I am putting this out there, because my little cousin just came to me with this problem and I can’t let her go through the same as I have. So I am here to tell all of you about my experience, so that maybe it will help others, so what happened to me, won’t happen again.

In the summer of 2010, with all of the technology there is, Facebook, MySpace, twitter, Skype, email, and even gaming sites, and PlayStation network, Xbox live, all of that. It is very easy to pretend who you aren’t. Now I don’t want to take this time to tell you all about internet safety, we all have heard it a thousand times. Well what I want to say is that, well I was one of those kids that thought yea I’ve heard the speech I know how to be safe and know what to do and not do to. But I thought I knew what I was doing, and I got in way over my head.

I am a smart and keep to herself kind of girl. That also meant, feeling alone, I was going to be a junior in high school and never had a date, or boyfriend and I thought that something was wrong with me, or them for not seeing me. So when I was on PSN (PlayStation network) there was a guy who was being nice to me, telling me what I had waited so long to hear. He told me that he was 17 and lived in Arizona and he was telling the truth. We were talking and he was a pretty cool guy, than he was telling me that I was cool and sweet, that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. At first I was saying no way, and there’s no point, how can we be a couple if were so far away, it won’t be real, and that’s what I really wanted. To have someone, physically be here for me, when I needed them.

He kept asking me and pushing, I will be totally honest with you guys, part of me was thrilled, here was this guy, hundreds of miles away pushing to be with me, and he hasn’t even seen me, when the guys that are here and I go to school with want nothing to do with me. I thought what the big deal is, I won’t tell him where I live, so how harmful can it be? I’m not putting myself in any physical danger. And this is when I really messed up and let my guard down, we went on for a few weeks talking and it was fun, I found this feeling that I had been missing, it wasn’t real though. After three weeks he said the magic words ‘I love you’, and I completely freaked out! How in the world can this guy that I’ve only talked to for three weeks, and never met say he loves me? After some arguments I caved once again because as far as I knew, he was the only one to care, even though I was wrong I didn’t know it at the time.

Everything changed that night I didn’t quite feel the same that I was, it wasn’t just me that changed, and he did as well, expected more from me because he said those three little words. A few nights later he decided to start “sexting” me, in all honesty I thought it was kind of funny. I didn’t understand what he was really doing, just saying a bunch of things and I found it kind of funny that some guy would be doing this to a stranger, didn’t he feel embarrassed or something? Than once again he wanted more, pictures, I said no way you’re out of your mind. I can proudly say that I stayed strong on that and didn’t lose my pride on it, but that didn’t stop him from sending me pictures. That’s when I got freaked out and said this is too much and gone too far. I called it off said good-bye and best of luck and that was the end, or so I thought.

Three nights later he came back saying, “I can’t live without you” “I need you” “I love you”; I just got more freaked out. I didn’t know what to do, how do you get someone you don’t want to leave you alone? I tried everything, being nice, trying to explain what I was feeling, nothing worked. So I thought what if he got mad at me? Than HE wouldn’t want to talk to me or be with me, right? I came up with the thing that I knew would drive anyone off and enough so that he wouldn’t ‘care’ about me anymore. I told him I spent the night with a guy friend, and we slept in the same bed, and we kissed, while the other guy and I were still together. Well I was right he was so mad, we argued from 11 pm to 6 am the next morning. Slept for 3 hours, and started right back up again, from noon to 11 pm, stopped for a few hours and I thought it was over with and I was done with him. Yet again I was so wrong, the worst was had just begun.

He came back, saying he was sorry for yelling and being mad he understands not everything is controllable, and all the same stuff as before. Than everything took a huge twist. This is the part I need you all to listen to and the point of my story. He started to have doubts about himself, and saying he wasn’t worth it, no point in living if I wasn’t in his life, he was trying to get me back and in my head, than he said the words I will never forget, ‘maybe I should just cut myself, no one will care, you don’t so why would anyone else’ after this is when I started crying, I was on the phone with him, and I could hear his muffled scrams. He can hear me crying, and I was so afraid that I wanted to hang up, and never come back to this. Something wouldn’t let me, I didn’t know what to do, but I couldn’t let go, what if he hurt himself because of me. Three more hours went on trying to convince him that it wasn’t worth it. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. He started talking about suicide, already pushed to my limits I didn’t know what to do. I remembered about his sister and I sent her a message on MySpace, telling her, she didn’t believe me and thought I was just crazy. What could I do? I remembered he had used his mom’s phone to text me one day, I could get ahold of her and tell her, but I deleted the number. I couldn’t call the police; I didn’t know where he lived. I was stuck. Nothing was getting better and I was already broken down, all my friends were asleep, except for one, who was so helpful after this all happened.

After as much thinking as I could do, I decided I did all that I could and I can’t keep up with this anymore, so I made a really heard choice. I told him good-bye and best of luck, and hung up. I lay in bed shaking a crying. I felt like I failed him, but deep down I knew I did all that I could. After many cancelers they told me I did way more than anyone would have done. I never heard from him again. A year later I got a message form his sister, informing me that an hour after I hung up on him.


3 A.M on July 21st, 2010 in Arizona, he hung himself…

His sister blames me for his death but I did everything thing I could of, after that night I was destroyed, didn’t trust anyone, afraid it could happen again, and it got in the way of a really important relationship. Even though people seem ok and can take advantage of a situation, bad things can still happen.

Moral of my story is please PLEASE be careful about what you do on the internet, and even if you know all about safety, I hope my story can help you and give you a better understanding, don’t let what happened to me, happen to you or the ones you love.