A modest proposal to bring back the 1% of the population that is projected to cease to exist in the generations to come so the world can be blessed by their beauty once more.

As we know, the population of these unique animals is close to ending. If this happens, the world would be rid of the beauty of these creatures. While occasionally they may be violent, and sometimes irritable, it would be such sweet sorrow to see a beautiful species end in such a tragic way, since there are more dying than being born. The conditions to breed such a magnificent and glorious creature are hard and rare, which adds to the stress of producing more.

I am, of course, talking about gingers. Gingers are dying by masses, and there’s only one person to blame, themselves. The only way to truly ensure that a ginger will be produced is by having two redheads create a baby. Being a ginger is to have natural reddish hair and an attitude that follows.

There are precisely six reasons why keeping redheads around are a good idea. First, they are rare. Gingers are a genetic mutation that is only produced through having two parents with the recessive gene MC1R in their bloodline. Second, a study showed that bees tend to sting redheads, which means the more there are, the more likely you won’t be stung. Third, Red hair can occur in any ethnicity, though it is typically traced back to European countries. Fourth, due to their low melanin, redheads produce their own Vitamin D in low light situations. Thus meaning there will be more space on the beach if there were more redheads. Fifth, in the Bible it says that  Mary and Eve were both redheads. This proves a red head’s significance if you follow the beliefs of the bible. Lastly, redheads don’t gray, which means more hair dye on the shelves!

Redheads are said to be ill-tempered and manipulative. While this may be true, that can be said for anyone, as the color of hair doesn’t dignify personality. Additionally, it was thought of that redheads were demons for numerous reasons. One, it is found that typically they are left-handed, which used to mean that they were devils. Also, since Gingers didn’t need to go out in the sun as often, they were thought to be vampires. Rest assured gingers aren’t monsters, but rather mutants, due to their genetic modification.

Overall, Gingers should be protected at all costs. They should not be written into history textbooks like the dinosaurs, but however, thought of to be the future of the world. This being said, I, myself am a ginger, but as I am much too young, it’s clearly not my responsibility to add to the population of red hair.