Domestic Violence | Teen Ink

Domestic Violence

January 25, 2010
By RockP BRONZE, Romeoville, Illinois
RockP BRONZE, Romeoville, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Why do guys / girls abuse each other when they are in a relationship? Why would someone you love or that is close to you hurt you like that? There are many answers to these questions. Usually a profile of an abusive partner is Low self-esteem, Trouble trusting others, practically you, Controlling, The person usually comes from a family where there was violence, although it may be denied, Passionate, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality, Mood swings or explosive temper, Macho or super masculine, Isolating, Emotionally and verbally abusive, Denial, Blame you when a fight happens, they may try to blame outside stressors, Alcohol or drug users. These things can confuse a person; it can manipulate you to staying in the relationship.

Don’t let it get to you. There are 3 types of abuse, Physical, Sexual and Emotional. Sexual abuse is unwanted sexual activity forced upon the person by the abuser. It includes rape too. So if a person kisses, touches, or tries or does something sexual to person and they don’t consult to it being okay, that’s sexual abuse. Physical abuse is that physically harms a person. Punching, biting, slapping, stabbing and any other thing considered. Some people would slap or hit for fun. If the person concrete it’s not count as abuse, but when the hits get more serious, it is.

Emotional abuse is abuse that has to do with your emotional wellbeing. If the person yells, stalks, cyber stalking, insulting, cursing at the person, manipulating, controlling, humiliating, or making verbal threats of violence. Teasing is also emotional abuse to. The partner in the relationship would try to kill the other persons self-esteem and tell them what they can and can’t do or wear or who to talk to. They basically try to be there brain and give them no say in anything. This is also known as psychological abuse. When a partner is emotionally abusive they are fully aware of what they are doing. They try and find your weakness and when they know it, they use it for there benefit. But in the beginning of the relationship they treat there partners very well. Later they start to use that weakness and try to kill there self-esteem; this is common in a range of abuse relationships from casual dating, monogamous, and even to long-term relationships. Also you can start to tell if the partner is the jealous type. Yes all people are jealous to a certain extant, but if its extreme jealousy, this is a very bad sign. The abuser would control the type of people you hang around with, even to the extent that they won’t want the person hanging or even talking to your own friends and family. They would try to play it out as saying “I love you so much” and making the person think that he just wants the person all to themselves, but the truth is they just want control, because if they really loved there partner, they wouldn’t be treating them like that, they would treat them better.

Statistics show the one in 3 teens know people who have been physically assaulted by a dating partner. One in 5 admits being emotionally abused, and 70% of teen girls have been sexually assaulted by a friend, boyfriend or acquaintance. You see we have a problem. Teen Domestic Violence is a big deal, but has been pushed aside by the world. No one thinks to help these girls and boys that have been abused by someone that claims that they love them.

There is a cycle to this abuse that can make it very dangerous for a person. The cycle first start as something you would expect any partner to do, giving compliments, gifts, attention. Pretty normal stuff you wouldn’t think leads up to abuse, but soon the Tension-building phase starts. The abuser will start picking fights over the smallest of things. The person would try to avoid these fights by watching what she/he says or does. Some abuses begin using drugs. The abuser becomes jealous and limits or totally disconnects time with friends and family. It might seem like protection, but its not, it control. Then the abuser starts insulting or even physically abuses the person. If the person starts to feel crazy, they aren’t. The abuser is making you think that.

Next is the crisis stage where more physical abuse takes place. By this stage the person should feel scared and leave the relationship for there own safety. But if they don’t, the honeymoon phase comes along. The abuser would apologize and say that they won’t happen again. They would put blames on other things but themselves. They would buy gifts and spend money on them, showing them affection and might even go to concealing helping them keep the relationship alive. The person will fell bad to stay in the relationship because of this. From my perspective “DON’T FALL FOR IT!” It is a cheap trick to get you to stay. The cycle will go on and on until you leave the relationship or worse, you get killed.

There are many warming signals to abuse, Low Rick Behavior is, if your partner calls you names, hurts you and get angry when your upset, tells you things people have said about them, is jealous or possessive more than usual, if you partner notice you have more fun without them, if they ignore you when something goes wrong, and if they have really weird mood swing. If you partner shows behaviors like this the person should keep a close eye on them, if things start getting worse them u should leave. High Risk Behaviors, is when the partner is so jealous that it’s like paranoid, that you have to convince them you didn’t do anything, keeping you somewhere against your will, when they tell you to “tell the truth” when you are, they saying they will die if you leave them, they talking about killing themselves, they threatening to kill you, forcing you to have sex against your will, controlled you around friend and family. Usually the person wants to end things but is afraid of what will happen if you tell there friends and family. If things reach up to this point you need to “GET OUT”. The person would actually try to harm or even kill you. To protect your own well being you would have to leave. Getting help from someone and try to figure out a way to leave before it is too late.

We live in a society that does not take teen dating abuse as seriously as it should be. Sadly the more society ignores the topics like teen dating abuse, the more abuse happens without anyone knowing and caring teens that abuse their parents abusing or being abused by there life partners or boyfriend/girlfriends. So they grow up thinking this behavior is acceptable. To me, this issue is a big deal that shouldn’t be brushed aside. There are millions of woman that need a helping hand to get out of there troubled relationship. If you are or know a teen that has physical, sexual, emotional abuse or you are not totally sure, but think you have been abused you should go talk to a counselor, teacher, parent, mentor, or therapist or if you not comfortable talking to someone close to you call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1800-799-Safe.

The author's comments:
What inspired me to pick this topic was the way woman/ men suffer at the hand of there abusers. How the woman/ men voices get ignored or never heard. How sociaty has brushed it away. And how theres strong woman/ men have to fight to get there lives and independence back.

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