Shock | Teen Ink


July 24, 2011
By Shayna121 GOLD, Port Charlotte, Florida
Shayna121 GOLD, Port Charlotte, Florida
12 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul.

My head is spinning
Round and round.

My feet can barely lift
Off the ground.

My hands are shaking
Left and right.

My throat is itchy,
Sore, and tight.

My eyes are filled
With salty tears.

My heart is aching
With all my fears.

I feel the letter
Underneath my fingers,
Where the smell of you
Still lingers.

The author's comments:
Two weeks after my boyfriend died in Afghanistan, two weeks after I had been notified at least, I received a letter in the mail. A letter from my boyfriend saying that he couldn't wait to see me and he would have leave soon. I cried for a week. But this is a poem based off of the second stage of death--shock. It states the way I felt right after reading the letter.

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This article has 4 comments.

on Aug. 13 2011 at 12:29 pm
SecretFlame PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
20 articles 1 photo 373 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have a life. I just choose to ignore it."
-one of my friends

This is beautiful! You really put yourself into this poem. Short and heartbreaking. Great rhythm and flow. Good piece! Maybe if you wanted to lengthen it or add a bit more description you could put some similes or metaphors. Just a thought.

on Aug. 13 2011 at 12:22 pm
photolover26 SILVER, Napa, California
6 articles 16 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Live to the fullest, laugh your heart out, love forever."

I am so sorry! The way you put your emotions into words was a really beautiful thing. Amazing poem, and very moving. Good work, and hang in there :)

on Aug. 13 2011 at 10:52 am
Timekeeper DIAMOND, Cary, North Carolina
62 articles 0 photos 569 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A guy walks up to me and asks 'What's Punk?'. So I kick over a garbage can and say 'That's punk!'. So he kicks over a garbage can and says 'That's Punk'?, and I say 'No that's trendy'!"- Billie Joe Armstrong, Green Day

This is heartbreaking...:(

I could definitely see it getting into the magazine, you really put all of your emotions into this piece.

on Aug. 11 2011 at 7:32 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

I'm sorry for your loss; no one should have to go through that.

Anyway, this is a great poem!  It's simple, but is beautifully descriptive.  My only criticism is you should generally keep your stanzas the same length.  The last stanza with four lines was out of place because the other stanzas had two lines.