shine | Teen Ink

shine

January 16, 2018
By Ryan Schroeder, rochester, Michigan
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Ryan Schroeder, Rochester, Michigan
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The author's comments:

this is a rough draft, I only want feed back

CHAPTER 1
Today was dark, an eerie sense flew across my chest overwhelming my body and causing it to shiver as if I was cold. The room was filled with shadows and pits of darkness that appeared to have a mind of their own. (Narrative hook)I looked over at my desk to the right of my bed and saw the folders, drawings, and crumpled pieces of paper. At first I had to remind myself of the numerous ideas I had last night that ‘just had to be written down’. As my eyes wiped across the walls I could also see the different posters I had gotten in previous years, either from a birthday or just something insignificant from a festival or shops along the roads downtown. One, conveyed a lonely cabin surrounded by a nightfall setting of the mountains or a forest. Not much of the other posters had quite the amount of effort put into their creation except for one. On the wall next to my door there is a poster of a man and his family. On the left side there is a father, mother, and a young girl. On the right side there is a boy. The uniform family sits at a table side by side each scribbling something down. The drawings can't be seen, but what stands out the most from this is the boy. The boy alone isn’t the center of a desire to admire, and some would say fear, this poster. It is what is behind him that draws your attention deeper into the intriguing art. Behind the boy is something of nightmares. Out of the twilight or dusk like forest behind them is a monster, or a thing that is reaching out towards the boy. Hoping to pull him into the domain of more sinister ruling. A place the human mind doesn't dare to enter. A place where only the darkest and most terrifying thoughts must be locked away, praying to never be seen or even worse…...come true. (Foreshadowing)After I pulled my eyes away from the inguaging poster I looked to my window, set only feet away from my warm, cozy bed off on the left. The morning sky seemed like that of a movie, dark grey and a sea of blanketing, light grey clouds spread across the window.
As soon as my mind started to drift off again my door, “THUD! THUD! THUD!” It was my mother, she usually has to check on me in the morning to ensure that I don't doze off and miss school’s first half.
    She asks through the oak wood door, “Honey it’s time to get out of the room, you’ve got to get your things together for school.”
I muscle up the energy to respond to her, “Ye….yeah mom. I’m up, I was just about to get out of bed and get dressed.”
As the thin and thick covers slip off my warm, tired body the cold air hits me like a brick. The chilling atmosphere caused me to reconsider my mother’s request. I quickly jumped out of bed and over to the opened closet just off the left corner of my bed. Sliding into a pair of jeans laying on the floor. Then like second nature I grab my dark blue, long sleeve shirt and drag it over my head. The shirt tussles the relatively long, black hair as it finally goes on with one last tug. Then I head over to my desk, sitting facing out away from the wall of drawings and maps behind it. The desk is of my friend Jim’s invention. I had gotten the desk partially built and Jim thought it would be good to put it together. After we did that he had another idea, to add onto the already set design with an elevated bookshelf from the corners of the main table. The original design of this desk was a table like structure except with two platforms coming off the sides and having their own elevated platforms above them. The main table had one trio of drawers on each side of the open space below only it stopped about as high as my ankles. Jim had also rigged this thing to have mini shelves going up the legs of the massive, elevated bookshelf. The idea of having this, to me, seemed a little overkill and unneeded, but Jim does like to tinker with anything he can.
On top of the bookshelf hanging off the corner closest to my bed was a dark leather jacket with a fabric hood. I reached for it and as soon as my hand touched it my mother shouted once more, “HORUKO! Lets Go! You're going to be late!,”
Then added, “and I’m not going to drive you this time.”
Though she was tired and aggravated she still showed her love in other ways, such as cleaning up around the house and always packing, somehow, in my backpack a letter to lift up my spirits for the day. But they never really worked, something would happen that changes any type of feeling I had into the appropriate response in emotion.
I quickly ran around my room, gathering books for school, pens, and pencils. Then I jolted to my desk lunging at anything I thought I might need for the day. I packed my drawing books, writing journals, some well used art supplies, and my partially finished book. The book was something started just out of boredom, but I guess I took interest in it considering I’m all the way to chapter five. (Macguffin)After all the packing, dressing, and awakening I finally made it to actually walking out of my bedroom. Opening the old oak wood door I gazed down the hallway. The hallway was definitely neater than my bedroom. It had all the paintings and family portraits you could think were there. It was dimly lit with only one light in the center between my room and the livingroom. As I walked down the small hallway I tried my best to ignore the pictures. All they did, for some reason, was make me feel more down and tired. The floor was wood, I don't know what tree or even how it got here. We moved into the house when I was really young, I think I was around one or two years old at the time. The house had been built in the early 1900’s and I guess my mother thought that it was the best we could get.(flashback)
I ran out into the living room, grabbed some pieces of bread, lunch meat, and a bag. Quickly throwing ingredients together to make whatever I could call a meal, or anything that could get me through the last half of the day. My mother, standing only a couple of steps from the door, waiting for a hug goodbye.
“Now, today is going to be good no matter what happens, right?” she says with full confidence.
“Yes mom. Don't worry about me.”
Then she engulfed me in her arms giving a huge hug. Then proceeded to open the front door. As I turned from her my eyes saw what I had been trying not to think about for this entire time, the path. A single way path leading through the forest across from my house. They are as dark as the night sky, as mysterious as the ocean’s bottom, and as terrifying as the depths of the human mind.
I took one step forward and my mother shoved me the rest of the way out the doorway, saying a loving goodbye as the door slammed shut. I made my effort to go onto the path. I walked across the street, observing every little thing I could to convince myself that it was safe. Hustling to the path, then stopping, standing in fright of what horrors are taking refuge in the forest. Waiting for an unexpecting meat package to come strolling into their reach. Once I mustered the courage to take this unholy path I ventured, into the domain of fears.
“One step after another, that’s all it takes to get out,” that’s what I kept telling myself.
“One step after--”
There was a faint noise, like something trying to be out of sight, out of mind. Something off to the left suddenly flew out of the woods and across the path.
“Oh! Are you kidding me?!,” I yelled.
It was just a small, furry squirrel attempting to cross the path. My heart was racing at a mile a minute, each beat felt like a firm hand hitting my chest with a hard slap. I started to take deep breaths to calm myself. Then as soon as I calmed down I continued on the dim, mysterious journey. As the path got longer, so did the minutes. Each minute felt like forever, and each step felt like another towards death. The path I had to take to school every morning always made me question my own mortality. My mind would go to many lengths to create the slightest hallucination of something, just outside my point of view waiting there. The path twisted and turned through the ominous woods. Making no effort to easily show the end or even, in some cases, the moon. Our school required that students be there at 6:30 am, and ready for class by 6:45 am. The only reason I’m never late is because I wake up at 5:00 am, and because my mother makes sure that I stay awake. The path itself didn't bother me, at least not during the day coming home. Yet, during the morning, whenever the night sky was cast over, it felt different. Nothing seemed the same, anything I had passed during the day was always creepy and hostile looking in the morning. Continuing on the path got smaller, barely enough room for myself, let alone a biker and I. It appeared as if the woods were desperately trying to consume the path, and anything on it.
After a couple more bends I could see the lights of the school. I realized the trip was almost over. Quickening my speed to a fast paced walk. My only wish was to be out of this forest, anywhere but here.
Only a couple feet from the exit of this nightmare, I heard something behind me, “pit pat pit pat pit pat.” The noise slowly grew louder, until I noticed what it was. It was footsteps, coming up fast, I thought this was it. I turned around to see a figure in all black sprinting towards me at full speed. Fear, total limpness took ahold of me. I couldn't move, this was just like the stories I read. It got closer and closer and closer, I closed my eyes and excepted what would come. How could I counter it? There was nothing I could do, I was paralyzed. It was nearly inches from my face when I heard someone say, “What are you doing Horuko? Why aren't you running or something?” (Eucatastrophe)
It was then that I realized who the figure was, I responded, “Are you serious?! That’s twice I’ve been scared in one morning! You’ve got a condition or something Brook!”
She looked directly at my face and took off the black mask. Revealing the brown, long hair and brown eyes, she looked at me and laughed, “Did you really think that was how you were going to die? By a girl in a mask? Ha ha ha ha!”
I could tell this wasn't the last I would hear of it.
“All I did was run at you with a mask and a darker hoodie on, and you thought you were going to die!,” she continued relentlessly laughing. After a couple of moments of her trying to catch her breathe, and me trying to catch her, we started walking again towards the school. The rest of the way was mostly just pavement from a rounded parking lot designed to fit the busse’s needs. As we reached the silver rust lined double doorway to the school Brook mentioned, “Hey, are you coming to the after school party tonight? The one at Blake’s house.” I paused for a second, she knew the relationship between Blake and myself was just a disaster waiting to strike. I didn't pay any mind to the question though, we were best friends and we would never think about poking wounds of past events.
I replied, “No, we’re still on the ropes about what we think of each other. He isn’t the type of person I would want to hang out with. Besides the point, I have some things I need to do after school anyways. Sorry.”
She stopped remembering the tension we had, “I’m so sorry Horuko, I completely forgot about you guys being pissed at each other! Seriously I didn't want to hurt you by bringing that up! Are we cool?”
When she said that I had a chance to mess with her now, “I didn’t think you had it in you to hurt me like that, how could you do this! I thought we were friends!” Brook was the type to mess with others and not know when she’s being teased herself, so when I had a chance like this it couldn't get away.
“No, no I really didn't Horuko come on you know I wouldn’t even think about hurting you dude!?” She started to get a little more intense as she yammered on. “Ok how about all of us hang at your place tonight, like we used to as kids? With the movies and going outside to see who was the bravest.”
I thought about this and refused saying, “Nah, it’s fine Brook don't worry about it. You guys go and have fun without me. I do need to take care of some things tonight.”
She didn't want to change her mind, once she had an idea or thought then there was no stopping her, “No, we’ll come to your house dude come on. The party’s just going to be fake beer, a fire, and stupid wanna’ be’s. That’s pretty much what happens at every party now.”
Realizing she wasn't going to stop, and I didn't want to put a damper on their night I agreed. She jumped in excitement and took off running down the halls looking for the other guys. My friends Jim, Dan, Brook, and Taylor were the only ones I hung out with. Either after school or on the weekends we would sit around and laugh about stories or share ideas about what we could write about. Even though Jim wasn't the guy to write a whole novel he would never turn down a chance to read one of our books. He loved reading the stories we wrote, with the beasts, quests, legends, horrors in the shadows, romantic fables, and even a bit of thrillers I wrote.



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