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Heartbeat

January 24, 2010
By peacechild SILVER, La Mesa, California
More by this author
peacechild SILVER, La Mesa, California
8 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." - Oscar Wilde

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A smile
A touch
A tear
Too much
"Feel me."
"I’m here."
"Will you,
Stay near?"
Your arms
Contain me
Your instrument
I’ll be
Two souls
As one
New life
Just begun
Bright face
Joyful eyes
Take me
By surprise
Fertile heart
Lush fruit
Your dimples
"So cute."
Hands held
Life lived
This gift
I’ll give
Bag opened
With care
I’ll meet
You there
Your voice's
My song
It moves
Me along
Tiny whispers,
" 'love you."
I reply,
"Me too."

© Courtney M., Marblehead, MA

The author's comments:
This poem was written to express the power of first love - and it's fragile nature as well. When people read it I hope they recall the love in their life and see themselves in the situations described. I wrote it using two syllables on each line to represent the thudding of a heartbeat.
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This article has 12 comments.

AMCLRIDCA PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 22 2010 at 6:35 pm
AMCLRIDCA PLATINUM, CDA, Idaho
31 articles 2 photos 226 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take... but by the moments that take your breath away.

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Well, i like it. You are a very talented writer!
peacechild SILVER said...
on Feb. 21 2010 at 8:30 pm
peacechild SILVER, La Mesa, California
8 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." - Oscar Wilde

View profile
Thank you everyone - your encouragement is really great to hear. :)
peacechild SILVER said...
on Feb. 21 2010 at 8:30 pm
peacechild SILVER, La Mesa, California
8 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." - Oscar Wilde

View profile
Thank you. :) I don't quite know what caused me to think of this poem, I just started writing and it took this form.
poisionWriter SILVER said...
on Feb. 21 2010 at 8:25 pm
poisionWriter SILVER, Idaho Falls, Idaho
9 articles 0 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
I think I love you.

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wow! that was intense and awesome! i liked the flow btw. keep up the great work!
xhiddeninsomniax SILVER said...
on Feb. 21 2010 at 3:49 pm
xhiddeninsomniax SILVER, North Syracuse, New York
7 articles 2 photos 40 comments
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It was a great poem and I loved the concept of a heartbeat. Like they said before some of the lines have more than 2 syllables, but that could be easily fixed .
AMCLRIDCA PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 20 2010 at 11:40 pm
AMCLRIDCA PLATINUM, CDA, Idaho
31 articles 2 photos 226 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take... but by the moments that take your breath away.

View profile
This poem is really good. The heartbeat thing is interesting... What gave you that idea? ( Its brilliant!)
Tori.Lovett GOLD said...
on Feb. 20 2010 at 4:45 pm
Tori.Lovett GOLD, Alexandria, Louisiana
17 articles 3 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. ~William Wordsworth
--------
The wastebasket is a writer's best friend. ~Isaac Bashevis Singer

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I agree! This is great(:
...PensiveGurl... PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 20 2010 at 4:06 pm
...PensiveGurl... PLATINUM, Aurora, Colorado
20 articles 0 photos 267 comments

Favorite Quote:
You get ideas from daydreaming. You get ideas from being bored. You get ideas all the time. The only difference between writers and other people is we notice when we're doing it- Neil Gaiman.
Who are you to be who you are?-Le'Na Pernell

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i agree with laughternchocolate, this poem was awesome!
SarClark BRONZE said...
on Feb. 20 2010 at 8:57 am
SarClark BRONZE, NC, Connecticut
2 articles 0 photos 534 comments
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This is that kind of poem where you have to read it twice because it's so good. It makes perfect sense, it's deep, it rhymes, and it's so... perfect!! I like how it goes to a heartbeat a lot!
Dandelion PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 15 2010 at 7:07 pm
Dandelion PLATINUM, Franklin, Massachusetts
20 articles 8 photos 173 comments
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No problem! I'm glad you take constructive criticism gracefully. (:
peacechild SILVER said...
on Feb. 15 2010 at 11:16 am
peacechild SILVER, La Mesa, California
8 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." - Oscar Wilde

View profile
Thank you for that thought! I agree - I think the poem would have a more consistent flow if replaced some of the words. Thanks. :)
Dandelion PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 15 2010 at 10:02 am
Dandelion PLATINUM, Franklin, Massachusetts
20 articles 8 photos 173 comments
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I like that idea of the thudding of a heartbeat, and I like the poem overall. The only problem is that there were often more than two syllables per line. For example, "tiny whispers" is four syllables. Perhaps, with a little bit of revision, you can get it to be two syllables on each line.