Growing up with egyptian friends has impacted my life tremendously. They have been with me from the start. We have always done everything together. From all the fights and the drama to all the loving memories we have together. Through thick and thin we have stuck together like glue. No matter how much we may bicker with each other we always end up back to where we started . They always had my back...then everything changed. Everything changed so fast it felt like it happened overnight.

Sometimes they got on my nerves...actually they always got on my nerves. We have all grown up so much since the 4th grade. We have a lot of memories together...but sometime i feel like i don't belong. We have so much in common yet we are so different. I feel like i'm the black sheep of the group. The one who doesn’t like egyptian music. The one who can't speak arabic right. The one who gives up too much. The weak one in the group. When we get into fights it hurts me so much that I feel alone. I’m the one who always apologizes. At the same time I’m the one who always leaves...And when I come back I feel more alone than ever. It's always the people closest to you that hurt you , for some reason though I can’t seem to give up this friendship. Sometimes I don't even feel like I’m egyptian , after all I wasn’t born in egypt. Sometimes I seem to think that I could fit in, but I don't. I always have to ask, what does that mean , or what did you say? At times It feels like they dont like me. I try to convince myself that it’s just my anxiety acting up and they do like hanging out with me. It’s hard to think that they do like me when all they do is go quiet as I walk in the room , or look at me as they whispering something to each other. They all say that they are here for me , but it's hard to trust them when they keep stabbing me in the back. They might say that we are sisters , sometimes i believe them, then other times i think it’s just words. I miss the times when we would actually have a good day without getting into an argument or starting something. I wish we could all just grow up a little . Everytime I leave it always takes longer for me to come back. I have been friends with them for a long time and it would kill to leave forever, at times I do think about never looking back. Maybe it’s for the better that I don’t want to come back. Then I think about all the good times , I can't bring myself to do it . Even though I know I shouldn’t be coming back, that they don’t even want me back yet I convince myself that I should.

The truth is I am scared of leaving forever and them forgetting me. I am scared that they will never accept me. I’m scared that I might leave for good this time. The truth is that I will one day wake up and realize the reason why I have trust issues is because of them . The reason why I want to stay in bed all day and never get out is because the words they say . They are all good people and I can see that , but at the end of the day they might not be the friends I need. They are my friends no matter what. I have gone through a lot , and yet I manage to always forgive them. Because of them I know my limits , I know who I am . I am a good , kind hearted person who loves to be crazy . A girl who tries to cheer up other people at the expense of her happiness. I realise I will always be me and I shouldn’t try to change just to fit into their group . We might have been through a lot together , but at the end of the day I know that they are the people who taught me who I am . For that I am thankful to them for the hurt they have put me through.