When someone says something along the lines of "that person doesn't have any self respect" in reference to said hypothetical person's appearance or lifestyle, I get rationally angry.

1) We all want to be respected. That's a fact. We all wanted to be treated nicely and we want to be accepted for whoever we might be. Also a fact.

2) When someone says a phrase like that in reference to someone's appearance, it's obvious that that person disapproves of how the person looks or holds themselves. Maybe this person appears rude and crass in public, maybe that person is wearing an interesting choice of clothing (or lack thereof). Perhaps this person has an abundance of scars/tattoos/piercings or maybe brightly coloured hair. Maybe this person is promiscuous or has had a lengthy history of significant others. In any case, someone disapproves of this hypothetical person's lifestyle and how they choose to present themselves to society.

3) Okay, kiddos, we're going back to #1. We all want to be respected, right? In whatever way that might be for each of us individuals, which is what it comes down to. We want to go about our day with little to no negative disturbances, especially about how we look or act. So, ~hypothetically~, when someone sees a person and immediately forms an opinion about their appearance (which we all do, there's no getting around it) and either thinks or says "Wow! That person doesn't have any respect for themselves because ___________ !" ...

4) It's a misguided conclusion and very insulting to voice out loud. I'm definitely not trying to police people on what to say/not say, but think about it with me for a second. If you haven't realized this already, when you assume that the hypothetical person has no respect for themselves, it's really just you disapproving of them. Somewhere along the lines of phrase evolution, "They have no respect for themselves!" turned into "I do not like how you look or act, nor do I like the choices you have made." Or, if you want to get down to it, it really means "I have no respect for them (because of how they chose to look/act)." So why don’t we just say that instead of assuming that because we don’t have respect for this being, they must not respect themselves either?

5) The whole thing boils down to how offensive you want to be. There is absolutely nothing wrong with disagreeing or disliking a person's lifestyle. That said, there is also nothing wrong with wearing next to nothing, covering up completely, piercing/tattooing yourself abundantly, having scars, dressing oddly or out of the norm, colouring your hair unusual and nontraditional colours, or having what would be considered crass language. There is also nothing wrong with looking 'plain', not wearing makeup or making yourself appear extravagantly different. There isn't anything wrong with being anything that you desire to be. But ...

6) (This should probably be considered an opinion. Just because I believe it to be true wholeheartedly and think that if people realize that the majority of the way they perceive visual information is flawed, doesn’t mean that it is the truth. I still like to believe that if we take things like this and other similar issues, we will flourish as a society and be happier individuals.) There IS, therefore, something wrong with thinking that a person doesn't respect themselves when it is really you who does not have any respect. It's just a phrase, I know, but it makes all the difference. Mostly to yourself and your own way of thinking, but I still think it's a very important thing to overcome. The key is to keep an open mind.

7) Another point I'd like to make is that we all immediately make small (or rather large) judgments upon external appearance. We always have and we always will. It's an impulse and there's nothing wrong with that. Whether it be "Wow, I'd totally bang her, she's hot" to "He has a funky left eyebrow", some internal commentary is bound to happen. Taking that, we tend to "evaluate" said person. We observe how they are different from our own selves (ourselves being the constant, or the 'normal' state of being). We look at their flaws because (at least in my opinion) that's what we as a society focus on first in many cases. If there is a glaringly obvious difference that was obviously manufactured by the person we are observing, we tend to hone in on that said difference and make more judgments. Again, that isn't the problem.

8) The problem is to believe that those judgments are true because we, compared to that person, are normal.

9) Another problem is the fact that we may be too insecure or can't imagine ourselves making the same lifestyle choices as said hypothetical person, therefore we immediately write them off as 'wrong'. That, in my eyes, is another huge problem because honestly, if someone is able to wear 'slutty' clothes, tattoo/pierce themselves profusely, colour their hair wild colours and express themselves verbally with no limitations on themselves and appear confident and happy, have as much sex they please (and you're the one who has possible insecurities about doing this yourself because your so called values get in the way), is there really a problem or are you imagining it?

10) You ARE imagining it.