the same rythme
Bright stars in the spacious universe
Lighting up the darkened skies
I long dreamed of a place where breathing
Wasn't so hard, now here i stand
inside one
a silent forest, just you and me

Stars
The stars danced
The stars chase
The stars sing us all a lullaby
The lullaby puts us all to sleep
The stars chase nightmares away
No nightmares, so the stars, they sing

Denial
They keep talking
but i refuse to listen
This will not end well
No longer do i hold it close
My love for it has ended
I decided long ago
I refuse to listen
They are not careful
But, i will be till i fall
a clean slice to me
My heart and entire being
I do agree to pounder
On the thoughts inside my head
Confusion fills my being
Breaking my train of peace
I have jumped into a deep dark hole-forever
Now i know, i think, for sure that it's pain
My escape had ended
It is now a cage
Ending my holly
Terrorizing all the way
The dirt under my nails shows my passion
To something no longer good
Soon they will see the affect they had
To a person no longer here
I solved the great mystery
I figured out the answer is tears
Tears silence and death
My strategy is to run
Run fast
Until i run out of breath

Run
I am the one, Scared
I am the one, Terrified
I am the one, Sad
I am the one, Depressed
I am the only one who knows
My heart hurts worse than ever before
The tears will fall more often
Silently i am missunderstood
I am the one in clas
I am the one wishing, wishing
so badly to burn
But no, the ink denies me that luxuary
I am the one, Shaking
I am the one dying on the inside
My lungs collapse, my heart explodes
Why? I beg , plead
No longer can i stand the pain, the agony
The tears stain the sheet of paper lying in front of me
Writing is my outlet, my escape
They took my sanctuary from me
So now i must leave
The physical pain i feel in my chest is no where near where it used to be
Save me
I cannot deal with it any longer
I might explode. I want to scream
I cannot breathe
I want to die
Never more in my life have i felt this way

Cupid's Love
They dabble among the crush.
The crush of many a man's hearts.
A man's heart simular to hard stone
Hard stone, shattering into millions of little pebbles
Millions of pebble scattered around like ants
Like ants are too tiny to matter
To matter you must break hard, to be noticed that is
That is something disliked about mankind
Mankind believes it is more important than others
But then others do not think, Earth, never thinks
Never think a seed is useless, one day it may grow into a tree
A tree that two lovers will meet under
Under a spell of cupid's love
But cupid's love will end, when the arrow runs out of live
The love of those two may hault, because of another man
Another man possibly preparing to have his heart broken
Broken another man's heart, Dabbling around for the show
The show of the crush, of many a man's hearts
A man's heart easily broken, by tearing the thin shield
Sheild that she obviously took down
Took down when she fell in love
In love with another man
Yet again, another man's crush of heart

Why
She shrugged her shoulders and said, " I don't know why"
That's when my heart started to bleed
She laughed at me
My broken faced expression
My smile faded away
I watch the clock
Like an organism under a microscope
Heart beats fast
A scream built up in my throat
Feeling like i'm going to pop
As if a needle pushed against
The latex of a balloon
I walk across this room
Like the thin line of tight rope
Hoping i don't fall over the edge
Surrounded by all these clowns
Three ring circle
Making my head pulse
Me an acrobat
Swinging from emotion to emotion
Roller coaster ride from hell
What would it take
How would you tame that lion?

I Never Told You
I never told you i missed him
Instead i said I love you
I didn't tell you i thought of him
Instead i said i missed you
I never told you he was in my dreams
Instead i said i always think of you
I didn't tell you how i felt
Instead i said what you wanted to hear
I never told you i feel like trash
Instead i said i'm adorable
I didn't tell you i can't face my reflection
Instead i said i'm talented, can do my hair without a mirror
I never told you about my addiction
Instead i said i was in pain
I never told you i wanted attention
Instead i said it's okay, go.
I never told you about the aches
Instead i said i'm fine
I didn't tell you about the rumor
Instead i said i made a mistake
I never told you i took pills
Instead i said i'm sick
I never told you i missed her
Instead i said i want to go hime
I never told you the things i see
Instead i said a lie. again

Because
Cause you were day dreaming
You lost connection to reality
You forgot a lot of things
Cause you forgot a lot of things
You became distant
Cause you became distant
You had no friends
Cause you had no friends
You were depressed
Cause you were depressed
You got on medication
Cause you got on medication
You got sick
Cause you got sick
You were put in the hospital
You died from lack of oxygen
Cause you were in the hospital
Cause you got sick
Cause you got put on medication
Cause you were depressed
Cause you had no friends
Cause you became distant
Cause you forgot a lot of things
Cause you lost connection to reality
Cause you were day dreaming

You Move Me Like a Truck Running Over My Body
You move me like a truck running over my body
You move me like the exaustion you cause
You move me like needing tape to hold my eyes open
You move me like the warmth of my bed
You move me like the tingling in my arms
You move me like the gasping i mist do
You move me like an out of body experience
You move me like my stomach cursing me
You move me like moving slower than a snail
You move me like the burn in my throat
You moge me like feeling like all the shades of gray
You move me like the cramps, like not having the energy to speak
You move me like wanting to sleep
You move me like the bands around my wrist
You move me like the bruise on my vein
You move me like not being able to think
You move me like my feet falling asleep
You move me like the adrenaline in my chest
You mve me like not wanting to breath
You move me like switching cold to hot, hot to cold
You move me like forgetting while in the middle of a sentence
You move me like not wanting to eat
You move me like staying home every day
You move me like my mind weighing a ton
You move me like the tears i shed and those i don't
You move me like me not being me
You move me, making me sick

FML
My savior to killer
It finally filled my eyes
F
hope had left
Tears held behind
No longer a cheer
Only a goodbye
Once was a pleasure
To unroll with repeating
Words throbbing inside
The thick empty skull
Colors turn dull
Noone cares
Don't even bother
M Air refusing to enter
The tubes conected to the empty
Pool of hate
I regret it now
The first time ever
Pain
Tearing down the walls
That were once built high
The cool wet drops
Roll down the porous face
Hanging until the last second
Drip. Drip. Drip.
Hate
Disgust
Tanted home
Turned to hell
L...

I Was NOT Okay
For years i screamed in my head that i was not okay.
i could not voice my thoughts
noone noticed the ghosts in my eyes
the monster from below my bed sneaked into my head
things got worse, my heart hurt
why couldn't you see what had happened to me?
but
it's okay
im better than before
no thanks to you

Too Many
I didn't want to believe that i was my fault
I was stuck in denial
I didn't want to know
How i had hurt them
I already knew deep down inside
I didn't want to know what was wrong with me
I had a feeling it was nothing good
I didn't want to believe
She "loved" me
I felt no love
At least
That's what i wanted to believe
I didn't want to believe
It had a label
Inside i already knew
E.D, Depression, Suicidal, Anxiety
oh my
I didn't want to know what they thought of me
I'm pretty sure it's nothing good
I didn't want to know
How many lives i had ruined
How many people i had hurt
I already knew the answer
One i didn't like
Too Many

Bridge
This is the life of bridge.
It's life shown through the loss of others. The bridge stood strong as the boy ran his sixth mile that morning, the sun had barely peaked above the tree tops
why?
the bridge wondered why so much? The boy used his parents words as his desperate drive to lose weight fast. Every morning, every night, no matter the weather.
He would run across the bridge, eventually the bridge realized he was just telling him the time.
One night a girl sits on the edge of the bridge crying, she had run away from what she knew was a terrible life. She could no longer stand it.
She had to escape and now was her chance.
She leaped from the railing without even so much as a wimper or sigh.
Landing harshly on the world wind of boulders below.
The bridge wanted to screm out to cry to save her but it's concrete frame held it steady.
A boy barely a teenager, stood battered and broken.
Due to a drunken father that he could never understand.
What did he do to deserve this? He asked himself that often
Yet
Still
Didn't know

Creative Writing
To force the memories to the front is there but with the good comes the bad. Would you take the risk to remember? So far i haven't but, one day, one day i will. That will be a hysterical and scary day. The confessions of the other girl. I could write about my experience as the other girl or what i have seen as the best frined of the other girl but i won't waste your time. Instead i shall write about being the other girl in class. The quiet girl sits back and holds her pencil in her hand writing. I wish i was as patient and as honest as her. The one with many friends, strong, if only i was like her. The talkative one oh how i wish i was that outgoing or of course the one i admire. The one without a title, adorabel, nice and seemingly a good friend. The one who even on a bad day, with no care, still looks wonderful. Ha if only that were me. The funny kid even when mad he can make you laugh. The boy who loves music and music loves him, i wish i could be like you. The one who shares her opinion and is alwats cool, and the girl that is very creative. All i gotta say is be strong, all of you, and when the going gets tough don't say why me, say try me and break through. Don't let the issues of time take or make an effect on you. Each of these people and many others of the past inspire me, and helped me in one way or another.

The author's comments:
Sorry for any spelling or grammar issues.

By The Way
By the way I’ll be there for you whenever you need me
By the way you are a beautiful person
By the way people do care
By the way don’t let anyone bring you down
By the way I miss you
By the way you taught me to be happy again
By the way when you get upset take a deep breath and count to ten
By the way when life gives you lemons make lemonade and throw it on someone
By the way if you do that, laugh
By the way the only thing you need to fear is fear it’s self
By the way I love how you dress
By the way I love your personality
By the way you are my closest friend
By the way I’m sorry for making you upset
By the way one day I’ll write a book for you
By the way you are really active and that I great
By the way I’m proud of you and all that you do
By the way you have gone through more bad than anyone deserves
By the way it’s okay to have a bad day
By the way we are honored to call you family

Chocolate Melting in Her Hand
She knows how to get her way
With those sparkling eyes of hers
And the grin covering her face
You can try to say no
And you can try to not like her
Or ignore her
But, it won’t work
She seems to know how
To get on people’s good side
Her words may confuse your mind
Into falling into a trance
She has been through a lot of hard times
More than anyone should
She’s strong as steel
Physically and mentally
But, only a few can tell
She’ll knock you on your butt
If you step down the wrong path

Friend In You
I took what I saw in you
And made it my strength
I made it my crutch and my rock
To hold me steady when it storms
And to help me move when needed
I took what I saw in you
And admired it
I wanted it to be in me too
I knew it couldn’t
For we had different pasts
And different paths to be on
But I made sure too help it
Grow into a mature beautiful young woman
So I would have a friend
To talk with, tell secrets to
And now, I want to be just like you
Strong, Brave, Hopeful
If only I could
Then maybe, life wouldn’t be so hard
But at least
I have my friend

Frong Will You Croak
I feel as though you would say if I kiss you, will you turn back into a frog and croak? When the boys follow you around like lost puppy dogs.
If you kissed them I’m afraid they might faint or squeal like little girls.
Is that what you would say? If they called your name and begged you to stay?
Would you walk away? They can’t help it, they want you in their sight.
Your beauty is overwhelming.
In reality who could blame them? I can’t think of anyone.
I hope you know what those whispers say.. maybe they’ll make you change..
Don’t let them tear you down
Be a mountain and them the wind
It’ll do nothing in the end
That you have to believe.

If
If you wanted
I would give you my last breath
I would drive across country
Just to give you a hug
I would do your homework
And make your bed
I would do anything to see you smile
Just because I think it’s pretty
And you deserve to smile
If you wanted
I would make you a feast
Buy you the world
And fix your car
I would do anything to make you happy
Find you true love
Be your maid of honor
And write you a book
No matter what
Me and I
Will always do anything
To see you smile

In The Begining
In the beginning you were a girl I just met
I saw you standing there
I didn’t know anyone
Scared to step inside the door
You looked at me and smiled
Just then I knew
You and me would last
As most best friends should
Time passed and we grew close
Eventually we made a promise
One I still keep
Aftermath of a hurricane -Dents in flesh
Blood stirring tempting to flow
We made a promise we still keep
Inked into my skin a memory
Thanks to you and me, that date we changed
We’re different than we used to be
In the beginning we were tigers earning our stripes
And now we hold tight hand in hand
We’ll fight till this war is over
And this inner fight finished
It used to be you and me against the world
Now it’s silence…. Something I used to know

Have I Ever Told You?...
Have I ever told you that you’re a good friend?
Because you are
Have I ever told you that you are the reason I smile?
Because you are
Have I ever told you that you’re crazy cool?
Because you are
You are the rock that holds me still during a storm
You are a hyper girl and I love that about you
You are funny and chill, that makes you even more awesome.
Have I ever told you that you are the sun pushing away the darkness?
Because you are
Have I ever told you I cherish your friendship?
Because I do
Have I ever told you I will catch you every time you fall?
Because I will
You are the keeper of my heart and you are my sister
You are someone I’ll be sure to keep around
You are someone I trust and can tell everything to
Have I ever told you I love you?
Because I do

Lunch Again
It’s lunch time again
As I sit outside the teacher’s door
I glance over and all I see is you…
Laughing with your friends
I watch as you fix your dress
Out of the corner of my eye
A glimmer of hope fills my heart
You finally look at me
As you stand to throw away your tray
Do you care?
Here I sit
Alone
Patiently
Getting more depressed by the minute
I wonder if you think of me
Or ask if we’re okay
But at the end of the day
I know
When I see you smile in my direction
That you were smiling at me
I know it hurts you, just as much as me
As we are
Friends

Laylin,The One Thing I Know For Sure

The one thing I know for sure is that I’m thankful
One thing I know is even in darkness you are there, beside me, helping me through
I’m sure that no matter what happens you will be okay
The one thing I know for sure is you make me happy

One Word Line
I
Take
Comfort
In
Knowing
You
Are
Around
Even
If
I
Can
Not
See
You
I
Know
Someone
Cares
And
That
Is
Enough

Rawr
I’m mad at you
For being someone I could fall for
And you don’t even know it
For being so perfect in my eyes
Even all the guys bow down at your feet
I’m jealous of you
For the attention you get
From the boys, the teachers, my friends

Secret Life
Try to keep on
Dreaming that world
Inside your pretty little head
Sway to the sounds
Of music in your ears
Let the land roll by
While you sit still
Don’t give up
Keep faith now
Only thing needed
Key to life
Happiness
Close your eyes
Here it comes
Imagination gone wild
A secret life
Inside your head
Keeps you sane

She is My Best Friend
She is the teddy bear lying beside me
She is the date I have on my skin
She is summer time, spring days
She is the sun shining bright
She is the music for my heart
The doggy I miss when she’s not around or the kitten I cuddle with on weekends
My friend I adventure life with and the girl I share my secrets with
She is the name I cherish and book I keep rereading over again
She is the one I’ll never regret hanging with
The girl who knows my story like it were her own
She is the story I could tell in my sleep
She is my happy, my smile, and my strength
My sister from another family
This girl is the reason I laugh off all the pain
This girl is one unique chick
She is this girl that I know has changed my life for good
She is my best friend

Shh...
Just so you don’t think I’m crazy
I’m going to tell you a secret
…ready?
I’m falling for this guy.,.
He’s sweet and kind and cute
He reminds me of you
Except you’re a girl and he’s a guy
People tell me all the time
That I’m not bi
It’s just a phase
But I feel it
Deep inside, It’s not
Thank you for accepting that
For accepting me
For not turning away when you found out
Or for when I told you my secrets
Deep dark secrets I was scared to tell
Thank you Laylin
For being the girl you are today
Don’t ever change
You are better than you were in the past
And you are just going up
Like a balloon.





I’m Proud

Thank You
Thank you my friend for understanding
Thank you my friend for being there beside me
Thank you my friend for making me laugh
Thank you for keeping our secrets between us
Thank you for helping me and my family
Thank you for accepting me as I am
Thank you for trying hard with everything you do
Thank you for being you
Thank you for naturally being silly
Thank you for saving my life
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for being my friend
Thank you for being a good person
Thank you for holding me while I cried
Thank you my friend for the best summer of my life
Thank you my friend for staying strong
Thank you my friend for making that promise
Thank you for the electric current of energy in my veins
Thank you for being the cure to my depression
Thank you for giving me something to live for

Thinking of You
Thinking of you
While sitting in class
I feel something I haven’t in a long time
A quickened pace of heartbeat
A grin creeping up
The spark
Finally appearing in my eyes
Butterflies fluttering within my stomach
Something like that gives me hope
Even into the night
When evil sneaks into my mind
I run away and into your arms
We swim and we laugh
We sing and we dance
Until the sun comes shining up again
Music spins, twirls, around our mind
In the wide open chilly air
Tired we fall
Into bed once again
As the others are just getting up

To You
To you i give my trust
for earning and not decieving
To you i call my friend
for being there until the end
To you i hope the best
in future and present past
for you deserve the best
To you my prayers go
on the off chance i believe
your strength grows heavily
your strength grows like weeds
i beg of thee let her power run free
To you i give this poem
i hopes to begin a smile
upon that alluring face
To you i hold the memory
of every passing glance
under sterdy lock and key
For you i'll stand by
through every crack and dent

Laughing away time

Always staying strong

You show us that you are

Lovely, loveable and loving

It is displayed every day that you

Never give up

Views of You
I’ve always wondered why
It is not a sin
To be as beautiful and as smart as you
It expands my thoughts on life
As I get a glimpse of your power
Oh how I wish
They would look at me
As they do you
Those boys they stare
As if you wear
Nothing but a smile
When in fact you do wear
More than most girls do
You respect yourself and elders
If only everyone
Was as pretty as you
Inside and out
Your personality is brighter than the sun
I’m sure that is a fact
Even if on some days
It’s as cloudy as storm
One thing is for sure
If I knew you back then, I would be a different girl

Views of You Two
First the boys and now the girls
I’ll share something I’ve seen
Those gossiping females
You pass in the hall
All stop when you walk by
Their eyes turn red with jealousy
Because their boys watch your ass
The girls whisper about your clothes
Wishing they knew where to get them
And about how often you lose weight
All the time you say again and again
I feel fat
But your so tiny and thin
I feel you might disappear if you eat any less
So run those miles
Do a million push ups
Just don’t forget desert
When you lay down for bed
Cause all those girls just wish
They could look like you
I wish I could have half the willpower you do
So I could get off the couch

Laylin, The Girl Who Lived, Lives, and Will Live
The girl who used to self-harm made a promise with her friend
The girl who does more in one day than that friend does in a year
The girl who fights through her bad days
The girl who gives people hope
The girl who “borrows” the mutual friend’s hat for a semester
The girl who has family issues
The girl who has the guys whipped
The girl who is not afraid to do cartwheels naked in the middle of the night
The girl who isn’t afraid to spend time with guys
The girl who helps her friend through a lot
The girl who tries hard and successes
The girl who pushes through the pain
The girl who gets hurt too much
The girl afraid to love
The girl does crazy stuff over the summer
The girl who still has time to spend the night
The girl who loves chocolate and coffee
The girl who will one day reach the stars
The girl who her friend admires
The girl who almost died multiple times
The girl who beat the odds
The girl who is a future Marine
The girl who is perfect in every single way



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