Six days. That is how long it took me to completely break down. To lose all sense of self-worth. To lose sight of who I was as a person. To make me question whether I really belonged at the college I worked my ass off to get into. What awful traumatic event took less than a week to do this to me?

Rush.

Panhellenic, to be exact. To me, college was synonymous with "Greek life". You know what I'm talking about: socials, toga parties, bigs and littles, all that stuff. Well after I got "the call" - where a sympathetic rush counselor tried to explain to me that I didn't get a bid - I realized that my vision of college life was about to change real quick.

I was a mess for weeks.

Please understand, each and every one of my friends has found their happy home in one of the 16 sororities on campus, and I am so, so happy for them. However, this means that I'm the odd one out right now, which is somewhere I've never been before.
Everywhere I look is a reminder of my current, less than pleasant predicament. I see Greek life everywhere. Every time I see those letters, whether they're a KD or an ADPi or even a ChiO, I flash back to those six days, wondering where I went wrong, why I was so different. Every Instagram from a social or Facebook post about how much big <3's her little, I wonder why I can't be that happy.
I had more panic attacks and mental breakdowns than I could count, just because of those six days, because of that one word.

65 days. That's how long it has taken me to put myself back together. This experience has taught me more than k-12th ever could have. I'm learning how to be on my own. I'm learning how to figure out who I am as an individual, and here's what I've got so far:

My name is Sarah . I talk, think, and feel entirely too much. I have realized that I was put on this planet to help other people, and I look forward to a time when I will be fully qualified to do so. I never want another girl (or boy) to go through the struggles I have, because no one should ever have to feel inferior to something as superficial as Greek life.

I am beautiful. I am worth something. This experience has taught me that I don't need a couple of letters on a spirit jersey to prove that.

Not bad for my first 65 days of college.