He makes my heart beat.

And I don't mean faster, I mean, he's what makes my heart pump blood.

I mean that without him, I do not pump, I do not live, I do not breathe.

My heart hurts near him, though.

It hurts so badly...

And I just noticed it.

I noticed that when I'm near him

I don't breathe.

I noticed that when I'm near him

I can't speak.

I noticed that when I'm near him

I can't look at him.

For the fear that maybe

just maybe

he'll see it. That he'll know.

Because my eyes will give it away.

And I did not want touch. I want conversation, nearness.

I want to feel safe, like there is someone watching over me. My Guardian Angel.

He doesn't make me feel like I'm in another world, but he makes me feel

like my own world is

perfect.

That I don't need to escape from my world is the most lovely thing I've ever felt.

And now he's gone.

How do you live, how do you breathe

when he's not there to tell you how.

How do you live, how do you breathe,

when your heart does not pump.

And then I realized

to breathe is the most wonderful thing in the world.

And then I realized,

that with out the ability to breathe, you lose the ability to speak.

That without your heart pumping, you cannot love.

Will I ever be able to love again?

I. Can't. Breathe.