Pain. | Teen Ink

Pain.

February 26, 2012
By kaylie SILVER, chandler, Arizona
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kaylie SILVER, Chandler, Arizona
5 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"the truth is everyone is going to hurt you. you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for"
-Bob Marley


My name is Pain, I stand in front of you today to confess my actions that dramatically altered the life of a young innocent girl and profess my regret of these actions. As a group member from the Board of Consequences, I admit to failing to regard my training and having acted out of place, thus needlessly causing this girl to suffer the Consequences. I plead guilty in front of the Chambers of Consequences in hope that you will in turn set her free from her Suffering. Let her feel no more Pain.

We approached the girl, our next victim, my assignment; fully prepared to hand to her the Consequence she had not yet known was coming. Our job, at the Board of Consequences was to teach a lesson, our mantra, “At every mistake, on must suffer Consequence.” It was my turn to someone’s future in my hands, grasp it in my arms, and do with it what I pleased. We stood in the gym awaiting the perfect opportunity to punish her for her negligence. The strong aroma of perfume mixed with the smell of newly waxed flooring overwhelmed me. That, plus the loud distraction of obnoxious young cheerleaders, made it hard to focus on the task at hand. I found it almost impossible to break my gaze from the disgustingly talented and vibrant young girl. She was gliding through the air with precision and grace, completely unaware of the Pain that would soon be hers. I gaped at the scene. She flipped, cheered, danced, and then completed her routine with a final pyramid. She and the rest of her team were rewarded with a one-minute water break. I waited, annoyed. Painful memories passed through my mind, horrible feelings still resonated in my heart. It seemed to be ages ago that this could’ve been me, if it hadn’t been for that day.
I was jealous.

Engrossed in thought, I almost forgot to carry out my mission. I gazed, but this time with the power of Pain radiating off my transparent skin. I watched as the Pain spiraled through the air, directly towards the oblivious child. The Pain screeched for attention, yet remained just a whisper in the wind. Finally the feeling grabbed her in the middle of her first flip, spreading efficiently through her shoulder. She winced; I grinned. However, she didn’t stop. She continued with even more tenacity this time than the first. So I walked towards her. In resentment, I placed myself comfortably into the spacious groove of her collarbone. But still, there was no reaction. Thoroughly irritated, I began pulling a tugging at the connective tissues surrounding her collarbone. I was only focused on filling her careless mind with misery. The immediate inflammation caught her off guard. In bewilderment and distress, she began to cry. Since no one had ever seen the girl cry before, in shock and disbelief they rushed over to her with a sense of urgency. I laughed as I sat pleasantly in my newfound home, watching the situation before me spin out of control.
I lifted my head to whisper softly in her ear, “I’ll be back… No matter the amount of effort you put into ignoring me, I’ll always be with you.”
I chuckled manically. Though I knew she couldn’t hear me, I knew she could feel the burning sensation of my words pulsating through her swollen arm. Though my words were meant as threat, I never suspected to be living them literally. She continued her weeping as her parents rushed her to the horribly familiar urgent care that was two blocks from her house. Her sobbing increased when she was informed that she wouldn’t be allowed to participate in sports for a month, but none of that mattered to her. She would ignore my every intimation, I was positive she would.

And that she did. It was barely three months later when we sat waiting patiently in the same office we’d visited so many times before. I was a part of her now; it was just a matter of time before she would come to realize that. Hopefully, that time would come soon. I grew tired of her constant stupidity. Appointment after appointment, I continued to be amazed by her ignorance and inability to comprehend. I watched her listen, but when would she learn? The query lingered in my mind for a long time; it would be years before I received an answer.
As months passed, I watched members of the Board temporarily enter the inner turmoil of the girl’s body and mind. “None of them took their job as serious as I did,” I thought to myself. However, all of them still left their unique marks on the poor innocent child. Time went on and I witnessed the same amusing patterns of her incompetence repeating again and again. It was as if she possessed a subconscious desire for feeling Pain. I saw every mistake she made and every ounce of suffering she chose to endure.
She continued to look upon all of this, all of Us, as nothing.
It wasn’t until that day, the winter night when she would be forced to face the worst of her fears, that the nuisance child would start caring. With her fortitude and determination, she concentrated on landing the difficult skill of a full twisting back flip with perfection. However, tonight she would not succeed. Torture was lurking apprehensively in the shadows. He was the grimmest of all Board members and had been ordered to deliver the final torment. I watched silently in the cushioned cocoon of the girl’s twisted web of ligaments. I saw torture waiting for us in the middle of the royal blue mats; his skin beamed with the darkest shade of clout. My glow was just a tint, compared to his onyx-black appearance.
He stood patiently, poised.
He remained still as the frustrated girl attempted her dangerous trick for the last time that night. He made this job look effortless, showing almost no emotion as the insidious actions took place. She ran, I could feel it. She hurdled, I could see it. I saw it all happen as I stepped out of the way, out of her body, to let Torture do his job. She flipped, and everyone anticipated the following pain. Her rotation, it took her straight to the ground. She broke, and I heard it, even though it didn’t make a sound. Torture and I were the only beings in the room to hear the loud deafening crack circling the edge of the child’s almost unbreakable femur. Torture left; I remained. Though I thought my chaos would soon come to an end, I knew hers was just beginning.
As I sat waiting patiently to escape from my prison, the walls of the girl’s body did not bend. I was trapped and then I knew my chaos was not over. I struggled desperately to get out, but soon understood; my journey wouldn’t come to and end until hers was resolved. Enraged, I reached for her muscle tissue longing to watch the abasing effects of my power, but then I stopped myself realizing I could no longer hurt, only help. I had done my damage and she’d failed to listen.
Although Torture had the strength to hurt a young girl the way he did, I had the will and commitment to leave my mark of chronic Pain burning in the girls shoulder and hopefully in her mind. After all, that was my assignment; to teach the helpless girl a valuable lesson: “At every mistake one must suffer Consequence.” The break that came from Torture, that was healable, but the remnants of me would always remain. My shadow would lay over her forever. Only lightening in little amounts when she learned to take care of her body. Even then, the fog would never fully clear. Even now, even after what felt like an eternity stuck in her shoulder, she still couldn’t comprehend anything I’d tried to teach her. The girl was stubborn and headstrong, causing me to remain trapped in this tiresome situation. I gave up fighting my entrapment and became solely focused on balancing in the interior of her quaking body. Bereft of her abilities, she shook destructively as she bawled. Based on records, Torture’s break was the most pain she’d ever felt. Traumatized from all the shaking, I warily pulled myself away from her shoulder, still angry that I couldn’t fully detach from the frustrating girl.
When I stepped out into her world and truly began to discern the disintegrating situation before me, I saw a worried mother holding her daughter to offer comfort. I saw a frantic nurse ushering the poor child medications to somewhat dilute the pain she felt in her leg. I saw a sympathetic woman who tended to the girl’s emotions by simply asking if she was okay. Lastly, I saw a girl sitting in a wheelchair with misery and distress written blatantly on her dour face, but I was the only one in that hospital that could see the perplexing thoughts churning in her mind behind the guise of expressions she wore over her true emotion. She was sobbing, but only I knew why.
As the minutes passed, her weeping lessened until it eventually turned into drugged smile. When I peeled back the layers of her façade, I revealed the same complicated thoughts from earlier that day. It amazed me, this was the first time I’d every seen the girl really accept the Consequences of her own actions.
She wondered, “What did I do? How could I have been so careless? What’s wrong with me? Will I ever be able to walk again?”
The words seemed redundant to me. I had reiterated them in multiple ways so that the helpless girl might understand; yet she never did. I hoped that she would one day find the right answer to all her self-conflictions and truly be able to resolve her broken beliefs. Sitting in the hospital, she began forgetting her other questions and only contemplating one question, with one answer.
“Is my leg broken?”
I heard the question and almost laughed, remembering that I remained the only being aware of her intolerable condition. They did the x-rays and she was granted a reply.
“We found no fractures or breaks.”
Immediately I could see the worry in her eyes begin to fade, her entire face lit up and began to brighten at the doctor’s inaccurate diagnosis.
The doctor added, “But we’d like to get you an MRI to check for an ACL tear.”
The expression on the girl’s face regressed to its original state and from then forward it only got worse. She knew that this injury, the worst of all, would remove her from sports entirely for up to two years. At this recognition, her emotions spun out of control.
Worrying, wondering, waiting.
We did this for another two weeks as we waited to receive the daunting news that came along with the results to her X-ray. It was broken, as I suspected.
Slightly pleased with myself, I whispered to the girl, “You should’ve listened.”
I could see the haunting chill of my words crawl up the spine of her back sending a shiver through her neck. The news broke her.
It tore her emotions to pieces. I watched her weep for the thousandth time and wondered to myself, “How many people have had the opportunity to see tears dropping from these indomitable eyes?” Very few, I know that now. However, I envied her ability to constantly disguise her emotions.
The most dreadful part of the process was over; she’d been proven wrong. This obstinate child had been shown that she was not invincible, but would she ever accept it? When I look back, I can see the awry of it all. Why was this girl Tortured and punished with Pain the way she was, when all she really desired was the ability to be great at something? She possessed the determination to reach any goal she wanted, if we hadn’t gotten in the way, but I suppose that was part of the message I was to relay to her quite some time ago. I appreciate this aspect of her attitude and respect her goals; they were the same as mine. We both needed this to end. This realization made me determined to help her.
Week after week we continued going to physical therapy and she continued regaining her strength. I became her silent encouragement. I was there every time she thought about giving up to remind the girl that this was for her. It was all for her. Her growth in muscle as well as character led to the day that we sat in that doctor’s office one more time.
Drip, Drip, Drip.
We both listened to the droplets of water escaping the sink faucet, breaking the surface tension not only of the water, but also of the silence that filled the anxious air. We sat, nervously waiting in that tiny white room. As we both visualized the answer we’d been longing to receive for so long and what it would feel like to finally hear those victorious words, the Doctor walked in. Everything he said was a blur, for both of us. The only words I can remember watching come out of his mouth were, “You’re cleared to participate in sports.” This was her freedom, and my escape, so I’d thought.
Failing to see the cloud of words that came out of his mouth that day, was the mistake that would lead to the predestined misfortune I was about to experience.
A week later it’s track season. The sound of fabric squeezing and wrapping itself tightly around her foot excited me. I recollected all the things I’d read about the girl’s speed and agility in her file. I wanted, I needed to fly down the dust path with her. I was sure that with this being her first day back in sports it would also be my last day residing in her body. We stepped on to the chalk-marked dirt road together, mentally and physically preparing ourselves for success. When the whistle screeched, we jumped. In full sprint, we were strides ahead of everyone else. The forceful wind rushed through my transparent body as I waited to be lifted, taken away from the imprisonment of the girl’s petite body.
Nothing Happened.
I caught the slightest whispers in the wind. It seemed as if they were yelling at me.
They screamed, “Wait! Take care of her! You should’ve listened! It’s over; it’s all over now. We’re disappointed in you”
In confusion I began to shout at the exhilarated girl, “Stop! Stop running! I was wrong!”
But then I remembered she couldn’t hear me, she could never hear me. Her thoughts and actions were her own; no matter how hard anyone tried. I had failed to show her Consequences through my actions rather than through my thoughts. Then I saw a sight I had never wished for her to encounter again. Agony stepped out of the dried grass field on to the last stretch of the dirt road. I watched the brown hue of despair fly through the air towards her opposite knee. In a desperate attempt to save her I threw myself in front of the powerful affliction. I was not successful; the force went straight through my ghost like skin. I listened and heard the slow grinding of her bones sliding painfully out of place.
I was still trapped, so was she.

I am more like this girl than I would have ever realized. I ignorantly and unknowingly caused torment for the both of us by failing to see my faults. Now, I must suffer my Consequence, for, “At every mistake, one must suffer Consequence.”



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