I never thought I'd be this girl. Not in a million years. But here I am, holding the smooth, shiny, silver in my shaking hand.

It doesn't have to be this way, a voice in my head tells me. The voice is right, I realize as a tear falls down my pale cheek. It doesn't have to be this way.

It needs to be.

Just as the silver touches my skin, I hear my name. I turn around, face- and body - empty.

"Ocean," Drew says, voice trembling. "I- I am so sorry."

The blade drops from my hand as I arch an eyebrow at my former best friend.

He's changed, I notice. His hair is shorter, no longer flipping at his ears. He wears jeans and a flannel, his normal attire of basketball shorts and a hoodie gone. The gold dog tag I got him last year no longer hangs aroung his neck. I wonder where he put it, or if he threw it away.

He thinks it's all about him. It's not. He may be one of the reasons, that's for sure. But I've got ninety- nine other reasons.

"You think this is all about you?" I ask, a shocked tone to my voice. " You think I'd do myself if you were my only problem? Do you really think I'm that crazy?"

"I don't think your crazy at all," he says, blinking rapidly.

"Then don't apologize like this is all about you! At the moment, you are the least of my problems."

"Ocean, what are you talking about? I-"

"I have been taunted, lied to, talked down to, and hurt so many times by so many people. You will never understand how much pain you caused me. You were supposed to be my best friend, for God's sake Andrew! You were supposed to be there for me!"

"You wouldn't let me! You shut me out!"

"Because the damage was already done! It's all done now, and you can't fix it. You had your chance, and you didn't take it."

"But-" He glances at the blood on my wrist. It's not a lot, but it's noticable. He sure has noticed, judging by the frightened look on his face.

"Are you... cutting yourself?"

I look away. Little does he know, it was going to be my last time doing so. "Go away, Andrew. We aren't friends. You shouldn't even be here."

"No, Ocean, I am not going to leave. I am your friend, and I care about you. Hell, I am still in love with you. I won't leave."

All lies. " Go away."

"Give me the blade."

"No."

"Ocean. Give. Me. The. Blade."

"No!" I scream.

 His lips are on mine, hands on my waist. Before I know what is happening, I am kissing him back, tears streaming down his face. 

I still love Andrew. I still love him.

But that doesn't change anything. It can't.