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Middle School is War
Author's note: Inspired by some of my own experiences. Some fictional, some not so much.
“Hey goth girl!”
The greeting rings across the crowded courtyard. I turn towards the voice and see the familiar face of Fiona Ryland, her brown hair glinting with reddish hues, her blue-green eyes sparking with mischief. Something has changed, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I am positive. Maybe it’s the absence of a book in her hand, or the way her smile seems more outgoing. I feel the answering smile spread across my face. She laughs, and I do too, at the irony of her comment, for I am as far from a goth as a spider is from a butterfly, with the pink bow in my hair, the freckles on my face, and my pink-colored braces.
“Just kidding Shelby. I’ve missed you!” she
“I’ve missed you too! It’s been sooo long!” I reply.
We look each other up and down, studying the changes brought on by a summer in the sun. We start chattering about our vacations. A couple of minutes later the bell rings, signaling we have 10 minutes to get to homeroom. We simultaneously turn and start towards the stairs that will take us to our classrooms. We are joined by Maya Stephens. Maya and Fiona are complete opposites of each other. Maya has thin blond hair, so vivid it’s almost white. Fiona’s hair is darker and thicker. Maya is always cheerful and sometimes childlike; Fiona is more mature, even though she can be sortof crazy sometimes. The three of us begin to climb the stairs. We walk through the doors leading into the building and wait by the water fountain. Our quartet wouldn’t be complete without the fourth member, hence quartet.
“Wait up guys!”
Leah Delmont scrambles up the steps, her backpack overflowing with school materials.
“Nice hair” I say.
Leah’s hair has gotten longer and golder. All of us finally here, we strut towards our homeroom, proud to be eighth graders at last. We halt on the threshold, gazing into our classroom, finally realizing how different it will be. For one, Lara, the center we all revolve around, is gone, moved to California, and I can practically see the mounds of homework that await us.
“One word to summarize seventh grade.” asks Leah.
“Nightmare.” answers Maya. We all nod.
“Agreed,” I respond.
“One word for how you’re feeling right now.”
“Reluctant.” Says Fiona, as usual bombarding us with her unlimited supply of vocabulary words. The rest of us look at each other and sigh, then walk the rest of the way to homeroom.
We continue into the classroom, trying to appear calm and collected. All our old classmates are here. As I watch, Alli White walks up to Leah and begins talking to her. Maya goes off to talk to Sarah.
“Oh God!” I exclaim, “Can’t Maya’s other friends be, well, normal?!”
“Major S.S right there.” Fiona agrees.
We giggle together at our use of last year’s code words, S.S being social suicide. While we whisper, Mr. Greyson walks through the door, his blond hair slicked back. He was wearing a baby blue shirt with a matching tie and darker blue pants and jacket.
“Well Mr. Greyson looks as happy as ever, I see!” whispers Fiona and I have to pretend to cough to hide my laugh. Maya was caught off guard by the comment and is spluttering hysterically, trying not to be heard. Leah thumps her on the back and she regains composure.
“Will you please warn me before you unleash your highly developed sense of irony on us?” spits Maya.
“Only if you warn me before using your talent to attract the most un-popular people in school!” replies Fiona brightly. I giggle, and Maya glares at me.
Jeez, I think, what’s up with her? Maya isn’t usually this crabby. I see her glancing off to one side, a weird expression on her face. I would have said it was dreamy if I didn’t know any better. Maya didn’t get dreamy looks on her face, ever. I turn to see what she is looking at anyway.
I don’t realize I’ve said this out loud until I notice everyone staring at me. Maya looks embarrassed and angry, Fiona and Leah look confused. I look at Fiona, and then look away again. She follows my gaze to where Sam Bernt is talking animatedly with his friends. A flash of understanding passes through her eyes, as well as more than a little shock.
“So, Maya, anything interesting happen over the summer?” she asks innocently.
At this point Maya is seething with chagrin at being discovered and anger at us for discovering it.
“No, not at all. Why do you ask?” she responds, a little too quickly to mask her thoughts.
“No reason.” Says Fiona, “I was just wondering.” Her face suddenly lights up, the way it does when she gets an idea. And this one won’t be a nice one, I can tell. She turns to Leah.
“Hey, is it just me, or did Sam get cuter over the summer?” she asks her, her tone indicating amusement. Leah looked puzzled for a moment, but she catches on, with the same surprise as the rest of us. Maya doesn’t usually get crushes. She’s ‘too busy’ for them. As if!
“Oh yes!” she exclaims, “I wonder why I didn’t noticed it before!”
The two dissolve into a fit off giggling. Maya looks as if she can’t decide whether to be embarrassed or amused. She settles in between.
“You guys should shut up and giggle about Fiona’s new crush instead!” she said. Fiona’s face turns stony in two seconds flat, while Leah looks at her interest.
“Careful Maya,” I warn. Maya pays no attention.
“Oh! You haven’t told them yet?”
she continues, “Well I think they should know, don’t you?” Fiona clenches her teeth.
“Do you want me to tell them about your little visit to a certain someone’s house, on a certain dare?” Fiona says innocently. This time it’s Maya’s turn to fall silent.
“Guys, guys! Calm down!” I say. They turn away from each other. Fiona comes to talk to me.
“So what’s this I hear about a new crush?” I ask. Fiona smiles devilishly.
“I’ll tell you when I’m sure you won’t be tempted to spill to someone else.” She tells me.
All right, all right, I can take a hint! I think, remembering the occasion last year I accidentally told someone who she liked, causing it to get all over the school. No one had forgotten it for months!
“I don’t mind waiting, I’m patient!” I say, and we laugh at the complete untruth of that sentence. Leah walks back over to us.
“So who do you like, Fiona?” asks Leah.
“I like everyone who goes to our school, Leah. Why wouldn’t I?” replies Fiona, a little too naively. She knows that’s not what Leah means.
“I mean who do you like like?” amends Leah, trying hard not to get frustrated with the secrecy.
“If you can guess, I’ll tell you if you’re right.” Ah, Fiona. How she loves her little mind games! I’ll be watching her for any signs over the next few days, anyhow.
“Full meal please,” I say to the lady at the register, and pass through the arch to pick up my food. Today is chicken fingers, my favorite. I pick up some utensils and pour ketchup on the side of my tray. Fiona, Leah, Maya, and I head towards an empty table. We sit down and begin to eat.
A few minutes later, we look up to see Johnny, Max and a bunch of their friends pulling up chairs.
“Ok, what’s going on?” says Leah, sounding annoyed.
“We can’t find anywhere else to sit.” said Chris, “There are no more tables.” Fiona looks up suddenly, as if noticing them for the first time. I see her eyes travel over the six guys now sitting at our table, until she blushes suddenly and looks down again. So that’s it, huh? She must like one of them! Max and Chris begin talking with Josh and Matt about some PlayStation game we know nothing about, while Johnny, Zach and Sam start laughing at some private joke. None of them seems the type Fiona would like, but who knows? I can’t tell because Fiona spends the rest of lunch eating and talking quietly with Maya and Leah, never once looking across the table. When the bell rings announcing the end of lunch, she shoots away, empties her tray, and races up the stairs to her locker. Leah, Maya, and I follow more slowly.
“It was one of them.” I whisper to Leah.
“ What was one of them?” she asks.
“Fiona likes one of them!”
“Who?!” says Maya.
“I thought you knew” I say.
“Oh, well, I don’t. I was just pretending to.” she replies.
“Okay, whatever. So who do you think it is?” says Leah.
“I don’t know!” I say, “But we’ll find out.”
“Miss Harling, please pay attention to the board.” said Mrs. Derio, our new English teacher. I tear me eyes from Fiona’s note in my hand, and look up. Everyone in the class is looking at me. I put the note down and pick up my pencil. She turns back to the front of the room. I look at Fiona, sitting in the desk next to mine, with her head bent over the textbook, which could only mean her crush is in this class. She only ever acts like this when someone she likes is near. I look around the room for any of the boys who had sat at our table earlier. There are three. Max, Chris, and Johnny. I whisper to Fiona:
“Who do you like!?” She looks at me and shakes her head. She points to her temple, indicating I have to guess.
“Fine! Be like that!” I spit back.
“Miss Harling! Did I not just tell you to please pay attention?” Says Mrs. Derio, “Johnny, please switch seats with Shelby.”
Fiona’s head shoots up at the mention of Johnny’s name. Ah! Now I know. Oh well, at least something good came of this. As Johnny moves to sit in my old desk, she turns red and hides in her hair. No one but me notices, though, thank god. That would be hard to explain!
I look at the clock. Ten minutes for the end of class. I stare at Fiona again, as I have been for the last half hour.
How can she like Johnny!!!
God, she has some explaining to do. She and Johnny are talking quietly about something or other, I don’t know. He seems to like her, but I can’t be sure. I just don’t want her to get hurt if he doesn’t. She’s sensitive about things like that.
I don’t believe it! What a coincidence that Mrs. Derio should move him here! I panic, looking anywhere but at him.
Oh, God, what have I gotten myself into!!
Shelby knows, I can tell. She looks shocked so that answers that question. I try not to make eye contact when he sits down. Why are our desks angled towards each other? Oh yeah, because one of my best friends was sitting in it a second ago!!!
S***. That’s all I can think right now. I look up and he’s writing in his journal. FIONA! Get a hold of yourself! Stop it! Mrs. Derio starts yelling at Renee for not doing her homework the second night in a row.
“Does she even try?”
It takes me a second to comprehend that he is talking to me. I tentatively look up to see him looking at me.
“It doesn’t seem like it.” I respond, my voice small.
Oh god, oh god, oh god!
“I don’t know why Mrs. Derio bothers.” He says, “It won’t help.”
“I know, it’s like she can’t learn anything!” I reply. I go back to my work. A minute later, he asks for my help on a question. In a while I feel more comfortable talking with him, and we start laughing about the most trivial things. I can tell Shelby is looking at me, but I don’t want to deal with this now. I ignore her.
Every time he talks to me, I feel my heart beat faster. I know he shouldn’t have this much influence on me, but I can’t help it. It’s not my fault, or so I keep telling myself.
Whatever, I think, it’s over and done with now.
At the end of the period, Shelby rushes over.
“What do you want, Shelby?” I say, cutting her off. She doesn’t seem to hear the annoyed note in my voice. So this is how Maya felt when we found out. I vow never to make anyone feel like this again.
“You like him don’t you?!” she says excitedly. “Don’t you?”
“Uh, DUH! Where were you in the last half hour!?” I snarl. Is it really necessary to repeat it five times?!
“Trying to get your attention to talk to you!” she says, exasperated.
Well, that’s true…….
“Fine, I’m sorry. Happy?” I say, irritated.
“Yes, actually, I am.”
“Good.” I sigh, “Now can we please move on?” She answers that by turning and walking from the classroom, with me hurrying to catch up.
In the Spanish classroom Shelby and I sit next to each other, ready to endure an hour of listening to Mrs. Santino talk and talk and talk.
Shut up you old hag! I think at Mrs. Santino, watching her yell at her unsuspecting prey, in this case Sam Bernt.
At least if she’s yelling at him she’s not giving me any extra attention. One good thing, in a day that seems as if it’s come from hell.
“God, I hate chapel.” I said, as the closing song ends.
“I know,” sighed Fiona, “you tell me every day.” I glare at her.
“Well, can you blame me?” I reply. We start to get up, when Mr. Ross stands and walks to the podium.
“Please remain seated;” he begins. “We are in lock-down. Do not panic.”
We all stare at him. I cough, because none of us are really taking him seriously. “Just go sit with whatever teacher you have for your next class.” He sits back down and talks with Mrs. Vesman, the middle school director. Shelby, Fiona, and I move to sit with Mrs. Cantel, the math teacher.
“Bye, guys!” says Maya, as she walks over to Mr. Martoni’s class. We watch her leave, and then sit down. Mrs. Cantel begins reviewing for our test tomorrow, while we sink into a lazy stupor.
Suddenly; Fiona’s head shoots up.
“What’s up?” asks Shelby. Fiona looks scared, which is weird in itself.
“I heard something.” She says, hurriedly.
“Well, what was it?” I say; starting to get worried.
“Sshh, listen.” She replies. I can almost see her ears prick up, alert. Then we hear it. A gunshot rings through the quiet morning air. Several people scream. Fiona jumps to her feet and whips her head back and forth.
More screams. Another shot. Then two more. A feeling of panic settles over the people in the chapel, like a noxious fog.
“See?” she hisses, “That’s what I meant!” She looks about to pass out. The teachers herd us into a corner. We weave through the crowd to where Mr. Martoni’s class sits, and find Maya. We sit down together, some of us shaking with fear. Shelby and Maya sit next to each other, while I sit next to Fiona on Shelby’s right. I see Johnny sitting near us and notice Fiona smiling slightly.
“I’m scared.” Says Fiona, although we all know that out of the four of us, if a crazy axe murderer came running through the window right now, it would be Fiona who would stand up and beat him to a pulp if she had to.
“Don’t worry.” I say. “Johnny will rescue you!” We all laugh. She fake punches me in the arm.
“That’s what I’m counting on!” she replies, and we laugh even harder. Laughter is the best medicine for anything, you know.
At lunch all the lights are out.
“We are still in lock-down,” announces Mr. Ross, “Eighth grade please get your lunches.”
We sit at our assigned table with Emily, Sierra, Paige, and Miranda.
“Who do you like, Fiona?” asks Miranda, flipping her dark brown hair over her shoulder.
“Don’t you already know?” she replies. She glares at me and Shelby for letting it slip the other day. She doesn’t know who did it, but honestly, it’s better for me that she doesn’t! Anyway, Miranda and Fiona begin talking in low voices so the words won’t carry to the other tables around us.
“You mean it is Johnny?” whispers Miranda.
“Yup.” One word answers, never a good sign.
“Ok then.” She says and, sensing Fiona didn’t want to say more, changes the subject.
“So, what are you guys doing over the weekend?” asks Paige.
“Nothing much. Just hanging around,” I said.
“Same,” said Shelby. Maya opened her mouth to answer but before she could, Fiona smiles and with a quick,
‘I got this’, imitates Maya’s voice and says,
“This weekend I am going sailing because I think it is very fun even though no one else does.” We smile and chuckle while Maya reddens.
“Well, I think sailing is fun.” she says indignantly.
“We know!” we say in unison. “That’s why we tease you about it!”
“Hey.” Fiona says.
“Hey, why do you sound so happy?” I ask. I had asked Fiona to call me after school, so she did.
“I was just talking to Laura and she said she asked Johnny if she would date like a couple of girls, and listed some names. Then she asked if he would date me and he didn’t say no, he said maybe. So that’s good right, maybe?” She sounds so excited, which makes me feel worse about having to tell her the truth.
“Fiona,” I say gently, “she told him you like him.” I hear the other end go silent. Three seconds. Five.
“What?”she asks, voice quiet and deadly mad. I remember how she had been soo embarrassed when someone found out who she liked last year, and this year it would only be worse.
“She asked him if he would date you, not anyone else, and so he probably knows.” I say. I can picture her face, the cold eyes, hard mouth, vacant expression indicating shock and anger. Sometimes it’s scary hwo well we all know each other.
I hear her let out a breath. I wait. And wait some more.
“Hello, you there?” I ask tentatively.
“Give me a second.” She replies, sounding strained. I hear a short, sharp scream on the other end of the line.
“Are you okay?” I say.
“What do I do!?” she sounds truly desperate.
“First of all, stay calm!” I tell her. She breathes in deeply, then lets it out.
“Second, just play it cool, k?” I can tell she doesn’t think this will help.
“Then, we have to find out who he told and what they know.” I hear her typing on the computer. Three seconds. Five.
“Well, Zach and Kevin know.” She says with false cheeriness.
Okayyyy. That was quick, I think.
“How do you know?” I say.
“Well unless they are really interested about whom I like, then I don’t think it’s a coincidence they just asked me that on facebook!!” her voice becoming more and more frenzied with each word she utters.
“Fine we’ll deal with it tomorrow, I promise.”
She makes a noncommittal noise and I continue trying to cheer her up.
“And babe?” I ask.
“Yeah?” she says. I smile at the face I imagine she’s making.
“Try not to kill yourself or anyone else today, ok?” I say jokingly. Unfortunately, I don’t think she takes it as such.
“I’ll try.” But she doesn’t sound very confident. And on that morbid note, she hangs up.
I look up to see Fiona and Shelby walks into homeroom, whispering conspirationally. They look up and I wave to them, indicating the two empty seats next to mine. They walk over, but they don’t sit next to me. Instead they sit three chairs over. I find myself getting annoyed at being ignored.
“Hello, anybody home?” I don’t bother to hide my annoyance from my voice, but they don’t seem to notice.
“Yes, but what is she told?” I hear Fiona say flusterdly. “We can’t trust anyone!”
“Calm down.” Says Shelby, as always, the voice of reason. “We don’t know for sure, we can only watch.” And with that they face Mr. Greyson as he calls attendance. They don’t speak for the rest of homeroom.
Wonder what that was about, I think, but anyway, really, I want to know why they were ignoring me. And my thoughts move on.
What’s up with those three? I ask myself as I watch them sit down ignoring each other. Fiona and Shelby ignoring Leah, or vice versa.
I sit with Fiona and Shelby, and hear them talking in low voices.
“She must’ve told her, who else would’ve, or could’ve?!” Fiona said, both unaware I could hear them perfectly well.
“Whatever, we’ll talk later.” And they turn to face the front.
“What are you talking about?” I ask, not really expecting them to tell me.
“Well, someone told Laura and them that Fiona likes Johnny, and Sierra said it was Leah,” said Shelby.
“Oh.” Leah must be crazy. Fiona’s gonna kill her! Shelby seems to share my thoughts. She leans towards me and whispers, “Fiona’s pissed! Leah better watch her back.” She looks worried. This might just drive a rift between them too deep to fill.
I notice Fiona herself hasn’t said anything yet.
“Is it true, Fiona?” I ask quietly, “did she really tell them?” It seems a little much to me. I mean, it’s only a couple people.
“I’m sure they won’t tell anyone.” I add. Her gaze darkens.
“That’s not the point. She’s already told Chris! He’s a guy too! Not even a friend of ours!” She whispers, an edge of fury slipping into her voice, adding to it a touch of steel which I deemed mildly unnecessary.
“Why would she do that!?” I ask, truly perplexed. Shelby looks guilty for some reason. “Shelby…?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you!” she bursts out, “Leah’s dating Chris. Has been for a like two months now! And she has Josh on the hook too!”
“What!!!!” Fiona and I exclaim together. “HOW!!!”
“Tell you later, but now we gotta get to math!” She says. We look at the clock. We have one minute to get across the school.
“C’mon!!” says Shelby, already running out the room. Fiona and I sprint after her.
Why can Leah can get any guy she wants! We all secretly despise her a little for it. Like last year at the Carnival at school, we met these guys, and one of them, the cutest one, sortof liked Shelby. Then Leah turned up her like’o’meter and ‘poof’! He was her’s. Maya, Leah and her new ‘friend’, Jesse, and a bunch of other boys had gotten on the rocket ride and I got on, too. But there were no more seats. So I had to walk back past all of them, get off, and let them see me; the lonely loser, standing on the ground alone. Shelby hadn’t gotten on because she didn’t like going fast, so we walked around. Then, when they all got off, Leah had run up smiling happily.
“What happened?” I asked. She giggled like an idiot before answering.
“He kissed me!!!” she squealed, jumping with joy. Shelby’s face fell, but Leah didn’t notice; she was still riding the high she always got after getting a new bf. Only I had realized how sad Shelby was. Leah ran back to the rest of the group, leaving us to walk alone. We made a pact, then and there. We wouldn’t let anyone make us make each other unhappy. Not even a guy. ESPECIALLY not a guy. We haven’t broken it yet, and I don’t think we will.
A shrill voice broke through my reverie.
“Miss Ryland, the answer to number 3, please.” Said Mrs. Cantel. I scanned the problem and did the computation mentally.
“320 degrees.” She writes it on the board and moves on to the next question. I feel the edge of a note poking my thigh from under my chair. Shelby sits behind me so I pretend to reach down for my purse and under the pretense of finding an eraser, snatch it from her fingers.
Just checking. u looked rlly pissed b4, wen i told u about Leah and Chris. Was it something I said?
Not xactly, more like that it was u who told me something I didn’t wanna hear, u no??
No. now explain.
Y does SHE get them all?!?! She ALWAYS get’s the boy!!!! Remember the Carnival….
hard not to, and believe me, i've tried. So wat was it i said tht made u mad?
U no how u said she ws dating Chris??
ya, wat of it?
Just for once, I wish I was the one who had the bf, or you, but NOT HER!!!!!! And she has Josh following aftr her 2!!!!!!!
ya. i know. So wat r u going 2 do about it?
make her feel like us for once. Make Chris forget her.
Then make sure she can’t have either of them.
I look over my shoulder at her. She nods. Together we look at Leah, who is too busy flirting with Max and Matt. I don’t think Chris would be too pleased at that. The bell rings, and Shelby and I escape to Social Studies with Mr. Martoni.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I promised her I wouldn’t tell. Then I realized it wasn’t fair to you. So I told.” I can tell she’s really upset that I’m sad. And that’s why she’s my best friend. She looks after me.
“It’s okay, Shelby. I know it wasn’t your choice to not tell us. But now I’m pissed. And I’m getting our friend back.”
I can’t believe Leah would be so obvious! She ruined everything! How can she be so blind as to not realize what she did?
Fiona and Maya know about everything! And I won’t be able to help Leah out of this one! I glance sideways at Fiona. Sometimes I wish we only talked by passing notes. It’s so much easier to lie that way.
Miss Crazy looks excited, and I know why. The drama is the only thing that makes school interesting. Fiona looks up and meets my gaze. She smiles and seems to know what I’m thinking.
“It’s been too long without a good scandal to get us stirred up, am I right?” she says. My smile is strained when I return it.
“You know it!” I reply with a little dryness in my voice. She starts laughing hysterically, and Mr. Martoni looks at us sharply, and I get a little bit exasperated.
“Fiona, you need to relax a bit, k?” I say.
“Fine!!! But you know how hard it is for me to be serious in THIS class!!”
“Well, at least try, ok?” I say. She pouts.
“ You can’t appreciate my humor! I’m done here!” She says dramatically, and exits the room to go to the bathroom. I drop the friendly face I wear with her now. I have to, or I think so, because I don’t want her to know what I feel and think in regard to her, and Leah. She hates Leah, and I used to, too, but I now, I don’t know. I tried to find a reason why we’re so mad, and I think it’s because we’re jealous. I mean, she has the perfect boyfriend, she has loads of friends; who wouldn’t want to be her? I think of Fiona. Crazy, wild, sometimes overly eccentric Fiona. Lately, she seems to be more gloomy than usual, and I started spending more time with Leah again. I had forgotten how nice it was to spend time with someone normal. She made me laugh a lot, and Fiona did too, but it wasn’t the same. Fiona had accidentally knocked me over in P.E yesterday, and I just got overwhelmed, and ran towards the basketball courts to calm down. Fiona came after me to apologize, but I just didn’t want to hear it. I kept averting my eyes whenever she sought direct eye contact, and always put Leah, who was in the same sport as us, in between us in the goal for soccer. I know that she noticed, because she asked me to please look at her, and I did, but then didn’t anymore. She told me that she was really sorry again, and I said ‘I know.’ She also told me to please not ignore her, because if I did, she would probably start crying. I wouldn’t believe her if she did, but other people might. She’s a good actress. That’s what gets her out of all those tough spots she gets herself into with other people because of the little stunts she pulls when she gets bored. A bored Fiona is almost as bad as a hysterical one.
Just then, she re-enters, sighing dramatically.
“I couldn’t bear to be without you for long, Shelby, so I returned as soon as possible.” She says.
Drama queen. I think, sort of annoyed now at the theatrics which seem to be going on every day.
Her blue eyes sharpen, and she glances at me. Her eyes scan mine, and I find myself looking away from her face. Sometimes, she can get a little scary when she does that. Like she knows what you think of her, and she’ll deal with you later.
She finally turns back around, but she doesn’t say anything to me for the rest of the class. I can almost feel the cold in the air.
Like the calm before a storm, I think.
Shelby: another problem I have to deal with. Why is it that I always have someone mad at me?! And I can’t believe she won’t even talk to me about what’s wrong. She’s completely freezing me out, and if she thinks I can’t tell, well, I’m disappointed. She should know me well enough by now. It’s not like I could be good actress if I couldn’t tell how people reacted to the story. And I really thought that this time I might have made a friend for life.
2 month later.
I walk inside the school doors, feeling as if my insides are turning to butterflies. And not the good kind either.
Big, ugly, flesh eating butterflies.
The first day of fifth grade all over again.
But this time it’s worse: now instead of being unknown, I have people who hate my guts. I shudder to think what I’d have to do if I ever wanted THEM to talk to me again.
Shelby, Leah, and Maya.
In a couple months, I’ve lost all three of my best friends, all because of one stupid, stupid idea, and some misunderstandings.
The thing I regret the most, though, is not talking to Shelby.
I knew I’d eventually do something to piss Maya off, but surprisingly, she’s not mad at me, she just hangs out with different people than I do. Leah has enough friends that I wouldn’t matter a whole lot, but Shelby, I thought we could always talk to one another about everything.
The sad thing is, I was going to try to work it out with them all, and then they went and made up some rumor that I was bi, and they told Jonathan, one of my guy friends who I’m pretty sure likes me, and then he told me. I tried to act like it didn’t matter, but WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT? And why tell Jonathan?? He’s probably the only guy who will ask me out, and what if he had believed them? I would have been single for life!! (middle school, anyway.) It isn’t true, they know that, and I know that, but everyone else might believe them. When I confronted them about it, they denied it all, but I know that as soon as I left, they were all giggling and whispering and laughing about me.
I’ve been sitting alternately with Emily, Sierra, and Morgan’s table one day, then with Loretta, Juliana and Anna’s the next, and it’s nice. It’s fun cuz we talk about all the things that happen in school, and….
It’s not the same.
I sigh, realizing how pointless it is for me to try to compare everyone. I don’t fit in anywhere now, not with Emily’s group: they’re too popular for me, and not with Loretta’s: they have all these inside jokes I can’t be a part of. And there’s Alexia and Lauren. I can tell they agree with Shelby and them, and I can tell they hate me, and I don’t care about Alexia particularly, because no one does, but Lauren is a different story altogether. I if want to be accepted by more than just 5 people in the whole school, I need her to at least tolerate me. But all that wouldn’t matter if THEY would just TALK TO ME! I know I shouldn’t want them to be my friends after what they did to me, but I can’t help it sometimes.
But then again…..
They are backstabbers and liars and just all-around bad people, and I DON’T want to be friends with them.
we have dances. I always used to get ready with them, and dance then we would dance all together, and now, I don’t. Well, I guess it’s for the best, because I don’t need them.
Oh forget it! I DO NOT need them. Final. Period. End of discussion.
Maybe someday we'll talk about it. Air our feelings and all that emotional stuff.
But today isn’t that day.