Jingle bells, vacation's swell,

School gets out today.

Education is a happy thing,

If we can only get away!

We hit the homestead in a hurry,

Screaming at old ladies in the way.

For we can't wait to vegetate

Before that special holiday.

The presents are wrapped up,

In last year's paper scraps,

We shovel down rubber fruitcake,

Then curl up for Yuletide naps.

We wake up bright and early,

And then eat our crunchy turkey.

Even without coffee,

My mother's slightly perky.

We belch contentedly,

Then we open up our cards,

Even the one from Uncle Slash,

Which was mailed out by the guards.

The presents are all opened,

Toys are played with, new games mastered,

Except the ones played by my dad.

Who thinks Super Mario is a @!?#%$&.

Then parades are watched on the TV,

All of which are over-rated,

And play a billion Christmas albums,

By some guys who are outdated.

This may sound anti-Yuletide,

As we rocket towards New Year,

But I'm not down on Christmas,

I get money every year!

So, Jingle Bells, the stuffing smells

Like last year's lemonade.

Christmas is a happy time,

If you like getting paid!

We send the relatives home,

As the driveway cracks and splinters.

We call out merrily,

"See you all next winter!"