As I was reading on a website about personality types, I learned that ESFJ’s “sense of right and wrong” wrestles with an “overwhelming, rescuing mothering drive.” As an opinionated person, I’m always wanting to share my views on different ideas, such as a text in english or during a discussion in history. Although, when it comes to making decisions, I have trouble with whether to go with my gut opinion or my sense of right and wrong. By right and wrong I mean that sense of what’s really the right thing to do versus the wrong thing. It’s like the cartoons of the little people on your shoulder, arguing with each other and you’re just sitting there thinking, what do I do? For example, last week I had the choice to go with my friends to a party or to go with my family to a football game. I knew what I really wanted to do but I was debating on if it was the right choice or not. In the end, I chose to go with my gut opinion despite what my brain was telling me was right or wrong. I went to the party even though the football game might not have been the right choice since I could spend time with my family. Through this, I guess I’m implying that the opinionated choice is the wrong choice is the wrong choice. Meaning, when I have two choices, the thing I really want to do is implied as the wrong choice. But why is it considered the wrong choice? It could be because opinions have a reputation of being contradicting, or it could be because as humans, especially teenagers and children, we often want or crave things that are not healthy for our mental or physical well being.

Going further on the prospect of judgement and decision making, I’ve found that the time in my life when I’ve had to make serious decisions has been during my middle school years. Peer pressure from my friends has had a strong effect on my decisions and I might have thought something was a bad idea but my friends were doing it, so I did it anyway. For example, several times it’s gone through my head, Well, they’re doing it, so it should be fine, from eating habits to clothing and more. For some people this prospect of peer pressure affecting judgement can go farther and end up leading to bad habits such as addiction, so I’m slowly learning to not let my friends make all my choices for me. Another reoccurring issue for me is making a joint decision. I find that with some of my friends, I have trouble making decisions because I don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings. For example, scenarios come up a lot where a friend and I are trying to decide what to, and we both claim we don’t care.

Reflecting on this, is it really because I don’t want to make my friend do something she doesn’t want to do or is it because I don’t want to pick the wrong choice, as in the choice that I might get looked down upon for or that would have a bad effect? It seems like the second is more relatable to my situation, since I am constantly self-conscious and thinking about what other people think of me.

Up until several years ago,  I never really had to make decisions for myself. My parents would always decide where we were going or when my friend was coming over. Now, as I am growing and maturing, making decisions has become part of daily life. If my friend and I want to hang out, it’s going to be up to us to decide when and where, not our parents. Along with healthy decision making comes that sense of right and wrong as well as overwhelming opinions, and that is often where I end up. With those two forces contradicting each other and other forces such as peer pressure having an effect on my decisions.

The human metrics website states that ENFJs “enjoy being in charge.” I often find myself leading group discussions or group work. For example, during Socratic Circle discussions, I feel as though I always have something to say or a question to ask. I like this about me because it shows that I am an opinionated person, which is also supported by my previous writing. Going back to decision making, leaders are often observed as having good judgement or decision making skills. But from my experience this is not always the case. I’ve found that leaders often have a stronger opinion rather than a strong sense of right and wrong. As a leader, I often ask questions based on what I thought the text or topic and am always willing to share my views. This does not necessarily mean that I have strong decision making skills. I told one of my friends that I am writing partially about leadership. She then told me that she did not consider me a leader. I thought about it, and later came to the conclusion that my friends ideas about my personality can contradict my ideas. A lot of people are so focused on their own lives that they do not notice who a person really is. The only person who really knows me is myself. It does not worry me that my friends don’t see me in the same way I do.

Does being opinionated make me selfish? I’ve found that in my friend group, we’re all very opinionated and often have dissenting views on many things. This doesn’t necessarily make us selfish if we’re thinking more about our ideas than each other’s. This is something that we can all be aware of as opinionated people. For example, in socratic circles, sometimes I forget to listen to other people because I’m so ready to share my opinion. I’ve found, through this, as well as trying to use good judgement, that sometimes I just need to step back and think about things that could be hindering me in the process of judgement, whether that be peer pressure or getting caught up with what’s inside my head, such as a contradicting opinion. Almost like scouting out the dangers to get a sense of what’s holding me back. So how can I tie all this back together to help me make better decisions? After contemplating what really incapacitates me from making a strong decision, I’ve decided that most of the time, it’s what people would think of me. This makes sense, too, because I’ve always been self conscious. For example, At horse shows, I’m constantly afraid that I’m going to get last place. It’s not because I’m going to be disappointed in myself. Obviously, I’ve set goals for how I want to place, but frankly, I could care less if I get a low placing. Instead, I’m scared because I don’t know what people are going to think of me. As humans, we always consider the worst and best possible scenarios. For me, the worst possible scenario in this example would be getting last place and having my friends, family, and teachers think I’m not good enough. It sounds silly, but inside my head it is a big deal. It’s the same thing with making decisions. If I make the wrong decision, what is my friend going to think of me?

Compassion also plays in because often times I think, maybe she won’t enjoy herself as much as if we were doing something she chose instead of me. So in the future, when making a decision, I have learned that I need to step back and think, they’re the ones who let me make the decision. I’m not being selfish by using judgement, I am showing confidence. I am expressing my opinion. I am being a leader.