Welcome to the grand assembly line of education, a labyrinthine network where students are not merely passive recipients of knowledge but integral components, intricately woven into the fabric of academia’s machinery. We will take your children, and make them into functioning members of society. With our trusty tactics that haven’t changed since the Cold War, we will have your children work overtime, giving them no time to even remember what individuality and happiness feels like. Within these hallowed halls, they will embark on a journey not just of learning, but of metamorphosis, emerging as finely tuned instruments poised to contribute to the relentless churn of intellectual production. We promise you that they will be seamlessly assimilated into the standardized framework of institutionalized education? They won’t be anything more than glorified calculators, capable of regurgitating information with mechanical precision. Do they possess souls yearning to break free from the confines of conformity? Well, of course not! Our assembly line won’t give them the chance. 

From the moment they set foot in the labyrinthine corridors of education, our students are indoctrinated into the cult of productivity! Their worth is measured not by their individuality or creativity, but by their ability to produce a never-ending stream of assignments and exams, like clockwork automatons on caffeine. We have scored the highest in the world for the most students that are addicted to caffeine for the past 4 years! We pride ourselves not on the messages we send to our students, but by the way we beat out China! 

In this dystopian world of education, grades are the currency of validation, and GPA is the holy grail of success. We make sure our students feverishly chase after these elusive numbers, sacrificing sleep, sanity, and social lives in a desperate bid to appease the academic gods of conformity. But fear not, dear incoming scholars, for you are not alone in this farcical pursuit. You will be but one cog in the grand machine of academia, where originality is frowned upon, and deviation from the norm is met with suspicion and disdain.

If one dares to question the system, they may find themselves labeled not just a troublemaker or a rebel among peers, but perhaps even a revolutionist, a disruptor of the carefully orchestrated symphony of standardized education. Yet, within the vast expanse of uniformity, there exist those courageous souls who refuse to conform, who choose instead to challenge the very foundations upon which the educational edifice stands. They believe they are the mavericks, the renegades, the avant-garde thinkers who see beyond the confines of tradition and dare to envision a future where creativity and innovation reign supreme. For them, the classroom is not merely a stage for passive learning, but a battleground for intellectual liberation. 

For in this absurd world where students are nothing more than machines, know that there is no place for such rebels. They will be outcasted immediately, subjected to homelessness and death, and there will be no opportunity for redemption. We will forget their existence and will have no sympathy.

The relentless conveyor belt of education will continue to churn. Students will continue to find themselves ensnared in an unyielding cycle of assignments, exams, and the relentless pursuit of GPA perfection. The weight of expectations will continue to bear down heavily upon their shoulders, eclipsing any flicker of genuine curiosity or passion for learning. The pursuit of knowledge has been reduced to a mere exercise in rote memorization and regurgitation, leaving little room for exploration or innovation. 

To address concerns for any flickers of hope, non conformers will be dealt with. All of their “efforts” have no strength against our power, and our machine continues to hum along, impervious to dissent. Our cycle perpetuates, with students trapped in a never-ending loop of conformity and compliance.

As more students awaken to the absurdity of the system, we find ways to put them back under. As they pray for a world where students are more than just cogs in a machine, where learning is a joyous exploration rather than a soul-crushing ordeal, we redirect them to our scriptures. It is so easy to collect believers when you promise a fate that can’t be seen or made specific. Don’t worry, we know how our system needs to be updated. With every year, more classes will be added for each day, each day will be longer, and each student will feel more like a failure. With these newer ways, we won’t lose our value for money. Of course money can still buy a high spot in our society! We have no problem knocking someone else out who earned it through complying with our unreasonable rules.

We like to think of ourselves as a Germany that didn’t lose, Portuguese colonizers with more viruses, and old, rich, white men with stronger control on women’s uteruses all combined into one. Our goal has always been to break apart your children, stripping them of everything. Taking each bone, each nerve, each thought and chemically changing it. We will keep them barely alive, and while some won’t make it, the survivors will become working members of society. Will it be worth it? Not at all, but machines aren’t allowed to tell the difference.