Perhaps my heart is broken from not being able to call you mine. Maybe my eyes are a little red from crying. Perhaps my mind is racing with all of the lies you told me. Maybe I'm a little broken because you left me. But on the outside everything is fine. I wear mascara and fix my hair. I put my best outfit on. To top it all off, I put on my fake smile. Because it's easier to smile and pretend everything is alright, to hide the fact that you're dying on the inside.

Maybe if I didn't care so much it wouldn't hurt so bad. But I do care too much. I fell too hard and that's the worst part. We didn't even have to be together for you to break my heart. You had me wrapped around your finger from the first day we met. Everything I did was because of you. I listened to your favorite music, I watched your favorite teams games, I listened to you and laughed with you. I cared about you and the truth is I still do. Sometimes in the morning, I'll look for you and wait for you to come to breakfast and sit right next to me. But you never do. You only come in the cafeteria to see your friends.

I think I lost a part of me every time I get close to someone. I think I go a little insane every time I trust someone. I think I knew all of that the day that I met you. I knew you would break my heart, but I was determined to love you anyway. And even when you broke my heart, and I should have walked away, I handed you all of the pieces. I let you hurt me over and over again. Even now if you called me or walked up to me, my heart would be in your hands. Silently I would tell you that it's yours.

I know that I can't go back to when I met you. But if I could I would have walked away. After all of the pain you caused me, why would I want to go through that again? I guess the reason this still bothers me is because I know I deserved a better goodbye. I just hate that I cared about your feelings more than my own. I wish I had the power to walk away from you. I wish I could guard my heart from you. I fell apart when our friendship ended. I broke when you threw words at me that cut like knives. You looked at me as if I was someone you never knew. That almost killed me. 

You told me that you weren't fake. At first I believed you. But when you left me like I was a burden to you, I saw the real you. You treated me like I was someone who annoyed you, like I was someone who was worthless. In my heart I knew I deserved better but I wanted so desperately to love you. I wanted so badly for you to love me also. I wanted you. Now I know that I wanted who I thought you were. 

I wanted the guy who made me laugh. The guy who told me everything and who I could tell anything. I wanted the guy who texted and called me. I wanted the guy who shared his favorite things with me. The guy who sat with me at lunch and breakfast. The guy who got along with my best friends. I wanted him. But you're not him.

You're fake.