I Really Want to Fly | TeenInk

I Really Want to Fly

June 23, 2011
By ArgonElement SILVER, The Woodlands, Texas
ArgonElement SILVER, The Woodlands, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
Question Authority.


I saw a bird on the road today. It was a beautiful color, a blue that made me feel like it was a piece of the sky, which had floated down to add some color to the flat, grey of the road.

It was still. Dead.

I closed my eyes, seeing the bird, soaring, wings spread to caress the winds. I imagined it dancing in the air, proud to be flying. Proud to be alive.

It looked broken now. Small and weak. As rumbling cars passed over it, and fumes were blown onto it. And I shuddered.

Never will it get the fresh taste of the clouds again. It will be chained to this Earth, this foul ball of dirt and smoke.

I stood staring, from the side walk. Watching the menacing cars, glinting and dangerous, cross over the pile of broken wings and feathers.

A dirty plastic bag caught my eye, as it fluttered, snagged by a twig.

My mind suddenly felt released of the clenching hands of my conscious and I walked over and ripped the bag free.

I cautiously looked down the road, left and right, an instinct which had been pounded into me by my elders. I wrapped the bag around my hand and walked toward the bird.

I reached out to the broken sapphire wonder and picked it up, gently.

I rushed back to the sidewalk, not wanting to become roadkill, my human cowardice taking over.

I put the small mass of blue feathers down by a tree and backed away from it.

Rest in peace. And in disbelief, I had reached up with the hand not clutching the bag and wiped my wet eyes.

I realize now. I was not crying for the poor bird. Even if it was now held to the Earth, it had already taken its flight.

My wish was that before the Earth took me, I too could lift my feet of the soil, and taste the clouds.


The author's comments:
My randomness knows no bounds.

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This article has 11 comments.


on Jul. 13 2011 at 9:50 am
ArgonElement SILVER, The Woodlands, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
Question Authority.

NinjaGirl, it is my dream that people are touched by my writing and that even if it is for a few seconds, they understand me. I am so happy that you made my dream, as cliche as this sounds, true. Thank you so much! 

on Jul. 13 2011 at 9:47 am
ArgonElement SILVER, The Woodlands, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
Question Authority.

Honestly, most of my pieces I just write and write and don't really look at what is going on in the story. I didn't realize it would make sense after I was done, but oddly enough it did! Haha, and thanks for commenting!

on Jul. 13 2011 at 12:44 am
NinjaGirl BRONZE, Valley City, North Dakota
1 article 0 photos 202 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing holding us back in life is our desire to stay where we are and not venture further.
~Some random person on the Internet :P

I think that with some revision, this could become a really, really, REALLY beautiful piece. It really makes the reader think! Even though it is a bit rough, it's still a hauntingly gorgeous work of writing that I will probably remember for a long, long time. Seriously, I'm trying not to ponder it too much because if I really analyze it I may end up crying. Great job!

on Jul. 13 2011 at 12:33 am
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

Those last lines add the punch to the story. I really had no idea where you were going with the bird, but the last line just tied it all up nicely. Good job! :)

on Jul. 10 2011 at 7:05 pm
JustAnotherOwl SILVER, Unknown, New York
6 articles 0 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
"See, we don't really care who you are;
Everyone is capable of looking up and wishing on a star.
So catch it, so contagious, this day-dreamer's disease,
And hope can be your sword, slaying darkness with belief."

"Sanctuary"- Paradise Fears

Yay for royalty! Ha.

on Jul. 10 2011 at 2:34 pm
ArgonElement SILVER, The Woodlands, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
Question Authority.

Thanks, thanks, and thanks! You are the Queen of Choppy Sentences and I am the Jack of All Grammatical Errors. Woo hoo!

on Jul. 8 2011 at 8:22 pm
JustAnotherOwl SILVER, Unknown, New York
6 articles 0 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
"See, we don't really care who you are;
Everyone is capable of looking up and wishing on a star.
So catch it, so contagious, this day-dreamer's disease,
And hope can be your sword, slaying darkness with belief."

"Sanctuary"- Paradise Fears

The last lines were, without a doubt, the best. Just beautiful. You are really talented. I thoroughly enjoyed this! (:

 

Some of the lines were a bit choppy, but it wasn't bad at all (I am the Queen of Choppy Sentences!).


on Jul. 8 2011 at 9:52 am
ArgonElement SILVER, The Woodlands, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
Question Authority.

Thank you Bushra G.!

on Jul. 8 2011 at 9:51 am
ArgonElement SILVER, The Woodlands, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
Question Authority.

Ha, even your critiques sound poetic!

And thank you. I honestly just wrote this without any intention putting it on the site, so it not one of my best pieces! The short sentences, ahh I don't know, I guess I'm just used to writing like that in my free verse poetry, I do that when in short stories to!


on Jul. 7 2011 at 7:22 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

This is a great story, but the short sentences kind of make it choppy.  A couple short sentences are fine, but too many and your story reads like a Ford Model T trying to start on a cold morning.  There's nothing wrong with a little description.  You also should have grouped the paragraphs together a bit better so they were longer.

on Jul. 7 2011 at 5:42 pm
Bushra Ghaniwala BRONZE, Oakbrook, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 14 comments

I realize now. I was not crying for the poor bird. Even if it was now held to the Earth, it had already taken its flight.

My wish was that before the Earth took me, I too could lift my feet of the soil, and taste the clouds.

Loved these lines. Nice read.