Paris Hilton Goes to College!
Jack Knowsalot

MASSACHUSETTS— It seems that Harvard Law School has a new member enrolled into its program. “I can’t believe I gotsted accepted. That’s so hot,” said Paris Hilton, seeming excited to get the news she’s accepted. Paris Hilton got accepted from her amazing ACT scores. “Yeah the teachers just, like, let me, like, just take the whole ACT test, like, home, and everyone else had to take it at some public thingy. That’s so hot. I got a 15. I guess the lower the numbers the better,” said Hilton.

We all know Harvard is one of the hardest schools to get in to. You cannot only be a 4.0 student to get even acknowledged for Harvard, but you have to be in many social clubs. Only 9% of extremely intelligent students are accepted each year. “My daddy bought, like, the whole school for me. So it was pretty impossible for me, like, not to get entered. That’s so hot,” said the awfully confident Hilton.

It seems that the life of the rich and the famous is very difficult these days. Sometimes you just forget things like, Wall-mart. Shouldn’t it sell walls? Well, the talented Hilton thought so, “I mean I went there with my super hot friends, looking for super hot wall stuff, and there wasn’t any hot wall stuff. I was bummed.”

Paris shared with me what she has learned throughout her college career, which has been a whole two weeks. “I learned that a two and a two is something ballerinas dance with. That’s so hot; I think I’m going to have to buy one for myself. Make it my own trend,” Hilton said, “I have thought really hard about this, and when I grow up, I want to become a rocket surgeon!”