The Many Food Groups Of Relationships | Teen Ink

The Many Food Groups Of Relationships

December 6, 2013
By Kennedy Wandelt BRONZE, Phoenix, Arizona
Kennedy Wandelt BRONZE, Phoenix, Arizona
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Your first date. Nerve racking, stomach clenching, most terrifying thing. It is impossible to know what she will think, and what the nerves will make you do. Your mind is clouded by so many questions. How should you act, how should you look…. What should you eat? The fate of your future relationship and possibly the DNA of your future children (Sophia, Travis, and Cynthia) may depend on those decisions. You have been psyching yourself out for days, fretting, waiting, day dreaming. But most of all, thinking. What if you make a fool of yourself? What if she gives you that adorable smile and your throat closes up, like it does at school? Could she the perfect, cute, adorable, angelic, smart, witty, personable girl, who is for some reason going on this date with you, feel the same way? Is she the right one? Are you compatible? What would she be like in a relationship? Little does she know you have a trick to find out, by simply looking at the food she orders for dinner.
Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels: Girls with NTAGASF syndrome seem to think starvation and the diet of a rabbit are the way to your heart. After all nothing beats having a skeleton as a girl friend. The media has gotten to this type of girl; she has seen the protruding spines and hip bones on models figures and become self conscious about the figure of her already underweight body. This mentality, however, shows how she will be in a future relationship. She will be fishing for compliments constantly, probably emotionally unstable, and cling to you perpetually. Her confidence on a scale of one to ten can be described as “tell me I’m pretty”, but if you are looking for a relationship in which it’s a one way street, where you are the one driving, be my guest and take out the salad and water girl.
Cubic Zirconium: She is another one to look out for, especially if you have no income. She is bound to order the most expensive item on the menu; if you are up for a lobster dinner or a sirloin steak, it might work out. She thinks she is worth way more than she actually is and this can lead to issues in a relationship. More than likely, you are chasing after the girl in this case. Other attributes are her clothes by guess, her novel of a birthday list, her tendency to not be free for simplistic movie dates, her five credit cards, her lack of a job, her slightly annoyed attitude when you talk to her, her fake laugh, her blinged out Iphone, her lack of good conversation topics. But most of all she can be spotted by the bill at the end of the dinner.
Let’s go Dutch: (To those of whom this term is too obscure, this means the bill is divided in two and each participant in the date pays their portion so as not to define a dominance of either gender.) This woman is self efficient. Holding open a door, or any other chivalrous act, may be received with a long monolog on the evolution of women’s rights, or a simple sassy “huff”. After the history lesson, a conversation of work and goals is sure to follow. She “needs to focus on school, or work, or sports, or herself” or at least that is how she excuses herself from relationships. These excuses are just to make you feel better, she is not that into you. Needless to say these relationships will have an expiration date. A feminist does not tend to be very feminine when it comes to relationships.
That’s so mainstream: Such a girl as this can be regarded as a “hipster” in modern terms. They are also known as Hippies, Indies, Nonconformist, or anything they want to call themselves. Spotted by obscure references (followed by annoyed looks and sighs when you do not recognize the source) these girls get along well with their own people but often it is hard for them to be with someone who jumps on the bandwagon or falls into any stereotype. The food she eats could be eccentric or most commonly will consist of sushi and tea. In a relationship they can be hard to predict. They share similarities with all three previously described girls. They will go to extremes, like the NTAGASF; they will have a slightly annoyed attitude, like the Cubic Zirconium; and they will be very talkative about their interests, similar to the Lets go Dutch. However they are wild and spontaneous and can be fun to have round. But be careful, as soon as she has to compromise her strange habits, you are out of the door.
Just right: In dating, similar to Goldilocks and her adventure in the bear’s house, some will be too hot, others too cold. But there is also a few that will be just right. Conversations will be easy, you will have common interests, and her hand will fit right in yours. It’s hard to tell what she will be eating, but it is likely to be the hamburger, or the chicken, or the pasta, or something completely ordinary.
“We are what we eat” can shed some light on how a girl might hypothetically be in a relationship. And you never know what the perfect girl might pick out of the twenty or so choices on a menu. But after all, it is just the first date.

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This article has 1 comment.

on Dec. 17 2013 at 4:56 pm
Gracious PLATINUM, Go Away, Kansas
22 articles 0 photos 66 comments

Favorite Quote:
"life sucks and then you die, yeah, i should be so lucky"

-Jacob, Twilight

I’m still that girl who falls when she runs, Getting back up, because falling is fun.

This is kind of offensive and demeaning to women. Not to come across as a 'not so feminine feminist' but you have done a great job of illustrating exactly WHY feminists have to be the way they are, people like you are constantly seeking to label them so you can toss them aside. People, both men and women, are much more complicated than you make them out to be.