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Anxiety Attack MAG
August 27, 2009
Peacocks somersault in my stomach
Their beaks pecking painfully at my abdomen
One, Two, Three, Four, Five
I count each breath I take
If I don't calm down
My breakfast will come back up
And Dad won't appreciate that
Especially in his new Toyota Camry
Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten
I'm actually hyperventilating
Never should have joked about it
Now I seriously can't breathe
My stomach's not just gurgling
Those sounds have got to be gibberish
Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen
I'm trying but I can't ignore it
Peacocks somersaulting
Beaks pecking
Lungs failing
Make it stop!
© Elizabeth H., San Bernardino, CA
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This article has 7 comments.
bass_rockrgrl13 PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 18 2011 at 11:39 am
The use of the peacock as a symbol was a really unique touch.
I think this is really great, and your strong imagery makes the reader be able to picture, and almost feel, the anxiety. I agree w/ Lily B, however, and I think that it sounds a bit prose-like. I liked the way your last paragraph was short ideas, rather than full sentences, and I think that it described the anxiety effectively without using extra words.
Good job!
Good job!
costarican93 GOLD said...
on Sep. 6 2009 at 5:30 pm
My friend would always have panic attacks in class. It was like i was the only one who would notice when something went wrong. and when they did the teachers would not let me help becasue of course they think they know more. but n-e way i loved the way you described this. it really made me understand what is going on when someone is havin a panic attack.
Ms.Understood said...
on Sep. 3 2009 at 5:34 pm
OUCH! that sounds painfull. LOL. i know nothing about anxiety attacks. i couldn't get better details from someone else. i learned something new today!
.xCutMyLifeIntoPiecesx. PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 3 2009 at 5:31 pm
I actually have anxiety attacks myself, and I think this is a very accurate description. However, you might try being descriptive without using full sentences. It's the little phrases that are really powerful.
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