My words fill my mind like a never ending well

While I was left crying on my bathroom floor in my mother’s arms

You found comfort in the excitement of many

After the promises you broke, leaving scars on my heart… 

I seek remedy 

To provide for myself what you once provided for me

I look back and I realize that most of the words you spoke, were not honest, as I had once believed them to be

But rather bargaining chips used to receive a reward

Your words were like bullets, and you aimed with your eyes closed

Disregarding the impact they had 

I have yet to find a distraction to mend the lesions

Because I never expected to experience the loss of the love that I was unaware was being rented out to me

That you claimed was mine to hold onto forever 

I listen to your words, how beautifully comforting they were

When you told me you would love me forever, when you told me that I was the only one, and when you told me that I was the most alluring person you had ever known

You stitched up the rips in my heart that I didn't know were there

The rips that told me I was worthless and unlovable 

But then you so cruelly tore them apart again

Convincing my untrusting heart to open itself up to you was the worst thing you could have done

I trusted you with every ounce of my being, every bone, every muscle, every vessel in my body was devoted to loving you and only you. 

The depths of my soul and my being, even with the scars on my heart…I loved you. 

I will never doubt that you had love for me

But when it came down to a choice between you or us. You chose selfishly 

You left me in the dirt, crawling out of a grave I unknowingly dug alongside you, mistaking it for a garden.