Keller, | Teen Ink

Keller,

March 1, 2023
By jgerber, Monroe, Wisconsin
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jgerber, Monroe, Wisconsin
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November 27th

They always talk about the airport crushes that you see once but never see again. Always too shy to get their number, but you'll still know there's no way you'll cross paths again. I saw him the second I walked in the Santa Monica airport. His perfect blue eyes staring in my own already. I could definitely see myself looking at them for the rest of my life. And his smile, oh his smile. He was waiting in line for a baggage check. No one behind him. I stood behind him, my cheeks burning more than I thought possible. His body had twisted a little, being able to look at me. And his eyes never left my own. Those perfect eyes. With those tall legs, he hovered over me. And suddenly I wanted to only be in his arms. “So, where are you heading to?” and so it begins.
“Visiting my hometown for a week.” I told him, trying not to physically scream. 

“Me too.” with that soft smirk lying upon his face. His voice was the deep way I normally found so attractive for men to have, not having that overly deep where it’s almost creepy. That voice that was raspy in a way, but still containing that soft effect. 

“Are you from here?” I asked him.

“No, I mostly live back home, in Texas. I stay with my best friend here a lot though.”

“Oh really?” I sounded too enthused, knowing I could see him again. “Too bad I never see you around.” One person away from his check. One less minute to make sure I did see him again. He could be my soulmate. And how this is going so far, I sure hope he is. And knowing me, if I dont get his number, I'll be crying and complaining to my best friend for weeks over it. She knows how emotional I can get, especially with how much I overthink. 

“You might not say yes to this, but could I have your number?” I blurted out right before he started walking away, for his turn. I could sense my cheeks warming up, my legs even shaking a little from it all. 

“I was waiting for you to ask.”  And there was that perfect smile again. “I’m Kian, Keller.” 

“Wren, from New York.” I told him with a smile. I tucked my wavy brunette hair behind my ear. 

“Such a beautiful name.”

My smile appeared so wide; I was almost embarrassed of how large he made it. So his phone received my number, watching him walk away almost hurt, wishing I could leave with him without even knowing the destination. 

Life continued on while we were both away with our family. But we always found a way to text each other every second we could. We talked about the little things like his favorite food and holiday. We were both relieved to find out he was 24 while I was 23. I almost hate the fact he’s making me fall so hard, so soon, but it’s his fault for being this perfect.

December 5th

Finally the time came where I got to see him again, my favorite smile had met me again. We decided upon the ice rink, and I let him teach me. I learned he had been a hockey player ever since he was little, along with his favorite sport of football. The rink was packed once we stepped in, his hand holding mine. He was right for me to bring a jacket, because it wasn't the warmest place to be. Walking in, I saw the large number of people inside the rink, while outside the wall containing the ice had multiple spots for seating and a few food booths with little snacks like cookies and pretzels. The entire time, he was pulling me along, I don’t think I’ve ever been more afraid of falling before. And, of course, there were the group of teenage boys laughing at me every time I fell, and every time I gave them the finger. Kian gave me a smirk with a little laughter once I did it, his hands continuing to guide me. After a few hours of skating, it was time to leave. I couldn’t even tug the skates off my feet, Kian spent at least 10 minutes carefully getting the laces unknotted, our loud laughter attracting everyone remaining. 

“Now it’s your pick, where do you wanna go?” Kian asked me, swinging our arms together. 

“Ice cream sounds perfect.” He immediately laughed as though he thought I was joking. He took a second look, making sure I wasn’t joking before he said, “Alright…I think I know a place.”

So, there it was, the night ending with our bodies cuddled up on my couch while we traded our ice cream back and forth. And indeed his favorite spot was a good pick. I had picked out chocolate with cookie dough, he had picked out chocolate with Reese’s. 

March 28th 

“I think I’m definitely gonna have to admit something to you,” Kian whispered while his fingers traced around my arms, around my face. 

“What’s that?” Our voices were so soft, feeling like a movie in a way.

“I love you. Like…a lot.” The words I’ve been waiting for finally left his lips. “I think I have for a while; I just knew it was too soon to admit it.”

“I love you too. I have for months,” I admit as well. 


There were long seconds of silence inhaling us, our eyes just staring into eachothers. And I just knew I was giving him these adoring eyes. His fingers were still tracing my body. And after a long while of staring, his hands moved to pull me even closer to his body. Soon my leg had been moved to lying on top of his legs, my head hiding in the crook of his neck, and one hand caressing near his ear. 

June 2nd

About 2 months went by before we flew out to meet his family, they had been dying to finally meet me. The two of us had been calling them for a while, getting closer to them every time. But my family was a different story. I had grown up in a very toxic household, my parents and family always criticizing every little thing whether it’s the way my clothing was, to any little wrong-doing. It hurt a lot being stuck in it, always wishing it would get better and being so happy once I could leave. His family was amazing and loveable and just like family to me. But mine was just the opposite. I promised him a visit in a few months, preparing him for what we would have to go through. But he didn’t care, he would do it all for me, easily. Is what he wouldn’t stop assuring me. 


And this time, it wasn’t just an airport crush. I was now standing beside him, my eyes wandering around the airport, looking at every other person living their own lives, going to their own destinations. The plane ride didn’t feel so lonely or heartbreaking like before, because now everything was different. I had found the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Everything feels okay now. My life feels right now. 

I heard the dogs barking the second the cab pulled into the driveway. Their home was beautiful just like he talked about. The huge balcony going around the entire house, the wide amount of windows being open to the beautiful view of greenery all around us. 

“I’d say you like the house?” Kian’s hand snaked around my waist, moving me into him. 

“Maybe just a little,” I looked up at him with my goofy smile, causing him to grin.

Before he got the chance to kiss me, the dogs were running up to us with pure joy. Looking to my right, his parents were waving at us from the open door. Immediately, I removed myself from Kian’s arms and ran to meet his parents. His mother hugged me as fast as she could, her hug feeling so similar to her son’s. The same hug that made me feel so utterly safe, as though I never have to worry about another thing. It felt like home. 

“I’ve been dying to meet you,” She said, once she let go of me. 

“I’m so happy I could finally meet you.” My smile was so wide, yet I was terrified to actually talk to her in person. I loved them, but I couldn’t help but wonder if they’d begin to dislike me once I was actually in their presence for a while. 

We quickly got inside, his father insisting on carrying my bags, of course I had to let him. The rest of the night his mother made us her homemade Alfredo pasta recipe that Kian always bragged about. And, indeed, it was worth the amount of times he’s mentioned it. We all sat in the living room together, Kian and I cuddled, while the dogs cuddled up next to the two of us as well. His parents put on a show called Seinfeld; which I enjoyed. But after a few hours of watching it I fell asleep in Kian’s arms. My body ended up in the same position it always was, his parents never seemed to mind how close we always had to be. I think they almost adored how we were together, even his father, who I was afraid to even slightly touch Kian in front of. But Kian grabbed my body closer to him while we helped cook, his father barely even moved a face muscle when he saw it. 

The week of being with his parents had ended, every one of us crying once his father got the luggage out of their trunk. His mother immediately hugged me tightly again. Tears were in my eyes while we started walking away from his parents. Kian talked and talked about how much his parents loved me, the entire flight.

There had been this underlying feeling that gnawed at me, knowing my family was nothing like this and it hurt. It hurt, not knowing what I had done wrong to not get a family like his. While instead, I got a family that only tore me apart and criticized every little decision and thing about me. They always made me question what I deserved, if I deserved anything at all. But his family made me believe I deserved it all and more. That I deserved Kian, and to be loved by him and them so deeply. 

September

“But what about me Kian?” 

Kian had started debating about moving back to his hometown or another state. The thing is I would love to move to his hometown, being able to see his parents all the time. But I can’t with my job. I looked and looked for the chance of switching my work there, but there was no offered job available. I couldn’t stop doing my esthetician position, knowing I absolutely enjoyed doing it most of the time. 

And now we only argued about who would make the sacrifice, or if either of us would. This was really the moment I feared of us having, one problem that would lead to him leaving. 

“Wren, it’s about me too.” His voice was so ached with pain. 

“I know that, Kian.” I hated how dumb he was making me feel right now, but I didn’t say a word in case I only made things worse. “The thing is, I can’t do anything about it. There’s no job for me there. But being here, you have a job you even love. You can’t just leave me with no way of working a job I actually enjoy.”

The silence between us remained intense, and I didn’t like it. The only thing I did was look at him, my lip biting out of anxiety. My eyes still looked at him with so much utter love, but there remained that small amount with such hurt aching through. 

Then his eyes looked down in my own, and every amount of safety I could ever feel returned. I let his arms snake around my waist and pull me in so tightly, feeling as though it would be the last touch for quite a while. 

“You’re right,” He paused, his voice so soft. “You know I hate admitting it.” The smile twitched at my lips, so did his. “I can’t expect you to follow me everywhere, without thinking of so much more. And I know for a fact I can’t live anywhere without you. So, I won’t leave. I can’t. Not without you, and certainly not with you resenting me to our death.” I held onto his body even tighter, thanking everything I could that it wasn’t a goodbye hug. “But you have to promise me one thing.” His body removed from me a little bit, his eyes reaching me. 

“What’s that?”

“We save money, and when we retire we go live somewhere we dream of. Without any worries at all. No money, no problems, nothing but us.” 

The dream location we had always talked about going to was Hawaii. It was such a basic place to go, but we both agreed we wanted it the most. We talked and talked about how we would lay in a little hut on the beach, never missing a moment of exploring and just letting the entire world go. 

The smile tugged at my lips as I told him, “Definitely,” Both of our smiles running so wide. 

July…2 years later.

The same blue eyes I fell in love with almost 3 years ago were flooding with water, once his eyes hit the white dress I walked in. I held onto my dad's arm, his eyes also tearing up. And there was my best friend of 15 years crying the most, knowing how much I fell in love with him, and how utterly happy she was to finally see me happy and not crying over another boy who broke my heart. 

Now, standing in front of him the tears crashed onto me even harder. The words, “I do” left my tongue so easily. And after years of waiting, I had finally married my best friend. 

Everyone had started eating and talking, I had gone to my best friend first. The absolute excitement flooded her entire body. 

“Such a beautiful name,” There was his voice, whispering in my ear. I turned around to look up at him, once again loving how he hovered over me.

“And what name is that?”

“Keller,” his last name. And now mine. 

“I suppose it isn’t such a bad name then.” I smiled wholeheartedly.  

The trip we always hoped to have, was accomplished. We somehow saved plenty of money to go on the trip, of course with the help of his family and wedding money, we had also saved a little of. We spent a few months in Hawaii, we only wished we could stay forever. Except the price is nothing we could really afford. 

This was never just an airport crush, and I was certainly right for thinking I could look at those perfect blue eyes, and that perfect smile, for the rest of my life. Afterall, I was given his last name. 



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