You're fine. Everything is fine. | Teen Ink

You're fine. Everything is fine.

September 28, 2022
By JCalafati, Simi Valley, California
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JCalafati, Simi Valley, California
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Author's note:

Jake Calafati is a 9th grade student who attends Oak Park High School. He loves writing, and decided to strengthen his craft in a Creative Writing class. This is the first of many pieces soon to come. He also has a strange fascination with waffles.

I ran down the twisted streets, wondering if the next breath would be my last. The streets of Rome, usually so full of life, were a barren wasteland. Usually, the buildings displayed a colourful array of browns, oranges, and yellows. The air smelled of cinnamon, vanilla, and freshly baked bread. People were engaging in lively chatter, bicycling or walking up and down the streets, and dogs were living their best lives, domesticated or not. Even in the winter, the sun shone down on the cobblestone streets, painting the area in beautiful light. 

Unfortunately, the Rome I was in was nothing like that. Wherever I was – I still refused to think that this was the place I loved – wasn’t the Rome I knew. The Rome I saw was a horror show, a grotesque creation made by the likes of Satan himself. The buildings, usually so bright, looked devoid of all life. The colours were dull and grey, and enormous cracks were spreading up the sides of the walls. There were corpses lining the streets, and the shadows seemed to move if you stared at them too long. Even the roads, once a comfort for many, were cracked and destroyed. They looked as if the ground was swallowing them whole. I kept running, knowing I couldn’t let it get to me, knowing that it would desecrate the place I held so dearly. I couldn’t let it destroy me like it had destroyed my home.

Suddenly, I heard a crashing noise from behind me. I knew that it had caught up. I ran faster, trying with all my might to escape the beast that had ruined my life. As soon as the noise appeared, it left with no trace. I stopped running, surveying my surroundings, listening for the sound of something, anything that might clue me into what was happening. I was met with silence. All I could hear was the sound of my breathing, a rapid pant as my body recovered from the running. I felt my legs go numb. My head hit the ground with a crash, a sound that left tremors running through my bones. The light around me slowly disappeared, replaced by spinning colours and frantic voices.

As I fell – who knew where – I heard voices. Screaming, crying, people shouting my name, over, and over, and over, and over, and—

I sat up, desperately pushing blankets off me, trying to break free of the confines of my bed. I spent a couple of minutes trying to control my breathing. You're fine. Everything is fine. The same mantra repeated through my head, and after so many times, I almost believed it. Almost. Thinking about it made it worse. Every part of me wanted to run, to flee, sure that the creature was chasing me.

Despite it only being a dream, part of it felt so real, and I couldn’t shake the feeling it had left inside me. I was going crazy. Not literally, of course, but that dream had left an imprint on me, a little bundle of fear and panic, one that, when given the time, would grow and fester, similarly to a wound. I still felt the strange falling sensation, but, ignoring my distress, I took a deep breath. I still had to prepare for the day ahead. I knew this was going to be a long day.

I walked into school, quickly navigating through the labyrinthine halls. I dodged students, staff, and the occasional bike. The school was large, almost the size of a college campus, offering a wide range of classes, most of which were vacant. I paused to righten my books – they were practically falling out of my hands after weaving through crowds. I looked up and saw something incredible. The school was a pile of rubble, a collapsed and dilapidated building, one waiting to be consumed by nature. Vines curled around the half-formed walls like a portcullis. The vines were squirming, struggling to hold the structure together.

I rubbed my eyes, sure that I was seeing something, that this was just a trick of the light. To my delight, it was. 

After opening my eyes, the creature had disappeared, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that whatever I had seen was something – or someone – that I had met before. I repeated the same mantra as earlier, You're fine. Everything is fine. Over and over until my head throbbed. All I wanted was to tell myself everything would be fine. I wanted so badly to sink into the bliss of ignorance. To let myself bask in the glory of not knowing.

 I wanted so badly to believe it, wanted so desperately to cling to my lies. But at some point, the lies had to stop. That point was not right now.

I ducked into my class. I was just in time. The bell rang just seconds after I had walked through the door. My teacher began the day with the same lecture she had used for several weeks. I was starting to regret taking physics. I don’t know why, but ever since taking this class, I lost all interest in the topic I held so dear. Out of nowhere, I had the feeling that someone was watching me. Their eyes bored into the back of my neck, and I felt them searing into my soul, more and more with each passing second. I glanced back, and yet no one was looking anywhere near me. The teacher continued her lecture, the monotony slowly lulling me into dark oblivion.

I woke up, and no one was in the classroom. The lights were off, and the cracked walls filtered the rays of the setting sun. All the desks – except mine – were destroyed. Seemingly thrown across the room or pummelled into bits. There was dust covering the floor, a mixture of sawdust, stones, and shrapnel. I looked around in confusion. Common sense would tell me to stay silent and hide. Common sense would keep me safe. Curiosity won over common sense. 

I walked down the hallway, usually small, now an impossibly tight fit, an obstacle course to avoid shattered glass, cracks, and twisted ankles. I made my way down the twisting halls. It was a struggle, but eventually, I made my way to the entrance. When I did, I let out a gasp. 

The central staircase, usually a marvellous design showcasing modern Roman architecture, was now a crumbling ruin. The shattered stairs strung themselves in a beautiful display. They were a web of sorts, dangling from the walls, ceiling, and floor. Despite the destruction, I found myself admiring its beauty. 

What could have done this? The falling sensation grew.

There were flashes of images in my mind. A picnic basket. A family. A picturesque countryside. People, so many people. A cliff. The falling sensation grew.

I tried to scream for help. There had to be someone, anyone, around to do something. I couldn’t be the only one left, could I? Then, as soon as the flashes arrived, they disappeared. All I could see was white light. The falling sensation had stopped, and I felt numb all over. My chest started to throb. Colourful lights danced before my eyes. Slowly, the light blurred. All of these images felt so familiar, but why? I sprinted home, nearly bumping into people left and right. I was frantic, trying to escape whatever was in the school. I ran through the streets of Rome, feeling a strange sense of deja vu. I looked around. No one was there. This was familiar. I became frantic, expecting to feel the pinch or see the creature, or something. But nothing happened. I looked around at the barren street. I hadn’t gone down this street often, but my dream had rendered it in amazing detail. Everything was as it was. Well, except for one thing. I looked at the door, not too suspicious, just an ordinary wooden door. As with the class nightmare, I felt a wave of curiosity crash over me. 

I sat there for a second, letting the sheer curiosity consume my very soul, before grabbing the doorknob and twisting it. The world was spinning, blurring. The forms that had once been the streets of Rome had stretched, as if liquified. It all was spinning around me as if drawn in by a gravitational force. Everything blended into one solid colour, twisting and writhing, a beast waiting to be unleashed.

I tried to let out a scream, some sort of sound. I even felt a throbbing in my throat, but no air escaped my mouth. I didn’t even hear a sound. This was how I was going to die. I sat in misery, awaiting the creature, for it would surely kill me. I glanced up, the colours had started to form an object in front of me. An arch of sorts, an entry into someplace new. I wasn’t sure I was even surprised at this point. 

This was my chance. I didn’t know if I wanted answers, though. This whole ordeal was confusing, it was strange, it was horrifying, but what would I learn in my search for answers? I figured, at this point, I had nothing left to lose. Alright, I’m ready for the truth. I took a step through the door and plunged into the darkness below.

I was not, in fact, ready for the truth. Even after landing on solid ground, I still felt the sensation of falling. I hadn’t even noticed that I stopped feeling it. I ran through the darkness, passing large blobs of colour. Memories. Time seemed to slow down. I saw blurred scenes from my childhood. Scenes that felt so right, that made so much sense. I was growing up, living my life. All these memories. They were all of me, but why did they feel so distant? 

In every single one, there was one thing in common. A dark shadow had been creeping over me, slowly getting larger as time went on. I had experienced birthdays, holidays, school, family, friendships, parks, pools, stadiums, podiums, England, wait… England? I lived in England. The streets of Rome, despite their unfamiliarity, had been my comfort zone. Pisces started falling into place, my life was but a scattered jigsaw puzzle.

It’s the truth.

I gulped. I had to go on. In every memory I witnessed, the shadow was always lurking there. Any time I tried to tell people what I saw, they didn’t believe me. I started to go crazy. My whole life… This thing, whatever it was, had been following me. I looked up ahead. The memories were getting more recent. They all felt so familiar, but why couldn’t I distinctly remember any of them? 

They kept escalating, and the shadows had taken form. Creatures, demons almost, lurking around me, wishing me harm. I had tried to run but often ran into walls that appeared and disappeared randomly. My parents began to get worried. My… parents. They hadn’t been with me in Rome. I didn’t question it, but looking back, that should have been the first sign. 

I kept going, desperate for answers, ignoring the throbbing in my head, chest, and back. I could barely feel my legs. I trudged on, seeing people transform before my eyes. One second they were humans, the next they were creatures of the underworld. Infernal beings that wished me harm. It all started coming back. Despite the throbbing in my body, I trudged on, slower this time. I couldn’t feel anything from the waist down. I wanted the answers. I needed the answers. I just had to move a little farther.

The demons had gotten worse, I wasn’t able to live my life without them. They loomed over me in swarms, all aimed to make my life a waking nightmare. Then I gasped. My family was having a picnic. We had just hiked a mountain, and we sat around a blanket. We even had the stereotypical basket. Then, one of the demons whispered in my ear. I don’t know what he said, but I could tell that it rattled me. I could see the landscape shifting. Rome. The shadows had spread and covered everything. I saw myself start running. The demon let me run a few yards before chasing me. I heard yelling, people screaming at me to stop moving, but the demon was upon me, I kept running, and running, and running until…

The shadows all receded, faster than I could even comprehend. I was falling, I had run off the cliff. The world seemed to move in slow motion as I watched myself descend from the heavens. I looked almost graceful, floating down from above. I looked down, the fall had to be at least a couple hundred feet. My memories started flooding back. I was trying to escape the horrid creatures that I kept seeing. I was running, thinking that I was actually in Rome. I had run off a cliff.

The truth, you wanted it. Remember?

My eyes widened. This couldn’t be, that would mean…

My whole life had been a lie. Everything I thought I knew was false. There was no Rome, there was no school, and pretty soon, there wouldn’t be a me anymore.

I had a Matrix dilemma. Live with the painful truth or these blessed lies. I didn’t know how I could choose. I couldn’t fathom why anyone would choose to die, but living a life that isn’t yours? Is that any better? I stared at my hands, wishing the choice was as simple as popping a pill. I sighed. My legs were numb, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to walk. As if on cue, the mantra returned to my head. You're fine. Everything is fine. Yeah, like that was going to help now. I hadn’t believed my lies before, was now any time to start?

Wait, was it? You're fine. Everything is fine. The phrase kept getting louder and louder, trying to block out all conscious thought. Was it really that bad to keep living, even if it was a lie? You're fine. Everything is fine. I mean, Rome wasn’t that bad, was it? You're fine. Everything is fine. I could be happy, maybe even make a life there. You're fine. Everything is fine. Even the corrupted Rome had a beauty to it. You're fine. Everything is fine. If I stayed in Rome, everything would be fine… You're fine. Everything is fine. As long as I lived, everything would be fine. You're fine. Everything is fine. I let the phrase drown out my thoughts, welcoming the bliss of ignorance.

The shadowy figure watched in silence as the choice was made. This wasn’t the first time, nor would it be the last. It’s in human nature to be scared of the truth. To want to believe that everything is fully and truly fine. But it isn’t. The creature watched as the human had slowly been engulfed by the shadows, sinking back into the delusion they called their life. 

You’re fine, everything is fine.

Or is it?

...



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