i feel sick

        words are not significant when you are an Actor,

a liar, and good at it

       being good at lying is never something to       

       be glad of,

as you can never tell if you are lying to yourself

and, if you are in fact what i said you ought not be glad to be,

then i

am sorry

        i have learned that if i am a liar, then

i am a thief

       and if i am a thief, then you are a victim

and, if i am a thief and you are a

                                victim, then i am sick

    if i cannot believe myself then reality is

essentially out of reach

if i say i want to help, then i must beg the question:

  "who am i to say if i am offering it to you or to myself?"

            i want to be real

i want feeling to be definitely and         

eternally defined in my person as

              untrustworthy

so, if i feel like an Actor and hence feel like i'm sick, then

                 i must deem myself part traitor

and, if part traitor, then i am already fundamentally an Actor

but, my mind is war and if this is for a facade of intelligence and/or art,

                 at least i've got "perhaps"

thus, perhaps

some poetry is like a tetanus shot for my flu,

not inherently, generally bad, but

misapplied and miswritten

         so that feelings and poetry appear to be in quite stark contrast yet nearly similar     simultaneously

being an Actor and a writer is, therefore, an incredibly dangerous business,

    for, in that case, lovely and commended, yet a scoundrel, is what you may very well become

          and, so, being such a good thief as to be capable of stealing from myself, what do I have knowledge of?

            general, assumed, compartmentalized comprehension of basic human nature encompassing multitudes of complex individuals seems attainable simply because of

                     the broadness of the spectrum

    due to the closeness of myself to myself, the spectrum is greatly magnified as the area of

observation diminishes

     hence, details simply become poison,

a hindrance to my blissful ignorance that is becoming less and less existent

      but, as an Actor, existence feels relative anyway, so what do i even have left?

         her? that is emotion

     myself?

     also feeling

God.