WASHINGTON, D.C.—As the debate surrounding how sexual misconduct allegations should be handled continues, a new committee has been formed in the U.S. Senate. The Senate Accuser Disqualification Committee has been implemented to review the accusations of sexual misconduct brought forward against public officials and presidential nominees and ultimately disqualify the accusations. There is currently no intention for the committee to perform investigations into the validity of sexual misconduct allegations.

“Too many men have had their lives and careers absolutely ruined by unfounded accusations. We needed to make sure that we could protect the livelihoods of these disadvantaged men who have been appointed to federal positions or voted into higher office in the United States,” says a senator on the newly formed committee. These comments came just minutes after Brett Kavanaugh, who faced an accusation of sexual misconduct, was confirmed to the Supreme Court of the United States.

The senator added, “These allegations are, of course, an elaborate political ploy by the left-wing to disqualify candidates they don’t like. These accusers are just radical feminists who want to ruin the lives of these poor men.” Later, when asked whether he felt his Democrat colleague Al Franken should have resigned over the allegations of sexual misconduct against him, the senator said, “Of course I think Franken should have resigned! The guy was a creep!”

The committee consists of nine members: five from the Republican Party and four from the Democratic Party. Joe Manchin, the senior United States Senator from West Virginia, is one of the Democrats on the committee. He is the only Democrat to vote for the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh. Shockingly, Senator Susan Collins from Maine is the only woman on the committee.

Senator Collins, when asked about her decision to join the committee, said, “I think we should take all accusations of sexual misconduct very seriously, but I am unlikely to ever vote against someone of my own party. That Al Franken guy, though? I’ll call for him to resign in a heartbeat.”

In what is surely a coincidence, several members of the committee have been found to be financially backed by well-known rapist Ben Roethlisberger and an unknown individual by the name of Marvy Pinesteen. Members of the committee have yet to comment when questioned about these individuals.

“I just want to make life easier for these poor, underprivileged white men,” said Republican Senator Lindsey Graham from South Carolina. He was still red in the face from shouting throughout the Kavanaugh confirmation hearing.

Many of those who were in support of the formation of this committee say that people should not be held accountable for their actions from thirty years ago.

 “Boy, if you all knew what kind of trouble I got into when I was in high school and college. I partied every single day. Like my dear friend, Brett, I really love beer. Why, there was this one time I saw a girl at a party and I—” Senator Graham stopped in the middle of what he was saying and quickly walked out of the room without saying another word.

This committee will hopefully help put more white men with questionable backgrounds in positions of power in the United States government. As President Trump said, “it’s a very scary time for young men in America.” Hopefully no more white men will have to go through the pain of being accused of sexual misconduct while still being confirmed and voted into some of the most powerful political positions in the country. It would be unfortunate to have the left-wing mob ruin the life of another person who holds a position of power in the United States with allegations looming over their head.