My body aches for air.

My lungs carve holes inside of me, searching for room to hold the water that surrounds me. My head grows weights on either side, pulling me closer and closer to nothingness. My veins start to burn, blood screaming its need to breathe, wanting the world to hear it’s pain. I feel my chest grow small, shrinking. My head starts to spin, around and around. My hands and feet slash, trying to reach the air it needs. But I am lost, not knowing if I'm going up or down. Not knowing if my heart has already stopped.

Screams, screams, screams. I can’t tell if they are mine, or the tide pushing against my skin. It’s all I hear. It’s all I feel. It’s all I taste. Burning holes into my ears, finding its way to my skull. Leave me alone.

My mind flashes to my warm living room. I see me and my parents, sitting on the couch. I had been opening my birthday present, and a small golden retriever jumped out of it and onto me. Licking my face, wagging its tail. I wish I were with Toby right now. I wish I were home.

My body jolts back to the never ending darkness my vision has become. Panic floods me once again. My arms slash through the water, my legs kick and kick and kick. But my muscles weaken, and I become too tired to move. 

Comfortable silence slowly hugs my skin. My finger tips tingle, reassuring me I am more than just my thoughts and soul. My mind starts to follow the tides' songs. Slow, steady. Comfortable. Finally at peace with myself and the world.