A Verse of Innocence | Teen Ink

A Verse of Innocence

April 25, 2009
By Diesel SILVER, West Hartford, Connecticut
Diesel SILVER, West Hartford, Connecticut
6 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Singing is the little sparrow,
With its tendering elegies,
Saddened is the little sparrow:

Of lunar eclipse; of eternal rest;
Of obscure twilight; of icy winds;
Of a narcissus shedding its last petal;
Of fall leafs falling from sapless maples;
Of snow blankets encasing life underneath;
Of children singing “Ring Around the Rosie”;
Of blighted decay; of phantasms raping the night;
Of pallid wings crumbling, ashen by Satan’s flames;
Of suns, exhausted of light, waning into annulled abyss;
Of looking-glasses of reflections scarred by human times;
Of cloaked horsemen, silenced, castrating virtue from souls…


The little sparrow fell from its perch, crying, crashing,
Flopping, gasping, lifting its broken wing towards the sky,
Screeching a siren’s wails…its eyes collapsed, bleeding.

I shot dead the dying little sparrow,
With my embittering perceptions.
Into the trash I flung the sparrow…

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This article has 11 comments.

tor10jax GOLD said...
on Sep. 1 2009 at 8:39 pm
tor10jax GOLD, Livingston, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 144 comments
I liked the idea and how you worked with it. I agree with what Joanna said about the second stanza. I was expecting some form of rhyming, so I had to reread it, which isn't bad, just something I noticed. One thing that confused me was how the bird was crying after the "Bang" because crying is the reaction that comes after shock, or so I think. I might be wrong. It was a good poem.

Keep writing!

carijoy SILVER said...
on Aug. 22 2009 at 6:33 am
carijoy SILVER, Phoenix, Arizona
8 articles 24 photos 51 comments
I love your unique writing style! Your vocabulary is quite intriguing. :) Keep up the good work!

on Jul. 2 2009 at 5:37 am
xXxFallingTearsxXx GOLD, Cottonwood, Idaho
12 articles 0 photos 148 comments
interesting writing style, but i still really loved it! beautiful piece! it would be nice if you would check out some of mine :)

on Jun. 30 2009 at 9:08 pm
Very good, the usage of complex language works much better in this sort of writing than in your other piece where it feels out of place.

Joanna said...
on Jun. 30 2009 at 6:46 pm
Joanna, St. Catharines, Other
0 articles 0 photos 165 comments
I love your choise of words. The concept of the poem is so interesting. Do you think that we, as a society, undervalue innocence? Your poem made me wonder about that.

The only thing is, in the second stanza, for some reason I thought that it was supposed to rhyme. When the lines didn't, it threw off the flow of the poem, at least for me. But that's just my opinion. The poem is just wonderful though. I would be honoured if you looked at some of my work.

Diesel SILVER said...
on Jun. 22 2009 at 4:13 pm
Diesel SILVER, West Hartford, Connecticut
6 articles 0 photos 12 comments
Thanks for your comments. If you were wondering what it means, I'll describe it the best way I can. The sparrow represents innocence, and feels pain when it sees the "real world," so "I" kill it to put out its misery (euthanasia).

on Jun. 20 2009 at 4:52 pm
SilverDawn GOLD, Burnaby, Other
10 articles 0 photos 298 comments
wow, the wording, descriptiveness, and imagery is so strong and just plain awesome. I think the last stanza is a little weak though as suddenly somebody comes by and kills the bird seemingly without reason. great job though~

on May. 13 2009 at 3:59 am
madegclover6 SILVER, Van Nuys, California
6 articles 1 photo 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
idk i have alot

thats really good

on May. 12 2009 at 3:44 am
kaura123 SILVER, Huntington Beach, California
8 articles 6 photos 26 comments
i like it too good job

on May. 12 2009 at 1:35 am
Monae2013 SILVER, TRACY, California
7 articles 7 photos 4 comments
I think that your work is beautiful! I really appreciate the comment and I was hoping that someone would say something that would make me better. Thank You!

EdytD SILVER said...
on May. 9 2009 at 1:38 am
EdytD SILVER, Livingston, New Jersey
6 articles 0 photos 258 comments
I like this! it's an unusual style, but i liked the imagery. Just out of curiousity, you know "Ring Around the Rosie" is really a song about the bubonic plague, and not just a nursery rhyme? If that was your intention, it's really intersting, because it's a pretty perverse nursery rhyme.

Great poem!

I'd love if you took a look at my poetry. Thanks! :D