This is a cool story. I'm only halfway through right now, I just finished chapter six. I noticed a few flaws, but not many. One was the pace was slightly too fast for my taste, because, think about it this way: when you go to barnes and noble or borders and buy a nice new book, it will take a while to get into the action, but in here, it's pretty much just the first chapter and then bang comes the action. Likewise between action, such as when Arcana and her siblings escape the police, it takes about two seconds for them to get caught by Mud Judd and his crew. Also, it said she heard a shot, but I don't see that being possible since the tribe didn't have guns, maybe just have her scream. 

But don't get me wrong, the story is excelent and I look forward to reading more, but i have no time right now. I do like your characterization skills especially.

I give this a 4 out of 5 stars, keep up the great work!

I spent days reading this over and over again. The plot haunted me throughout the instances when I was not reading the actual words. This was extremely well written, and I'd love if you continued the story!

I almost feel bad saying that I couldn't actually find anything to remedy with constructive criticism. I feel that way because someone might think that I'm only making them feel good when there's actually something there to fix. In this instance, that is not true! This work was truly amazing. Thank you for the contribution; it's much appreciated.

This book is one of the best I've ever read. And not just out of the ones published to TeenInk, but of ones that have actually been published.

Kudos!

Wow...

I'm sorry I took so long to comment.  I searched for 'White Ribbon' and I couldn't find it, then Teen Ink re-added the 'My Contributions' thingy and I was able to find it instantly.

Just for the record, I NEVER reply to comments asking me to read their story. But you compared my story to "The Lady or the Tiger" which not only flattered me and made my big head swell, but also impressed me that you had heard of it.

Because that was definately an inspiration to my story.

Now to yours:

I only read the first chapter, so everything that I say should be based off that...

I loved it.

It was very good. Reminiscent of 'City of Ember' or maybe 'The Giver' or 'Hunger Games' (all books I enjoyed).

I loved the way you opened up!! You wrote very professionally, writing into the story. That is something not many Teen Ink writers do. Instead of describing everything (including your created world) straight off, you let it emerge slowly. You don't force it, and because of that, it feels very real.

You also shied away from too much description, which I liked. Too many authors try to describe everything about the scene. What you should be doing, is describing the feeling, the mood. You don't need a lot of words to do that. And you did it perfectly.

You obviously understand what it is to write, and have an obvious knack for it.

Remember I only read the first chapter...but I was impressed.

I am giving you five stars. Which is something, because I have never given five stars EVER on Teen Ink before. Most of the stories are loads of crap!

The only thing I didn't like was that it wasn't a short story. You can't get a novel published in Teen Ink's monthly magazine, and that troubles me because I know from what I have read that you are capable of doing so.

Thank you!  I'm glad you like it and that you commented!