Nutrition Facts of Slow Walkers
4 steps on the heel
Serving Size 2/3 glances at the clock

Amount per serving
Calories 600(because you walk so slow you only gain)
% Daily Value*
Total Phat Steps 0g 0%
Unnecessarily Small Steps 478g 100%
Making Everyone Else Late 10 inner screams 2000%
Being Internally Cursed Out 6 curse words 400%
Watching Snapchat Stories While Walking 2g 35%
Only Walking Slow When Others Are In A Rush 5 cups 25%
Stopping To Take Golden Hour Selfies 50 ig likes 65%
Editing A VSCO Pic 3 F2 filters 45%
Sipping On A Hot Dunks Coffee 76g 15%
Tweeting About Ariana Grande & Pete Davidson 1 omg 12%
Complaining About How Cold It Is 6 brrs 8%
Commenting SLAYY On Your Friends Photo 100 likes 68%
Complaining About A Boy Who Left You On Read 1g 9%
Total “OH MY GAWDS” On The Phone 37g 14%
Dietary Fiber 2 tons of loaded crap 20%
Stopping In The Walkway To Tie A Shoe 666g 7%
Changing Songs 8 mg 10%

Calcium 6000000 mcg -.2%
Potassium 0 (more bananas less Dunks) 0%
Iron 0 (more like Iran- I wish you would) 0%
Vitamin D too much- I’ve been outside too long now 100%

*The % Daily Value (DV) tells you how often these incidents occur
In daily serving and how it contributes to a daily diet of irritation,
tardiness, and stress.