In the English and German languages, the name Emma means whole or universal. It means passion and a mix of joy and sadness. It is like a mix of different emotions. The color orange. It is the sound my sister makes when she is hard at work on a beautiful drawing, sounds of humming. 

“You get it from my grandma,” my dad says. She too, a confident individual, was known to make everyone feel welcomed and a part of everything. As a German mother, she knew right from wrong, and how to emphasize that with her children. She was known to be a powerful leader and a strong mother. 

Never have I met my great-grandmother, but I do know that we would have been more alike than anyone else. So confident, so full of emotions. She knew when to speak up at the right times, so much she helped debate for the highest levels of authority while living in Germany. 

Constantly debating others was not the easiest thing to do all the time. It started to tamper with her emotions, one day she would be filled with joy, and one day she would not feel so good about herself. You never really knew how she was going to react. That is the one thing that made it hard for others to adapt to. 

Sometimes I wonder if she ever felt guilty about being sensitive. Although she could not help the way her emotions were going to be set off, I wonder if it ever bothered her. To sit in her room and stare at the blank ceiling with no fixtures at all must have felt lonely. I get a sense that she tried to hold back some of the emotions because of family. The love, the passion she had.  I have her name, yet not the strength to be strong for others as she did.

At school, there are too many Emma’s to count. An Emma in at least every one of my classes, all besides two. “Emma, are you ready to present?” 

In sync at least two of us would answer, “Yes.” I would laugh it off, but really I was nothing but frustrated. Ever since I moved I have wanted to be named Rome. You might think who names their kid Rome? That is my point. It is different, I want to be different. I envision a world being Rome, although I am still Emma.