tear of mine | Teen Ink

tear of mine

May 19, 2009
By RiaRen SILVER, New Bothwell, Other
RiaRen SILVER, New Bothwell, Other
8 articles 0 photos 75 comments

I lie on my back, looking down to the ground

And see tons of people skittering around

All of them going from point A to point B

None of them are seeing the ones in need

I see a young girl with no one close by

I look at her closer; she’s beginning to cry

She looks like she hasn’t eaten in awhile

And has been walking for miles on miles

I see an old man sitting on a sidewalk

He’s wearing old clothes and only one sock

He’s hungry and lonely with no one around

He’s getting up, but someone pushes him down

As I lay on my back, looking down on the world

I can’t see cause’ my vision’s all swirled

How can this world live with such pain

How can they live with that on their brain?

I wipe my eyes and blow my nose
Then I stand up on my tiptoes
I look at the world above the clouds
And see all the happy crowds

I see a young lady wearing a gown
Laughing and singing, never wearing a frown

I see an old man smiling so brightly

Hugging a woman ever-so tightly

I lay back, I start to tear
they fall on the ones who live in fear
Before it hits, this tear of mine
I see something that is quite fine

An old woman grabbed that small child’s hand

Took her home and together they planned

Gave her a bath and gave her some food
Helped her out and was not rude

A young lady bent and helped that old man
She gave him a ticket and a piece of ham
She said, “I’ll help you out of this mess”
He said, “You know? Thank-you Miss”

That got me thinking, and thinking a lot
That this kindness may happen more often than not
those people, they’re kind and full of love
That tear of mine, turned into a dove

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This article has 8 comments.

RiaRen SILVER said...
on May. 24 2010 at 1:12 am
RiaRen SILVER, New Bothwell, Other
8 articles 0 photos 75 comments


i know, the rhyming really sucked on this one!!!!!!!!:)

JeanGrey GOLD said...
on May. 24 2010 at 1:07 am
JeanGrey GOLD, Mason City, Iowa
10 articles 0 photos 258 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."-Oscar Wilde

Nice. Some of the rhyming wasn't necessary and took away from the poem, but other than that it is awesome, and gets the point across. 5 stars!

RiaRen SILVER said...
on Apr. 20 2010 at 10:37 pm
RiaRen SILVER, New Bothwell, Other
8 articles 0 photos 75 comments
Thank-you... i can defintily see where you are coming from... it makes it more choppy, and you think about that more than the poem!!! thanks :)

RiaRen SILVER said...
on Apr. 20 2010 at 10:36 pm
RiaRen SILVER, New Bothwell, Other
8 articles 0 photos 75 comments
thank-you... now that i reread it, i think i have to agree!!!

on Nov. 27 2009 at 9:33 pm
ElizabethW. DIAMOND, Oconto, Wisconsin
72 articles 2 photos 28 comments
I liked it in general. My main problem is that you try so hard to follow a meter and rhyme in your poems, which isn't really needed and in some cases can even take away from the poem.

Desanyx SILVER said...
on Sep. 19 2009 at 10:59 pm
Desanyx SILVER, Westfield, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
The imagination is man's power over nature. -Wallace Stevens

You bring up the same topic of tears far too often within the poem, give us some new imagery. Interesting topic, could be tighter, don't force the rhymes, if they don't work, find a different word.

RiaRen SILVER said...
on Jun. 12 2009 at 4:22 pm
RiaRen SILVER, New Bothwell, Other
8 articles 0 photos 75 comments
ok, so this poem is actually supposed in a 4 line stanza but when i put it on here it went all wonky and i thought i fixed it and obviously it didn't work. sorry about all the wierd format


Jaquie BRONZE said...
on Jun. 9 2009 at 9:46 pm
Jaquie BRONZE, West Palm Beach, Florida
3 articles 0 photos 407 comments

Favorite Quote:
This is certainly one of my favorites: "I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes." -2 Samuel 6:22

Nice job. I remember you commenting 'Nothings Perfect' and when living in this world almost nothing is. But when we write poetry that's what we're doing. We play with perfection... Turning it over in our hands, seeing what we can make it. We look at it and see the shadows and depth. And then we begin to recognize the shadows in our own lives. Great poem. You saw the shadows and smudges and then erased them. Its really nice. I like your views if not format in this (I find change hard I should probably work on being more open). Altogether great job. Keep writing.

God bless,