We as young women are quite the mystery to society. From being too emotional to being too stubborn, we seem unable to meet the impossible expectations set for us. We have often been accused of over-sexualizing ourselves, but no one ever asks why. Most people don’t look past what meets the eye and choose to shame girls into innocence, which creates nothing but harm. There are a multitude of reasons as to why girls over-sexualize themselves, including male validation, generational divide, and insecurities from other girls.

This piece is meant to highlight the struggles of teenage cisgender females. While we are not the only ones who experience these problems, I am writing from my perspective. The occurrences I am speaking about could affect anyone, but I want to pinpoint how it affects solely one specific group. To clarify, not every teenage female sexualizes herself. This article is only meant to show girls possible reasons for why they sexualize themselves or to help others understand better. If you are a teenage cis-female who does sexualize herself, please be aware that not every motive may line up with yours and that is completely normal. 

In many ways, our childhood is a major part of who we are. Environment dictates lifestyle, and from an early age, women are surrounded by male influence. A common saying parents tell their daughters is “if a boy likes you he will be mean to you,” basically telling girls from an early age to let boys walk all over them. This creates an opening for girls to be mistreated in relationships because they were taught the love they will receive is in the form of degradation. Society brainwashes us to adhere to the male gaze so that men can feed into our insecurities and benefit from it. Oftentimes we place our self-worth on what boys say, due to the oppressive imbalance of power that was established long ago. The urge to make boys approve of us is strong, and over time we all learn a significantly effective way to gain their approval is to be a pushover. Mindlessly agreeing and inflating a boy’s ego is a relatively sure-fire way to make him like us. It’s unnerving when girls actually stand up for themselves. It becomes incredibly hard to find our voices as we get older, and as many girls become teenagers, the need for male validation is heightened. When puberty hits and boys discover sex they often start objectifying girls. This is when the longing for male validation changes. A lot of girls’ insecurities get so intense they yearn for reassurance. Boys quickly learn this and manipulate girls into getting what they want. The power dynamic between “horny” teenage boys and lonely teenage girls will oftentimes leave the girl hurt. Sometimes when we are in relationships this dynamic causes us to question whether we want to engage in sexual activities with boys because of genuine desire or just because of the fear of disappointment. The idea that women need a partner has been incredibly normalized. Girls are taught from a young age that they will rely on a boy as they get older. As Lord Byron said, “Man’s love is of man’s life apart; it is a woman's whole existence.” We are hard-wired to try to fit into the ideal standard set by men. Girls who over-sexualize themselves for boys often feel used and unloved because boys only want them for their body, and since girls feed into it, they continuously feel guilty. An insufficient male reaction can make women feel like who they truly are doesn’t really matter, or that they aren’t good enough for society. Male validation doesn’t only affect teenage girls. I would argue that everyone wants it because society is so tainted by the male gaze. We have collectively built up men to the point where it seems the only way to achieve anything is with their approval. 

Boys aren’t the only ones who promote insecurities for young girls. Many adults enforce hostile ideals onto teenagers. To clarify, there are plenty of adults who are compassionate and supportive. It’s still important to talk about the ignorant ones that oftentimes go unchecked and have a negative impact on kids. Dress codes are a helpful example. It’s understandable not to wear clothes with swear words, but shoulders are unacceptable? The idea that girls shouldn’t wear specific clothes so that boys won’t be distracted is obscene. It supports the notion that they are supposed to bend to the will of men. Adults should teach boys to respect women instead of teaching girls to blindly aid men’s wants. Since misogyny has been prevalent for so long, it seems like older women would be able to help teenage girls, yet oftentimes it is the complete opposite. This may stem from the change from a girl to a woman. As women age they have a lot more self-reassurance and achievements to back their identity up. Obviously, this doesn’t evaporate all insecurities, but it can be harder to relate to the younger generation. As a teenage girl, everyone around us is telling us what to do and who to be, so for a lot of us, it’s hard to have a sense of self. For some adult women, it comes naturally to help younger girls through these tough times because they can relate. For other older women, it's difficult because they resent teenagers and see too much of themselves in them. A lot of women force uprightness and shame their daughters, along with other girls. A sum of resentment can be created towards teenage girls, much like with certain fathers. A lot of girls have said that as they get older their fathers stop showing affection, because when a girl goes from being the “sweet and innocent little girl” to “scandalous and out of control teenager,'' it reminds men of how they view other women in a disrespectful manner. The notion of  parents in disarray creates an unstable and seemingly unloving home for daughters. Plenty of girls grow up in a completely different parenting situation, yet since so many adults' brains have been poisoned against young girls, it becomes hard to avoid scrutiny. 

Despite the fact that many teenage girls are faced with similar restrictions from those around them, we tend to turn on each other quite a bit. We often feel incredibly alone and sometimes instead of being able to turn to another girl, we are further harassed. Teenage boys are generally very rude to us, and lots of times this causes girls to bring others down to attract a boy. Our generation calls these types of girls “pick-me girls” because they do everything so clearly for attention and validation. The difference between them and others is that they are more obvious about their lack of confidence. This can feel infuriating for us because we all have the same insecurities, and the prospect of someone else obtaining relief from theirs is unfathomable. We do everything to hide our self-doubt because letting people know we are not confident will give them more leeway to hurt us. So, pick-me girls displaying our fears so blatantly does not help women as a whole, rather give a piece of our pride to men. Women would benefit from banding together and lifting each other up, and men know this, so they keep it from happening. Forever people have always pitted powerful women against each other, like Cardi B and Nicki Minaj. Subconsciously, we compare ourselves to other girls, trying to take confidence from others and give it to ourselves. We feed into the cog of the patriarchal society and shame other women. Those who are the victims of girl-on-girl crime try to overcompensate for their insecurities which can lead to sexualizing themselves even more to regain confidence. It’s a sad cycle of girls’ insecurities taking control. 

So, we should not shame young girls for seeking validation, but rather gain perspective. Over-sexualizing one’s self may seem like craving attention and validation, when in reality it is simply a coping mechanism. It is important to recognize that some girls are genuinely trying to experience new things, and some girls will not relate to this, which is completely normal. Teenage girls are not helpless, we are not incapable of being enough for ourselves, there are just an incredible amount of people who want us to feel powerless.