Okay, here I am. =)  I don’t have a ton of time, and I’m trying to fit this in, so if it’s not as long as some of my critiques, I apologize.

First off, I’ll commend you on your summary. For one, it had good grammar—a rarity here; for another, it was fairly well-written, and captured the reader’s attention.

Alright.  The prologue.  What I’m about to mention first is something that I understand can’t truly be avoided, but there are….a few too many prologues set in the woods nowadays, according to publishers.  Also—publishers don’t like prologues.  And believe me, I know I’m being a complete hypocrite saying that, but it’s true.  I’m not telling you to cut your prologue—you’d know better than me if it’s necessary.  Just a  warning there.

Good foreshadowing with the entire prologue.  I commend you on both the writing and the content—you captured both third person and a child’s voice quite well, and the bit with the fire and the mother was very well-done.  It does set up the story well.

I have a few nitpicks.  One—you don’t need to say someone watched ‘carefully’ with guarded eyes. If they’re watching with guarded eyes, they’re watching carefully.

Raveled is a word, but I’ll admit—it’s not used a whole lot.  This isn’t necessary, but while I quite like the sentence where it describes what the Fire does, it could just be ‘unraveled the spun’ or something along those lines.

“Her emerald eyes were distant as she gazed [into] the infinite darkness beyond the light of the fire.”  ßYou were missing the ‘into’ and without that it wouldn’t make sense.

Onto the first chapter.

Thanks[;

Your feedback was really helpful, and I appreciate it. I'll submit more when I have the time(: Oh yeah.

I'm just curious, but how long does it take you to finish a novel? I'm trying to pace myself evenly here, to split time between schoolwork, studying, etc and I'm not entirely sure. Thanks(:

Thanks for the critiquing! Yeah, I thought about removing Chapter Two in place for something a bit more interesting to read, and I also did think about clearing up Summer's personality. I'll have to revise it when I submit more chapters. Haha I haven't heard of Malinda Lo or read Donna Jo Napoli, but I'll be sure to check it out sometime. 

Yup, girl power. I was aiming for that. Thanks for the helpful feedback(:!

First off, congratulations on being the most discussed Sci-Fi/Fantasy novel :D

Secondly, to the critique...I really like the character's names here. You manage to capture the fantasy elements without having to resort to unrealistic names. The flow between the details, backstory, and actual events is very well done, and you never had to resort to simply spelling anything out for the reader.

The best advice I can give is in the long run, as you complete the novel, keep the core cast of characters small and well-developed. A big part about fantasy is ensuring each character has their own story within the larger story (though don't go out of your way to devote screen time to a character who doesn't need it!)

I like the time and setting of this; how it's like a fairytale with a twist. Your style of writing actually really reminds me of "Ash" by Malinda Lo (a modern twist on Cinderella where the main character actually does hunt with a bow also) and the type of revised tales that Donna Jo Napoli writes. I wish you incorporated more "showing than telling" into the story because the beginning of Chapter Two kind of lost my attention. It was easy to figure out what type of person Mira was, but I wish we knew a little bit more about Summer's personality, likes/dislikes, etc. Like for example, if the main character was cocky and narrating the story, you could make the character think that he/she was the greatest or if the main character was shy and narrating the story, you could write the character's thoughts about he/she is afraid of meeting new people, how they make them nervous, etc. But I can see that Summer is a very strong female heroine type of character. :] Girl power? (: These are just little hints and suggestions; they weren't mean to be offensive at all. 

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. You've got great ideas and that's what's most important about being a writer. I hope you keep writing more awesome stuff! :]

Thanks, I'd been hoping someone would say that. :]

And, if it didn't bother you too much, could you read my realistic fiction article called Dear Juliet? It was approved yesterday and I'm not getting many views; I'd appreciate some feedback. Thanks(:

I like the idea you have for the story. Your wording and descriptions are good, and I would gladly continue reading it. But I must point out all the mistakes I can.

'...plunged into the warmness of the fire.' Should be warmth instead of warmness.

'Within the arms,....' Correct to 'Within them,'

'...was filled of confusion.' Change to either 'was full of confusion' or 'was filled with confusion.

'... walked into the darkness.' you should add more. Put an adjective before 'darkness.' Unforgiving, maybe?

Chapter two

'...mirroring the wild pounding of her heartbeat.' Omit 'beat' after heart.

'...lying on her cot that became too small...' Lying in her cot, and change 'became' to 'had become'.

'...small leather sack with a clean stack...' Add ', along' in between 'sack' and 'with'.

'...darkened with browned mottling of age...' Insert 'the' in between 'with' and 'brown'. Remove the last two letters of 'browned'.

'her pendant had ceased the pulsing...' Omit 'the'.

'...intriguing Summer to solve its mystery.' Doesn't sound right. 'Intriguing' would mean 'fascinating'. You should change it to 'urging'.

'... and looking not at all ruffled.' Change to '... and not looking at all ruffled.'

'And you could get up earlier next time. It's nearly noontime.' Two sentences ending in the same word sounds odd. You should remove the 'time' after 'noon'.

'A faint smile made a way onto...' Made its way.

'Summer had struck a pressure point.' I think you should change 'pressure point' to 'nerve'.

Sorry, there's only so much I can take right now. I'll do Chapter 3 soon. Good work, though!

Thanks so much! Your comment really means a lot to me. I was thinking about taking a break on this novel (already was, actually) to do some nonfiction writing. However, I think I'm going to continue now(; I didn't think people were still reading this book, especially since the novel fantasy section has the most books. 

Thank youu!

Thanks! 

I was aiming for a more timeless setting, and I didn't want to get too much mixed up with old-fashioned writing. I appreciate your rating(:

I'm not sure when I can post again, because I'm stuck between school craziness. I'd like to get at least five chapters done before I do submit it to the editors. 

Again, thanks for the feedback!(:

Yeah, I'm trying to throw in some unexpected twists to the story to make it less predictable. Although I'm not sure what you mean by the cliche part? I might take that part out, though.

Thanks for the feedback!(:

I thoguht it was pretty good, written exremely well.

I like the element thing. I think that it's kind of predictable though, at least for now. And the girl hunting with a bow thing is just a little but cliche. But I did think it was good, and I encourage you to write more. :)