I think it first occurred to me when you grabbed her hand instead of mine when we were walking out of a movie theater. I said that’s a pretty bold move considering I’m your girlfriend and also, I’m standing right here, but you just laughed in that offhand way of yours and put both your hands, empty, into your pockets. I’m not saying I need constant attention or big fancy gifts (I didn’t say a word when you completely avoided Valentine’s Day this year) but shouldn’t I get some acknowledgement? Shouldn’t the world know that I am in fact your girlfriend and not just another of these “girl” “friends” that chase after you with their tongues wagging like there’s a frigging dog treat in your hand? That’s when I realized that maybe I mean so much more to you than any of these other admirers of yours that you won’t just let me follow after you; you care for me. You have feelings and after 18 years of keeping them bundled up so tight you’re scared to let them roam free. You care for me and so you’re scared of me. I’ve moved so far past the dreaded Friend Zone that I completely ricocheted around the planet Relationship and ended right back where I started. I am Friend Zoned. I am your girlfriend and I am Friend Zoned because I mean so much more to you than a simple wavering crush. Good to know. But you’re still never going to hold my hand in public.