If I were to be asked, a year ago, how I thought my junior year would mature me as a person, my answer would be in a totally different ballpark of expectations. The last eighteen months have been so revolutionary towards my development into becoming an adult; despite, the rather unorthodox path. Of the past 18 months certain situations that have matured my conscience and made a huge impact on my outlook on life stand out above most of my other memories. A life threatening syndrome has crystallized my favorite quote, “Live as if you die tomorrow. Dream as if you live forever.”, into my everyday life. Perhaps the most cultivating life lesson I learned was in a new living situation that tested my personal strength to stay true to my own beliefs and virtues. These two situations have matured my conscience and exposed the sometimes-ugly truths of life thus making this a coming of age year.

In November of 2011 I had to have surgery on my heart or I could have had a heart attack anywhere at anytime. Before the surgery my life was on an axis that revolved around swimming. I was not involved in any other extra curricular activities and did not hang out with anyone from school that often; however, not because I did not have opportunities to do so but because I simply did not want to. I put swimming first: in front of school, friends and even seeing my dad on vacations. When I came out of the surgery the doctor told me that when they cause an episode of the syndrome my heart was beating at a rate of above 400 beats per minute. My mind was racing at a million miles per hour with questions and confusion. I remember asking the doctor,
“What do you mean 400 beats per minute?” I confusedly question.
She replied “Out of the 30 years of doing this procedure I have never operated on a patient, that when we cause an episode, had a heart rate of over 385.”
What she followed with next is when my favorite quote was crystallized into my brain:
“You are lucky to be alive. I hope you understand how valuable life is and I also hope, whatever it is you decide to do, you live as if you die tomorrow.”
When I heard what she said, I was at a lost for words so a gazed look and a head nod was all I could return. I woke up the next morning with my favorite quote written on a napkin under a donut. It was the best donut I had ever tasted and I savored every last bite. Leaving the hospital I immediately was a more passionate, involved person that was on an axis that revolved around the more important aspects of life: family, friends and happiness. I planned to change many aspects of my everyday life but I knew I had to have a better relationship with my Dad.

When I decided to live with my dad for my junior and senior year, I knew I was in for a new school, new friends and a living situation much different than what I was use to; however, I did not expect to come into a situation that would test my personal strength in staying true to my beliefs and virtues. I found a great group of friends that I really liked and school was off to a great start. Living with my Dad was as great as I thought it would be despite how much my step mom and I did not get along. From when I was a toddler I remember admiring my Papa for his kindheartedness. He was able to find the best in anyone and everyone he met. Ever since, I have tried to model myself after him and the only person I have ever had trouble with was my step mom. She would become verbally abusive to win an argument or when she tried to get a point across and given that I came from a household where the way Michelle, my step mom, acted was far from the norm I had no idea how to handle myself. To this day I recall a bantering session Michelle gave me at Village Pizzeria when she rudely called me out about the current state of my room:
“Your f*ing room looks like s***! There are books everywhere and your laundry is full!”
The way she yapped at me made me feel as if I was worse then infertile dirt. As if I was good for nothing. I remember thinking to myself: Wow. She is mad about this? I cannot even imagine if my trashcan was full. I chuckled and showed a hint of a smile that I am sure pissed her off even more. She then turned to my dad, brother and stepsister as if everything she just said was perfectly fine to say to a stepchild. When a person is so volatile, ugly and rude it takes a lot more of self-control to be the better person than I thought. I began to bottle things up and when it that bottle became to full I would usually released the negative aggression into positive outlets such as: exercise or playing sports. However when my Dad was gone for a week and it was only my step mom and I at the house. My bottle was full and there was a huge party that night, I remember thinking how I just wanted to forget about my home life for a night. Now granite I do party and most of the time that involves drinking I am always responsible, however that Saturday night I was not. I had lots of hard alcohol and got really drunk. I partied and danced until the next think I knew the alarm I forgot I set reminded me I had to be home in 5 minuets. I ran the ten blocks in 5 minuets, perhaps faster, to get home on time. Michelle was not even downstairs so I was filled with both joy and regret, joy that I didn’t have to deal with her passive aggressive questions to see if I had been drinking and regret that I ran so fast. I went up the stairs to my room, entered the bathroom and turned on the light.
“What the f***…” I was looking in the mirror in pure disgust at what I saw…my reflection. I remember gazing for a few seconds before saying something else. I continued with:
“What the hell are you doing man?! YOU use to make fun of the people who act like you are behaving now!!!!!”
Tears were staring to fall off my cheeks when I decided then and there I was going to turn my life back around. I had let a person abuse me to the point that I had endangered my well-being. That was never going to happen again. Despite my disliking for Michelle I really tried my hardest to appreciate the good advice she gave me from time to time and not to concentrate on what I do not like about her. It would have certainly been easier to hate Michelle and not want anything to do with her but I am a better person than that so I stayed true to my own beliefs and virtues and continued on to work on the relationship.

I will be finishing my junior year seventeen years of age and full of learned life lessons that will prepare me for the rest of my life. I will continue to live my life as if I might die tomorrow and keep my dreams fueling my ambition towards anything I wish to accomplish. I will find the best in people without endangering myself. I will be the best that I can be and from now on when I am exposed to an ugly truth of life I will come out of the situation with a more matured conscience and adapted outlook on life that will benefit me for future situations.