I was lying in my bed watching the sun crawl across the wall, and it made me realize how relentlessly time drifts by. It also made me wonder whether or not I’m wasting my time —what was I waiting for? The answer to that is dinner, I’m waiting for dinner to be ready at the commons. Which made me wonder, what else I am waiting for? I’m waiting for the semester to be over so I can pack up and go home. I’m waiting to finish college, so I have adequate experience to get a job. I’m waiting to hear from another college on whether or not I’m accepted, so I can celebrate, and decide whether or not I’ll ask this girl out on a date this coming break. What happens if all of these things come, and play out the way I desire them to? What will I wait for then? Will I have time to wait? Should I even be waiting, and if not, what should I be doing?

Suppose the answer would be to find another hill to climb, but why? If my whole life is just climbing hills until I die, then isn’t it pointless? There will always be another hill to climb, but it seems like a waste of time, but so does doing nothing. Both activities are just ways to bide your time, one is an active one, and one is inactive. You could say that by climbing hills and moving through life, you can help others. My question, however, is help them do what? Climb more hills?

I guess that’s where religion comes in, it gives people a purpose, something to strive for, the promise of an afterlife. What if there is an afterlife, won’t it just be the same thing, just longer? If the world is the tutorial level, then the afterlife a game. Everyone gets sick of a game with enough time.

If there isn’t an afterlife, then is everything meaningless? Or is it more meaningful than ever? Everything you do for yourself means nothing because one day you will be gone. Everything you do for the world has the potential to mean everything because it can have a positive effect on generations to come. The question I expect would then be, are your actions a leaf floating on the ocean swallowed by the waves; or are they a leaf onto the pond, creating ripples with the potential to change the future? Even then, isn’t it still to some extent meaningless? Everything will eventually come to an end via heat death. And even if it didn’t come to an end, then would nothing you do matter, because you would always have an eternity to fix it? I guess that’s where selfishness comes in because everyone always wants what’s better for them, they strive to make themselves more comfortable, which in turn has the potential to make humanity more comfortable.

But is comfort the equivalent to betterment? I’ve been in comfort my entire life, and I’m not so sure.