When asked what my biggest fear is, I often reply with the expectation. I’m afraid of the dark, I am deathly scared of the clowns, I fear death. However, Pennywise simply has nothing on me as he lacks certain creativity to form into my true fears. My biggest fear is that I will never live up to my fullest potential and I will remain mediocre at everything I do. By the time I realize, it will be too late and I will never amount to anything.

To state some of my trifling endeavors, I played tennis, swam, read, played badminton, exercised, wrote creatively, studied, went skateboarding, biking, most of which I still take up. My consistent flaw seems to be inconsistency and the failure to believe in myself. 

Nevertheless, it continuously seems as if my yearning for knowledge knows no bounds. I read books, contemplate fruitful philosophies, consume art and try to learn everything I possibly can. I itch for intellect and wisdom that can only be captured by time and experience. Experience that I have not encountered and time that I have seen little of, which is why I fulfill myself with the promise of other people's experiences. I am ultimately unacquainted with myself however hard I search, but have I ever stopped to think about how my yearning for knowledge could amount to something?

What makes a remarkable person in history? Let's go through the ingredients; two cups of born to ideal parents, 1 cup of born in the right country, three cups of natural talent, and a teaspoon of greatness, which frankly does not exist. Now, as not to turn your hopes and dreams into a meal fit for consumption, I must reveal that everyone feels this way no matter their talents. 

Growing up, I observed two types of people, ‘the knowers’ who knew what they were doing in life, and the inefficient, lousy folk such as myself. We go from plan to plan, taking up new hobbies and strategies every week and finding ourselves misguided. However, I soon realized that ‘the knowers’ do not exist. When it comes to matters of the soul; wisdom, the meaning of life, and finding happiness, no one has a clue what they're doing. Not even the smartest person in the room. 

This is a wonderful aspect of life and not enough people shed light on it. Though you may feel like everything has been done tenfold, I certainly know I do, and that there's no point in doing something groundbreaking because someone will do it better, we must remember that the greats had these exact doubts. Your idols have been there but they, against all odds, were undeniably devoted to something despite feeling lost all the time. Reaching your fullest potential does not mean being the next Albert Einstein, as there is no other Einstein. You are left behind in this colorful world with a plethora of possibilities; it’s basically anarchy out here. 

I’m currently going through a long period of confusion in my life as many others, but the answer may not be a hut in words (a contemplation for another day), maybe the answer is pushing through. Confusion is not a side effect on the path to accomplishment, but rather the price of admission that will accompany you throughout your roller coaster of a life. We often forget that Van Gogh was 27 before he even started painting, Charles Darwin was considered a below-average student, and Frank Kafka was unknown during his lifetime. 

The greats did not know they would be greats, they were just mortal beings who disregarded the pressures from society. Despite oppressors, they continued their passion, often, their worst oppressor was themself. “You've gone through all your good ideas,” “you’re too old,” "too young,” “too dumb,” “it’s been done.” All this has all been said before. For all you know, that one rejection letter telling me to never pick up a pen again may be Pennywise figuring out a way to embody my fears. 

There isn’t enough time left for you to not form something no one has ever seen before, whether it’s through unlikely pursuits or silly pastime activities. Abandoning my fear has let me realize how the world has achieved so much, historically, technologically, galactically, and it has allowed me to act without expectation. Your critics will be forgotten much like your failures and there is no better time to discover the billions of oddities in this world, given our existence.