You think you'll be so happy, so in love, so special. It will be so mature and wonderful, so mysterious. You will have the world at your feet and a reputation as well. I'm not talking about the guy who slept with his girlfriend last night, or the guy who has every girl at his mercy: I'm talking about the girl.

I speak from truly too much experience when I say that lust and love are not the same. A sexual relationship is not fun, not special or wonderful when you're not ready. You don't feel mature or loved; you feel frightened and alone. Even if he's the best guy in the world and you've been going out since you were three, and feel "I'm ready." You're not! I thought I was; I thought I'd be so grown up, so prepared. Wrong!

I'm not saying that to be held, caressed and kissed is not enjoyable or acceptable, but sex before you're ready is confusing and painful.

How does reputation fit into all this? Even if you truly believe that he won't tell anyone, or that you would never tell anyone: wrong again. Someone, somewhere, is going to know what you did and who it was with. You flinch every time someone says anything. You hear things, we all know what I mean, and even if you have nothing to do with them, you suddenly find yourself paranoid and afraid. It hurts when friends call you names, when the ones you told laugh and are the ones you hear behind your back.

I'm only 15 and have had to make too many decisions that would change my life forever. I do mean forever, you never forget, and neither does anyone else. n