When I stumbled upon a Facebook group called “waking up in the morning and feeling like P. Diddy,” I couldn’t help but become a fan. But probably not for the reasons that you think. I am perfectly aware that that popular American music is crap, as a rule, and the reason that the industry is able to sell the public on garbage like “Tik Tok” by Kesha, is because when you mix the immature messages, unnecessary sex appeal, and general stupidity with a catchy beat, it miraculously passes as music.
I don’t even think Kesha’s a real name now that I think about it. And I’m not entirely sure what the dollar sign through the ‘S” is doing. We know that America has become an image-obsessed, but is putting the universal symbol for money in the middle of one’s name really necessary? Also, the words “tick” and “tock” have C’s in them. That makes them real words. It’s okay Kesha, most of America can’t spell either.

Kesha first appeared in Flo Rida’s “Right Round,” but nobody knew she even existed because she was not credited, and did not receive any money for the part. I honestly thought that scratchy, annoying voice backing up Flo Rida’s meaningless words was Katy Perry (who’s first single famously stated, “I kissed a girl and I liked it”). Kesha actually appeared in the music video for this song, but was not credited for that either. The world works in funny ways sometimes.
After Kesha’s entrance into the American world of popular music (which, it would seem, does not require any sort of special talent, just a lot of money or a pretty face), Tik Tok reached number one in five countries. Her first album, Animal, debuted at number one as well. Congrats Kesha, in a country where money means success, sex is a media tool, and intelligence is frowned upon, you are number one. Empty lyrics, shallow messages, and shameless promiscuity -- looks like you have every component necessary to make it to the top.
Tik Tok plays on 107.9 The End roughly every thirteen minutes. You may say that comparing this to such mind-control as seen in 1984 by George Orwell may be going too far, but honestly when something as numbing as this song plays in your head repetitively for a week and three days, you start to wonder what it’s doing to your IQ.
This morning, an eight-year-old girl was phoned from 107.9 to discover that she had won tickets and backstage passes to Justin Beiber. After she stopped screaming and crying into the receiver and describing her future wedding to the rising pop star, Tik Tok blared through the speakers, tainting this little girl’s ears. It’s comforting to know that the message we are sending the young women of our future is to kick the dudes to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger, and to party till the po-po shut you down. Solid advice Kesha, keep it up.
Historically, Kesha has puked in Paris Hilton’s closet after crashing her party, and broken into Prince’s home so she could give him her demo, because she was desperate for the fame that would come from her big break. Let’s just say Prince never contacted her. The future is wide open for this girl, and her next single, already on the rise, is titled “Blah Blah Blah.” I guess she couldn’t think of anything more creative. Its okay though, because that’s all anyone hears when she sings anyway, and people generally don’t have any idea what she’s “ta-ta-ta-talkin’ ‘bout”. Somehow, I don’t think this is going to get her very far in life. Tik tok, looks like your music career’s almost up, Kesha.