Everyone panic,
The end is quite near!
It’s public hysteria,
It’s a climate of fear!

The countdown has started,
We’re all gonna die!
The nukes have been armed,
And they’re ready to fly!

It’s the end of the world
Something has to be done!
We must save the planet,
It’s too late to run!

Save the vipers, and mambas
And scorpions too
Save the grizzlies, and coyotes
Poison jellyfish blue!

Save the ozone, I like it
The holes aren’t that big
Save the smokestacks, and Hummers
Oceanic oil rigs!

Save the pistols, and rifles
And Patriot missiles
Save the cannons and mortars
And bombshells that whistle

Save the lawyers, rap music
And neon green Snuggies
Save the homework, stewed eggplants
And noisy dune buggies

Save the hunger, dumb ringtones
And plotless B-movies
Save the prisons and work camps
And made-with-grass smoothies

The nukes can’t be launched
We’d lose all of these riches!
Look what we’ll be saving…..
Never mind, pull the switches.