Tortured Soul
Two hearts so in love
Perfect for the Martyrs glove
Your innocence I have stripped you of
Actions of a misguided soul
How they take their toll
For we used to kiss upon a grassy knoll
Now your tears splash upon this scroll
There is no atonement for my actions
They all say I am just a fraction
Only you know this truth to be known
It is only your heart I have found so fond
Of such a monster who’s soul be rougher than a frond
Only thy soul could save my own destruction
Though it was through my corruption
That finds relief in my self-mutilation
Bind my hands for they shall bleed
Making it easier for demons to feed
Bind my feet for in a flash
I shall be lashed
Split my flesh, hear me scream
For the heaven’s believe my soul should be reamed
A day of judgment lay ahead
I feel as though tears will be shed
For when my future is read
Best believe my soul will be dead

A dream
When I dream, it is always of you. Good or bad, you dominate my sleep as well as conscious the pain you feel I can see in my dreams. I can see the tears staining your cheeks when you were told what happened to me. I see your tears that get soaked by your pillow. I can taste your sorrow on my lips. I dream of being next to you once more, yet again feeling the warmth of your embrace and knowing the sweetness of your kiss. I feel more at home when I sleep for when I dream of you things seem normal; it is when I wake that the nightmare begins. When it seems like it is real it makes it that much more terrifying. Do you remember our first kiss? New years, the wind so cold swirling around us seeming to push us together. As short as that kiss was at the fireplace I knew, I was yours forever. Hell, I knew in high school that we would be together but that night…Something about that night showed me you were the one. I wanted to spend eternity with you, and to this day, I swear it to still be true. I labeled this “A dream” because I wanted to show you how my mind works and to show what my euphonious makes me think of. Recently when I close my eyes I am instantly there with you kissing, hugging, laughing, crying… living by your side preparing for our future together. When I dream it is always of you but also recently it has been of our family… I see you and my son and I get a feeling that everything will be okay because I know I have something to fight for, I have something greater than myself. I do not mean to upset you by telling you all the things I still feel, I cannot help it. Whenever I get a thought in my head while I got a pencil in my hand I write it down, thought by thought, which is why it is sometimes hard to keep track of what I say. I can understand why you said it is hard to talk to me, specially cause of what I talk about. I hate to say it but I am probably not going to stop unless I can stop feeling the way I do. So I also understand if you want me to stop writing for this reason. It has been a while since your last letter; I hope you are not forgetting me that easy. I have been working on something I hope you like. It is a poem for you:

There is no such thing as a perfect person… But, there is such a thing as a person perfect for you. And you are that person for me. Everything about you … from the color of your hair, the shape of your nose to the sound of your laugh. Absolutely everything that makes you the marvelously unique individual you are is something I accept, appreciate, admire and adore…

So no matter what you might think is less than perfect about yourself, it really does not matter because you are perfect for me. I would not change one single thing… I love you just the way you are. I need something to believe in since I can no longer believe in us. It is no offence to you but since I cannot have you, I can no longer believe in us. I do not know why I sit here torturing myself professing a love that is plainly obvious I cannot have. It’s also wrong of me to play hell with your heart like I have been by telling you what I feel, knowing you want nothing more than to just move on. I am sorry for the pain I have caused you. I feel sad tonight. I look around at my surroundings and wonder what the f*** I am doing here. It is all sinking in that this could be my new home for the next ten years. Day in day out, things will never change, doing the same thing every day until I am a mindless robot with a broken heart. I wish I could fall asleep and wake up in your arms, a free man. I sit here on a cold concrete floor wearing orange when I could be sitting beside you holding you tight. But I had to f*** up and cheat. E.W so true. How could I have been so stupid? Why couldn’t I have just been content with what I had? Now I have nothing and no one. So this is what alone feels like… I guess I should learn to like it.

I miss that girl

I feel like writing about that girl who drives me crazy. That girl can make me weak in the knees when she bounces around the house wearing nothing but a tank top and booty shorts.

That girl who turns me on like no other when she laces up them heels and puts on that skirt. That girl who can make love like no girl I’ve ever known, I mean six hours come on that girl’s a freak. That girl, who loves like no other, can show her heart with everything she does, I was fortunate enough to see how she loves me… I don’t think I could compare anything to it. I miss that girl’s love. I miss that girl who would snuggle her nose close to my neck when we would lie together. I miss that girl who would rather use my shirt as a pillow case rather than an actual pillow case, hell I miss that girl who looks better in my clothes then I do. I miss that girl who whoops her brother’s ass. I miss that girl who goes nuts when she sees something she wants. I miss that girl’s pouty looks that says pretty please, which I could never resist. I miss that girl who foolishly stood her ground in front of my anger yet for some reason it calmed me down. I miss that girl who puts tears in my eyes everyday I’m not with her. I miss that girl I hurt with my actions if I could only hold and kiss that girl one last time. God help me… I miss that girl

I thought
I thought you loved me
I thought you cared
I thought we would be together
I thought you changed
I thought…that’s just it…I thought
I thought I was right
…I guess not


I’m the one
I’m the one who thought we could make it
I’m the one who loved you from the beginning
I’m the one who gave you all I had
I’m the one who is now sad
I’m the one you left all alone
I’m the one who wishes you were here
I’m the one who cries a billion tears
I’m the one who hates not seeing you
I’m the one who doesn’t mind anything you do
I’m the one who misses you like crazy
I’m the one…
I’m the one…
I’m the one…
Who still loves you

You move me like a Bullet in a Gun
You move me like a bullet in a gun
You move me like the earth and the sun
You move me like a runner on a track
You move me like water on my back
You move me like a swimmer in a pool
You move me like you did in school
You move me like a pool of tears
Now all have to do is wait five years…

Dear Heart
Dear Heart,
Why do you have to keep getting in the way, why can’t you let me make the decisions? But no, you have to be so confusing. My head tells me to move on and that he’s bad for me. But why are you making me hold on to him, is something going to happen? Are you going to bring him back to me? I love him, yes, but do you think we will be together…Forever… I’m not sure. I think you do, so just do what you want and make my life good.







Love,









Me

Prince Charming
Why have I cried?
Why have I tried?
I now realize you’re not worth my time
So now I’ll just wait
But not for you
For someday I will get a loving prince
Who will be true
That day might not be today
But I’ll take my time to cover up the wound
And let the next guy not be so harming
For one day I will find my prince charming

Carpe Diem
Seize the moment
‘Fore I want you to be mine forever
In your arms, in your grasp
I don’t ever want to let go
So here I stand
Taking the chance
Of losing your love forever
I cannot go through one more world
Not knowing if your love is true

US 3
Our love was so strong, so real
What we had was special
No one could feel the same
You called me beautiful and honey bee
But what’d you do but leave me
So now I miss your love
And your hugs and kisses too
How come you had to go?
And leave me all alone
Yes I still love you and miss you as well
Love is blind
You never know who you will fall for
You could fall for a stranger or fall for a good friend
Only your heart knows what it wants
Only the stars know what the future will bring
He may like you back, but if not be ready
Time will only tell
Time will only allow him to see
To see that he belongs to you
The moon will keep all your wishes
Making them come true when the time is right
I’ve been waiting, just waiting
For you to make up your mind
Now that you have chosen I don’t know what to think
But I just have to leave it all behind
I think it’s time for me to move on
Maybe we will be together soon
But for me I will take a break
A break from it all
There is no more time to waste
The toughest parts have already been faced.

The lie
I didn’t want to know what I said, so I just kept going.
I never told you why instead I said nothing I just cried.
I didn’t tell you about the lie instead you found out from them.
I didn’t mean to hurt you yet you deserved it by making me the lie.
I didn’t want to believe that I let that be spread. I didn’t believe it one book destroyed our lives. I didn’t tell you why I don’t read anymore instead I said I’m not aloud. It’s only a white lie instead of saying by me I said you. I didn’t want to know how bad I hurt you instead I tried to leave. I never told you why she hates me instead I said she wants me dead when really she’s not the only one. I never told you I wanted to start reading again instead I told you it got too boring, but in reality it was the only thing that saved me. I never told you… the lie.

You and me
Look back and their stuck together, mushed together as if there were invisible forces pushing them towards each other. It’s silly really, they aren’t that old. She’s still in high school and he’s been out. But when they’re together you can’t tell their age. He’s two and she is twenty they act that way when they are together. But yet still they can’t be together like she wishes they would be. Does he love her? She will never know but he knows she loves him, even if he did cheat she can’t be without him, he’ll never be turned away. They are together but not by those two rings.

Heart
Broken hearted people from around the world all know how it feels to be alone. Test after test, guess after guess they still cannot find the one who wants to stay. Need a hug, need a friend. Nevertheless, when those hearts find their other half, it changes their lives forever. For better or worse their stuck together no matter what.

Us
There used to be an us
Oh how lovely that time was
So sweet so delicate
How there used to be an us
Summer time flying’ by
Feelings that would never end
But at last that all has changed
Now we are none at last
If I shall set eyes on you again
I do not know of what will come
The shadows of our memories
Waiting for me to come
Whispers of true belonging
Being whisked away from you
Under the apple tree
I gave my heart away
Since that day, I have never been the same
Like paw prints in concrete
Your love made an everlasting mark
To stay and love is what is in my thoughts

Miss about you
Smile, laugh, your shaky breath. I miss your spirit, your golden feel. Touch of your skin, look in your eyes, thoughts of you make my shattered heart heal. Knowing you, seeing you all brings shine to my eyes. Whisper of your voice entering my head, How I once thought of you as a friend, a brother of sorts but now not as much now your different, like a lover or crush a secret of mine I’ll never give away. Never let me down or broken my heart. Sometimes I wonder if he was a sign, a road to lead me to you. Your stories, your funny jokes all part of your perfect personality. I wonder if we are meant to be. Was he the one for me? Are you? I guess I will never know…I can only hope

No more us
Cause we met
We fell in love
Because we fell in love, I trusted you
Because I trusted you, we did everything together
Because we did everything together, we got very close
Because we got very close, you knew everything about me
Because you knew everything about me I didn’t think you’d hurt me
Cause I didn’t think you’d hurt me it came as a surprise when you did
Because it came as a surprise it hurt worse
Because it hurt worse you’re now dead to me
Cause it hurt worse
Cause it came as a surprise
Cause I didn’t think you’d hurt me
Cause you knew everything about me
Cause we got very close
Cause I trusted you
Cause we fell in love
Cause we met

Apple Tree
Your love came to me like an apple falling from a tree
High up on a branch where your love used to grow
You came to me, eyes wide open
You showed me what love could be
You meant everything to me
Until the day, I walked away because the pain swayed
Across my head, I couldn’t take what you gave away
My heart used to grow with your love
Now it’s fallen out of the tree
Forever lost on the cold dark ground

Nightly walks
Chocolate trees so tall and old shed your bark so smooth, so bold. Let it sway gently down to the ground berries so round an dark lay softly near your feel as critters come to eat I sit and watch them oh how sweet. Cross my heart a hope to die, I promise you I do not lie. I shall not, will not tell your life. To all the people not so wise, do not cross me or you shall die. I keep yours so you keep mine. If I promise to be kind can I listen to your secrets? You know me and I know you it’s not as if we live in the wild I assure you I’m no child. I shall walk through the bitter dark wishing for a full moon night. I hope that I will need no shining knight. I will sing this little tone to make sure I get home soon.
Deadly creatures of the night lurking deep out of sight. Do not eat me, do not fright me, I shall only speak so lightly. As I pass while you sleep I beg of you do not eat me. I promise not to awake you even so slightly; deadly creatures do not fright me.

Free
Freedom is a gift
Key to success
Life’s greatest pleasure
That not everyone gets

Friends
Well that is all of them, I finally lost every last friend I ever thought I had. Why you may ask? The answer is simple. I am a hypocrite, I am deceitful they all say but I do admit it that I am. I live in the city where many people are liars it’s not often to find someone truthful. Close your eyes and listen carefully you can hear tweedy bird starting his show with
‘I thought I saw a putty cat” and hear the kids laugh. I admit it I do the opposite of what I say to do. I say do not use the telephone just to turn around and use it. I tell my sister not to eat the cookies and I sneak around munching on cookies. That is just what I do I lie. That is how I lost every friend I thought I had.

Mystery girl
I did not know who she was until the day she pulled me aside not knowing what to say I stood there in shock. I thought something and apparently, I was wrong. For some reason I thought I was alone.

Misguided
Pain in my eyes be free
I cannot hold you tight any longer
Those painful memories
Now fading in to the distance
All thanks to him
I could not breathe
But thanks to me
I can now see what is going on around me
The love I miss
The time that passes
All the things
I held dear
Guided away
All thanks to those tears
I used to shed

Again
We will be together another day another time. Again we will be together. I can only hope this time it will last forever.

Obsessive Compulsive
I count my steps to every class I count the tiles and the amount of cuts, scars and splatters. A fake smile placed on my face every day when people come around. I bleed everyday every chance I get. Using anything I can find. I count the drops of blood that hit the floor, the ones that could be spilled the ones that get soaked up. They’ll never know and they wouldn’t believe me. All because of you I can’t be without your love. I wanted to be without before you hurt me, practically killed me. I can’t take it anymore. My heart can’t work, my lungs can’t stop crying. So instead of living my miserable life I’ll end it tonight, I’m sure the troubles of living without you it’s myself it’s a one shot deal. Like you said till death do us part.

Thank you
Thank you my sister for all the time you spent with me
Thank you sister for saving my life and showing me you truly care
Thank you my sister for keeping hold of those secrets I shared
Thank you sister for being there through it all
Thank you sister for being my sister even though you aren’t at all.

Told you
Have I told you you’re my sister, because you are
Have I ever told you I love you, because I do
Have I ever told you; you saved my life, because you did
Have I ever told you you’re my best friend, because you are
Have I ever told you I think you’re awesome, because I do
Have I ever told you; you helped me? Because you did

Sister
You didn’t break me, you only tested my strength
You proved to me I can hold on
That the pain will subside and go away
That your love is worth it
And no matter what, I have my sister to be there
You didn’t break me you only tested my strength
But because of that I don’t trust you anymore
So instead I hold close to me my dear sister because she held me when you left

Go
Lies
I have said
things I have done
be gone
now
you’ve had your fun

His love
I met him after my parents died. He first came to me in a dream warning me that one day I’ll realize that he was the only one who loves me and I only love him. But soon after I realized he was right… He did love me, way too much. In the morning I walked to school as always and he my only company followed behind me. He spoke to himself quietly whispering “one paw in front of the other” because of his anxiety issues. When I got to school as always he jumped into my book bag and sat with only his little white ears showing. Eight hours later he was back to following me home. Since I am sixteen I live by myself. By the time I was done with my homework it was dark out. And one of my friends was outside knocking on the window. I smiled and waved him in. As he walked in I heard Alex the small overprotective white car start to hiss. I watched as his fur stood up on his back and he attacked Daniel. Alex got very protective especially around my friends. He hated Daniel with a passion, him smiling at me with that crooked smile of his; I guess that was the last straw.

Decisions
Trying to decide what to think, what to say, what to feel. I turned my back on your pleads. Now I leave breeze in my face, pain at my side and you at my back. Yeah that is not what is supposed to be. Decided on everything think, say, feel. Yeah I know now what to say what I say you may ask it is just one word, one that hurts the most. Goodbye.

Beginning
In the beginnings we were so in love we laughed, we cried, did everything in-between. Then one day it all went south hate filled your eyes and blood curdled in my veins at the very thought of what we had. I loved you, then you did that. You left me sitting here with my tears in my eyes and hate in my heart.

You Move Me Like the Feel of Jean Shorts In the Sunshine.
You move me like the feel of jean shorts in the sunshine
You move me like the smile i get when you hold me tight
The feeling i get standing in the rain watching you walk away
The tears that formed at night laying in bed kissing goodbye
You move me like the memories that wash over me, looking at that ring
The look in your eyes when it feels just right
The cracking of your voice when we're far away, missing you like snow on Christmas night.
You move me like the time we both cried, sitting there on a log around midnight. Cold in the fall talking out a fight.
You move me like laughing at the world about anything not a care in the world but you and me.
Riding shotgun in your car listening to country telling our lives one story at a time. Waiting, wasting gas for that time to come around to say goodnight.
That time we spent hiding out under the stars talking about the future that comes creeping away from the fire pit just to take a walk down memory lane.
You move me like reading those books letting life slip away
You move me like knowing not which road to turn, both seeming wrong
You move me like spending time with mom all day keeping sane
You move me like drifting off on the bus head phones on, long car ride turns into another world saving kids and flying cars
You move me like sitting here writing down all these things. Wanting to cry remembering him
They fight again so help us god, one drives off, stop the tears, long nights ahead pretend to bond
Random day their all gone, sent away for good
You move me like feeling bad, wanting to sleep, go to school come home late find out your fake friend broke in and scared them
Lights go out time to play fire stove and monopoly, blanket, bed on the floor everyone smiles as they fall asleep
You move me like finding out he is sick and it's a deadly thing. Will he live will he die noone knows for sure
You move me like that one day everything crashed down so fast you left me in the cracks
You move me like finding my dream, it becoming reality
You move me like that trip we took 2am to camp outside storm hits starts to flood
You move me like 11pm drive to New Jersey for Fun Land heading back around 3am exhausted and happy with the family
Fourth of July fireworks sitting on the beach with you. Best friends and lots of hugs makes hospital ones oh so worse
Love, hate it's all the same they know me now same as then
You move me like the tickle of your touch on my skin making me giggle at your laugh
You move me like fire burning strong in the pit warming my toes and dancing like rain
You move me like that sunshine after a storm hits. Foggy and sunny a rainbow awakes
You move me like watching the deer drink from the creek
You move me like dancing in the car music blaring driving down the road at 1am
You move me like the scared i get when the storm shakes me awake
The nightmares i get every night leaving me crying silently in the dark looking out at the moon wondering who is looking too
The witches laugh the lady has that scares those kids away from her house
You move me like the day he left shipping out across the seas to a land foreign to me
The feel of butterflies while holding her hand down the hall strange looks make you laugh
You move me like movie night watching funny moviess acting like everything is alright
You move me like the innocent smiles of small kids eating ice cream
You move me like all those times i've spent hanging out with my friends them not knowing how much it means to me
You move me like finding out how much you and someone you've never spoken to have in common, becoming friends
You move me like the feel of waking up in the morning the bed feeling so comfy
Like the flow of pen on paper giving way to a new creation
You move me like the crazy in my head filling up my life
You move me like knowing you, my best friend, are my biggest weakness
You move me like the excitement of field trips with my friends
The feeling of disappointment of your aunt telling you to keep your sexuality a secret from the family
You move me like my insane friend and crazy friend helping me through all those stupid problems i caused myself.

Abduction
Parents screaming
Where are you?
MIA is all I have to say
Play the game
Ride the ride
Cause when you get back
There won’t be any fun
Run run run fast as you can
Before that crazy clown catches you again

Flow
Goes where ever the wind takes her. Always an optimistic seeing the good in everyone. Pleasure, loves to please and be pleased. She likes the color red like the red hearts floating around her on the blank pages. She wears skimpy clothes that barely cover her and she freezes in the winter that’s what I must say she loves the summer. Never alone she loves the people but always smiling when she can relax. Blonde hair flying in the breeze bright white teeth and colored nails looking like the rainbow. It is funny how she has so many choices but is always alone. No need for a husband since she barely has time to herself.

In My Past Life
In my past life i was a bird. Blue, flying high above the tree tops, soaring to wherever the wind blew. I was a man, working hard to take care of his family, loving his wife and child with his full heart. In my past life i was the darkness creeping up on unknowing people, swallowing them whole into the everlasting, unforgiving pit of depression. In my past life i was a road, one of the many paths not chosen often. You come to a crossway, which do you choose? The one worn down by everyday travelers or the one less traveled, more unique, for the more curious type. I was a book, old, torn pages with spinal issues, rarely checked out, not displayed with the others. One of a kind, my author a unique one with a lonely soul. A wolf out for blood from a hiding prey, lurking in the woods searching for life. In my past life i was a child, always outgoing and crazy, coloring on walls with permanent markers that were found hidden in the top shelf above the box where tiny people played. In my past life i was two women sharing the same body, same brain, but completely different thoughts being bottled up into one individual as if it were two. In my past life i was a lot of things, from animals, to objects, to people of different sorts. But today and always i will forever be me...

Imagine
When I turned around to see what had made the leaves crackle, I saw a wolf. But not just a regular old grey wolf, this one had wings. Large white and grey wings. One second he’s there the next he is not it was as if he had turned invisible. I watched as leaves crunched under nothing but air, as the steps came closer to me I felt the warm air blowing against my waist. I sat down and he became visible again. I started to whisper to him then he laid his head on my lap. I petted him across the length of his furry back. I smiled then stood up; he flew slowly as I walked beside him. We went back to my small cottage and I scrounged up some food for him afterward he followed me around and that night I went to lie in bed and feel asleep with him at the foot of my bed.

Held
I’m hurting so bad I just want to be held. I don’t care by whom; I just want to be held even by you. So I can cry with someone’s arms surrounding keeping me safe from other’s thoughts. Please anyone, someone, tell me if you care please… I need to be held

_____ . . .
_____ I just have to say one more thing before I loss you forever.
______ I still love you
_____ miss you
And _____ I still care
But my heart can’t take one more break before it completely tares my tears keep on falling but my love keeps on going
_____ I gave you my heart, my all, my everything, it hurt so bad when you got taken away leaving me alone with my tear covered bed. It took till now to figure out what love really means
_____ all I have to say is
_____ I miss you
_____ I care
And ______ I love you

Red
Such a big difference between those emotions but their color is one on the same. Most people believe each emotion had its own color. But mine are all the same. Pain and tears, love and pleasure they all come together when I see their color. Blood or pink it’s still the same. Red is just a color but it describes them all the same.

Knight
You are my true love
Being here with me tonight
Reading books with me
You have my heart now
Staying here with me all night
My angel is you

Breaking
I’m trying to decide weither or not to forgive you. I mean yeah it was bad but I love you just the same either way it still is not right. I talk the talk but evidently you walk the walk. I know not what it is I am supposed to do, I understand what it is I need to do but that is something that I cannot do. What we shared was something special, something unique why did you have to break it and tear me apart?

Trouble

I am still having trouble understanding what the problem is with me. I try and try again but I never get anywhere but here. So now I have decided just to give up on it all. Why not just let me go?
I know you can’t let me go, I hear you say it all the time but why not try, for once in your life try. Try to be happy, try to forget me. I’ll be happy if you just pretended to move on and let me go on thinking you moved on. Then only then will I be happy. I want to move on, to date, and to breathe in fresh air and smile. But no, all I can think about is you. I keep on feeling guilty about it, even though I know it wasn’t my fault. How can I be sure?

Seeing Stars
Wishing now would be completely useless at this point. There’s no chance of my problems getting fixed no matter whether or not I wish on a star or a plane. My life will still be the same as it is now. I cannot give up the love I hold dear it is the reason I am still here. So do me a favor and tell me the truth do you still care like I do? Whispers around me making me nuts telling me how much you really mean to me. I miss you, I love you all things I could be saying but instead I’ll sat this… I won’t forget you.

Carpe Diem
Seize the moment that you forever wanted. Before the chance gets up and walks away, your strength will show if you shall go, while keeping your head up high facing the pain that may come your way. Take the chance of hurt or fame you’ll never know if it will show it’s self again

Hurting Me Worse
I hate you with all my heart
You steal my stuff
You make me cry
You say you love me
When you hold me tight
However, little do you know
I hate your hugs
Your painful stares
I wish you dead
Not in my head
I know you smoke
I see your eyes
Do me a favor
And say good-bye
Do me a favor
… And die

Let go
How painful it is to watch you move on
To find someone else, to not love me any more
I miss you; I love you I miss how you used to say those to me
Kiss me, hug me
Don’t let go, keep me close hold me tight
Nevertheless, please don’t let go

I thought
I thought I saw a hint of smile cross your face
I thought I saw a hint of love in your eyes
I thought I felt your warm touch on my skin
I thought I smelt your cologne pass by my nose while you were not here
I thought I heard your voice in my head
I thought I was dreaming when I saw you there
I thought I was crazy when I heard them say
I thought I died when you went away
I thought you loved me when you said you did
I thought you knew about me when you spoke riddles in my head

Believed You
With all your reasons, with all your lies
I believed you and then I cried
Your love for me I think has died
With arms surrounding and kisses so sweet
With my love for you I never sleep
I have spent all my time wondering why
Why did you leave me hurting so bad?
Pain seeping through to my tear covered bed

Because of you
I am the one who answered the telephone that night
I am the one who heard you die
I am the one who cried for hours
I am the one who he saved for last
I am the one who did not die
I am the one who was haunted for life
I am the one who is scared of men
I am the one who has flashbacks
I am the one who moved away
I am the one who would change places with you…
********************************************
I am the one who cried at night
I am the one who snuck out on to the roof
I am the one who has flashbacks of that night
I am the one who fakes a smile
I am the one who lives in two worlds
I am the one who has a scar
I am the one who wants to die
I am the one who took care of them
I am the one who wishes for death on stars
I am the one who you killed inside…
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I am the one who loved you
I am the one who you were engaged too
I am the one who you saved
I am the one who kissed you in the rain
I am the one who misses you at night
I am the one who kept you out of trouble
I am the one who you said you loved
I am the one who trusted you
I am the one who always had you on her mind
I am the one who you cheated on

Secret crush
No one knows about my wish
My secret us to be
Seeking hopes, liking looks
You could be mine
If you wished to be
Secret us, you and me
All the time my thoughts
Fade away leading myself
To think of you and home
I wished… you would be mine

Dear Heart
Dear heart,
Why do you still ache for his love? Why don’t you hate him instead? Could you please stop making me feel guilty for something I did not do?







Love, the stomach full of










butterflies
P.S. Will you stop breaking so much?
It’s getting hard to swallow so much pain.

Loving you
Loving you is like burning your skin so good but isn’t right
Only you are able to make me feel like you do
Very special, you are very special to me
Everything that you do makes me more in love with you
In every life I have you are the one for me
Never going to let you go no matter what
Being pulled apart but I still love you the same. You are my world my life my hero. One person for me and that is you
Usually I don’t care about people but I care about you
Definitions
You= my fiancé, my life, my hero, my everything
Me= a broken hearted girl
Us= what there used to be
Heart= what I gave to you
Love= what you gave to me
Hurt= what you did to me

Channels
The switch of T.V channels reminds me of my emotions. Always changing going to something new. Ever had the feeling of sheer boredom, but be doing exactly what it is you want to do? I just do not get how that happens.

Butter
The burn rips through my skin like a butter knife going through melted butter. You can do it repeatedly but you just cannot make it stay apart.

Lover, Lover
A kiss from a god
On the lips of a lover
The taste of smoke
On his rosy lips
The beat of her heart
Against his bare chest

Make it together
Oh how I miss that warm touch that melted my heart. I don’t care what they say I will be your again someday. I do not care how long I have to wait. They say death to us; our eternal love was to strong. So forever grateful it was. When you said your love would never fade. They did it to me to try and pull us apart. So now I know, you melted my heart.

Never told you
I never told you I wanted to die instead I told a lie. I didn’t want to believe what you told me even though I knew it was true. I didn’t tell you about my secret. You found out on your own, I never told you what he did instead I said I don’t know. I didn’t want to know why I hate you if I did I’d wish I didn’t know. You never told me what really happened instead I never asked. I never told you about that fight instead I pretended not to know. I didn’t want to believe I did it after he told the truth. I didn’t want to believe that he killed me instead I am still here. He didn’t tell me I said it instead he let me keep going. I never told you the truth so instead I’m still rotting in this hole. I didn’t want to know so I said I don’t know, when I reality I’m the only one who does.

Three
I was hurt, self hurt, painlessly hurt
It was belated, wasn’t able to be saved, Too many times tried
Every day, didn’t stay,
Faded away
More time, so stiff, Yet still
Faded away,
One scar, not enough
Faded away
Will this change
Will be different
Will scar

Apart
I’m trying to decide wither or not to forgive you for what you did. I mean yeah it was bad but I love you. And yeah I love you but I don’t know that it’s enough. I talk to people I don’t’ usually. Girls I barely know giving me advice. I know what it is I’m supposed to do; I understand what needs to be done. But our love, what we shared was something special, something unique. Why did you have to break it and tear me apart?

Edge
The edge isn’t an edge but a new beginning. Beginning to a fight which might feel like you’re flying a kite. You may get inpatient but it’ll be worth it. If only you could hold on and ignore it. Your eyes may fill with tears if you can peer at all the prizes. The edge isn’t an edge is closest, but if you fly your kite next to it, e sure you don’t fall off it.

It
What is it like girls whisper in my ears. Honestly I wouldn’t’ know. Getting through me isn’t’ easy. I always wondered why you didn’t. Then I realized something, what if my stories are true? What I someone really did and I don’t’ remember? It explains it but how? When? Could that by why I can’t remember anything? Did I misinterpret my fear for hope? Is that why it haunts me in my dreams? Is that why it hurts to think back to my memory, my first memory of me like that? Do I have a reason to be like this? Am I ill? Is that why? Has all this, all these years been because of that? Let me shorten that for you… Am I dead or am I still burning?

Seen through a window
Oh how she ached to be free. Looking out that window felt like trying to unlock a door with the wrong key, it just wouldn’t budge. She’d been locked up there for centuries, seeing the horses run wild across the grass covered hills, wishing she could be on the back of the leading horse. She was sure it would be a prize winner if only it would be tamed. Karmin just felt so alone, so crazed to get out. She needed to find a way. If only that window was unlocked, with its frame so bold and shut but its view so open. She could see the wind freely blowing from side to side against the trees, helping to keep the tiny and young ravens on their flight. Soon she found herself caught up in her world outside the window. It was so close but so far away at the same time. Being a princess wasn’t all it was cracked up to be she thought. Being locked in a tower for life with only a window as a connection to the outside world. You’d be amazed how long and hard she had studied the horses roaming and the trees swaying. Her only entertainment being when a thunderstorm hit. It giving her a light show in the sky. She’d never felt the drops of rain on her pale skin, or the sun on her face. Even now all she could do was watch. That was the worst part of it all. That window, its shape and class, it was so unique. Of course it was made of wood but she’d never seen anything like it before. Maybe a cinnamon brown with a speck of a pale tan look mixed in. The glass so lucid and transparent. She wondered how it was made. The bars behind the glass interested her even more. Steel bars guarding her, but killing her all at ones. How she’d love to be able to tear them down and open the window letting in fresh air that didn’t come through a vent. That window was her only means of escape, it was her salvation. Her only hope of getting free. It gave her strength and hope. She would get out but until that day she’d continue to sit on the uncomfortable chair by the window and watch as the years went by. Praying, that one day her knight and shining armor will ride over that hill and save her from the place of unforgiving fate of pain. She had her own little would keeping her alive, one day at a time.

Invisible?

Can you her me? Do you see me? I am here, keep me, save me, and please don’t hate me. I can’t control all those words that roll oh roll how they roll off my tongue. Sending me down to the edge and back. A tear drops down, so silly, so sad. I can’t turn around, they just push me down. Down, down I fall, off into the pit of darkness. Then I am gone. Back sitting in class, I am me, me is here. I am, invisible.

Sorry or not
Some day you’ll realize why, one day you’ll know I wasn’t lying. When I die young you’ll be sorry you didn’t try to understand. When you’re left alone, yeah you’ll be sorry

Fire
Feel the burn of fire on your skin, feel the calm flowing of a river flushing down your cheek. Feel all the pain you gave to me and how it feels to have hope taken away as quick as can be. Feel what you did to me. Yes I mean you. This time… it wasn’t him

Fake brother
So sane and relaxing
Distant and fulfilling
Giving hope and stories
Saving us from each other
Not realizing, he is why we are here

I miss that boy
I feel like writing about that boy who drives me crazy. That boy puts butterflies in my stomach when he catches me when I fall. The look in his eyes when I go around in my tank top and booty shorts. That boy who turns me on when he puts his hands on me. That boy who loves like no other I’ve ever known, who shows his true feelings and his heart on his sleeve. I was fortunate enough to see how he loves me… Just like I do him. I miss that boy’s love. I miss the boy who wrapped his arms around me when he slept beside me. The boy who gave me his shirt when he knew I wouldn’t wear it but is it as a pillow case. I miss the boy who laughed when I told him about my fights with my brother. I miss the boy who got me things even though I told him no thanks. I miss the guy that did things only because of my puppy dog eyes. I miss the boy whose anger I stood in front of because I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. I miss the boy who I shed tears over because he’s not here. If I could be held by him one last time… god help me… I miss that boy

Why me?
Why me? Why’d you have to go and hurt me like that? I miss you so much it hurts/ I loved you! I still do. It hurts so bad knowing you made such a bad mistake and had to leave me here all alone. I miss your hugs, your kisses your goofy laugh. I could go on about everything I miss about you but the bottom line is I miss you, everything about you. I don’t’ know wither to believe you when you say you’re right, but something in my gut says you are, and I just have to go on believing that my gut is right.

Lone wolf
Red blood dripping down, blinding the lone wolf. Sounds of hounds chasing behind, he cannot stop now, trying to hop rock to rock across the river bed. Poor wolf blind as a bad please make it home safe. “
AHHH!”
He wakes up. Boy sitting in a rocket ship bed. Stares at the sky wondering why that wolf was in his head. He then falls asleep clucking his stuffed animal in his hand.

Black Crow
Black crow sitting alone waiting for the night to come. On a roof coving a barn but just till the moon shines bright. Then he’ll be off roaming the dark, until the television turns on again.

Fake feelings
Finally I’m untied from you. I just couldn’t’ take it anymore. I mean I could have but what would have been the point? Living a life connected with you bonded by golden rings. I just didn’t want to be married. Well I did but not to you. It’s not my fault about my feelings I have not going away. I tried I just hope you knew that. I wish you would have stayed with me. Even if I did still have slight non-avoidable feelings for your only blood brother. I still loved you remember the love we shared? You mean everything to me; at least now I know I meant less than the gum on your shoe to you.

Stop
Don’t tell me to stop or I’ll stop everything now. I’ll close up tight till my heart won’t beat again. Stop, why must I stop? What is it I need to stop again? My breathing, my movement, my tears? I can’t, no I won’t stop. Stop go stop go why can’t you make up your mind?
Why does red mean stop and green mean go? Especially if red is the color of my blood and blood is always moving. So now red means go and green means stop, I just don’t’ seem to understand. Don’t’ tell me to stop…
Little girl’s dream
Deep back in the woods where the deer all go is a small little cottage where I young girl grows. Only one bedroom, no room for guests. A girl sleeps quietly while dogs run lose in the fence. Wood stove works for heating and stored in the kitchen, it keeps the house warm. Spiral stairs leading up to a room barely big enough to relax with a book, the girl’s favorite spot to be. A T.V is not needed, she works instead. Look out the glass window to watch the rabbits in the meadow. A small garden is her next door neighbor as a way to feed her hungry belly. Vines grow along the wooded deck and stairs to hide it from the view of society’s hunger. Two little windows one on each side of the door looks into the kitchen and to the back door. A little gated area to keep the puppies from wandering off into the darkness. Hammock in the yard and books on shelves are what keep her busy all year round. Only animals are her neighbors, so no need to fright. When she turns up the music to clean at night. Be prepared to feel a little crazy if you enter her house ‘fore she doesn’t like strangers who aren’t quiet as a mouse. No one knows where she is, so she doesn’t need to worry. She’s her own little queen but her house’s little slave. The house is her dream and in that dream is me.

Didn’t try
Well I don’t know if there’s any chance of there being an us again but honestly I hope there is. I don’t want to be alone, but yet I try to understanding what you did and why you did it, no one understands. It hurts knowing I was the reason; it hurts more knowing I could have stopped you; it hurts worse knowing I didn’t.

Questions and answers
I look at your face and you’re giving me that crooked smile which always means you want me to distract the teacher. So I call him up to my desk which is across the room from yours and ask a question that I know out of experience it will take him off topic. Out of the corner of my eye I watch as you go up to his desk and start to copy down the answers to the test we are about to take. We did this at the beginning of every test just so you’d be able to ace it. I didn’t read the answers, I studied always. You and I both understood how much trouble you’d get in you failed the test so there I sat while you copied the answers listening to him go on and on about atoms and molecules. I look at him face and realize he has almost finished answering my question so I asked another. How stupid could the guy be? I mean if he turned around now he’d catch you in the act and I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. So when he finished answering my questions I let him turn around. And find you sitting back in your seat looking at me, as If you had heard everything I had thought.

You
In the beginning I was fine, you ignored all my signs. But I think it’s time to show you something. Why can’t you see, I’m speaking straight from the heart. To you, not anyone else in the world…but you

Lover
I sit here thinking of u. the way u look at me when we r close. The way u move when u crave it. The way u breathe when I fulfill your urges. Everything is a swirl in my mind driving me insane searching for a light at the end of this tunnel but I see none in sight, ever wishing your arms to be wrapped around me feeling our hearts combine into one. Feeling your lips intertwined with mine sending me deeper and deeper into a state of belonging like I have never known b4. This last year has brought me so close to u I can tell your mood by the warmth of your body I can see your thoughts in the looks u give me. Is this love true unbridled love? Can it be stronger? I honestly don’t know but one thing I do know is I will love you till the day I die no one or nothing will ever change that. I promise to stand by your side thru all the good and bad times. there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for u. yours forever.....I wish I could lay beside u all night holding u so close we can feel each other’s heart beat and feel each other’s skin. I want to fall asleep beside u and wake up with the scent of your hair tickling my nose I want to be able to kiss u good night and good morning. I appreciate everything about u and I love all of u the good and the bad I love you.

Untrue
We were close, we were one
You were my everything, my world, my one
Then one day you walked away
Ever since nothings been the same.
I still love you this is true
But you, your love wasn't as true
As mine, as I wished it were
So now I walk away
Tears in my eyes
Pain seeping into my heart
Because of you
Because of what you did
Because your love wasn't true
Because you don't love me like I do you

Remember from life
Remember all the memories we have, don’t let them slip away
Remember the love you felt, the pain and the sorrow
Remember the things we shared, the little secrets looked within a word
Remember to keep trying, to always be prepared
Remember to hold close what it is you’ve always held dear
Remember your actions, the words you spoke, and the reaction you get from them
Remember the objects that made you happy
Remember the things that make life worth it
Remember who stood by you and held you strong till them end
Remember the ones that ran away, never looking back
Remember those who think you worth it and forget the ones that didn’t
Remember the turns you made, and the roads that called you forward
Remember the colors of the rainbow, the feel of raindrops and warmth of the sun
Remember the tiger’s growl, cat’s meow and the snake’s hiss
Remember everything that life showed you
But most of all remember don’t give up

Pillow
Dear Pillow,

I love you so much; you’ve been there for me through it all. You helped me sleep and were there when I cried. I know you’ll always listen to me, you are my closest friend. You are mine and only mine so thank you for not making me share you. But mostly right now I just wanted to say I miss you and I’ll be home soon.









Love,









Me


Secrets
Secrets I have, secrets I’ve shared. Are nothing like the secrets I hold dear, but of course only you know what they really mean

Easy
It’s easier to say I don’t’ love him then to explain why I do. It’s easier to pretend that you were right then to argue why you weren’t. It’s easier to pretend every things okay when in reality it’s not. It’s easier to whisper behind her back “I’ll be his again someday” then to say it to her face. It’s easier to do a lot of things but it’s better to tell the truth.

Shattered
My heart may be shattered into the tiniest of pieces, but I still love you with every piece. You may have hurt me but I forgive and forget. Although I feel as though my life is over, I know it is just the beginning. It might be a fight but I’ll still be with you. They won’t like it but I will marry you someday. You may not be able to forgive yourself but we all know I already do. There’s no need to wait till tomorrow for what we could do today.

Through it all
Our love will not have a happy ending nor will it be an ending at all. Through love has no ending; it just keeps going through the different ages. No matter the time or place we all know our love is strong. It lasts through out the time change, the different bodies and all the space between. We will always be together even if we’re far apart.