nature disappeared | Teen Ink

nature disappeared

February 27, 2014
By hrish GOLD, Varnansi, Other
hrish GOLD, Varnansi, Other
16 articles 0 photos 11 comments

I can feel the wind against my chin
I can see the moon in its glowing skin
O the cricket's song
They are ready to sing all night long
I can see the stars twinkle in the sky
Up above the world so high
I can hear some kids cry and shout
I don't know what about
I look around and wonder
As i hear the thunder
Now its all a hush
Yet I feel a rush
There is no one around
Its a special joy i have found
I can feel the nght's bliss
But there is something amiss
It was a mango tree right ahead
I could see it from the window by my bed
It stood still in the moonlight
It had seen many a days many a nights
Had been standing there for ten years or more
I had been watching since I was four
Now I am fifteen
The tree has been cut , the area clean
A house will be made there
New people will be shifting here
I can still gaze out of my window
And watch the night's show
Like that tree many others have disappeared
Never to reappear
But I will have to rejoice with the rest
Live my childhood at its best



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This article has 6 comments.


on Apr. 4 2014 at 4:17 am
WickedDreamer PLATINUM, Salem, Other
30 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
The legacy you leave is the one you live

Good thought! Just that the poem's flow and feel could have been even better! Best of Luck. Keep writing! :)

on Mar. 13 2014 at 10:25 am
Promethean SILVER, Kanpur, Other
8 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind....

I think I had told you that i am not good at poetry so I wouldn't be able to help you out in choosing better adjectives and rhymes but you have to  take my adivice seriously because I am excellent at interpreting and your poem carries a good sense. i liked it, you can ask for better words from lucifer, azure blue and shadow wolf in the chat box if you ever can come across with them. They are good at poetry.

hrish GOLD said...
on Mar. 11 2014 at 3:33 am
hrish GOLD, Varnansi, Other
16 articles 0 photos 11 comments
hey thanks for the comment and criticism

OldYoungOne said...
on Mar. 10 2014 at 3:21 pm
I think you were so intent on making the poem have an end rhyme that you sacraficed the verbal flow of the poem. The message given is great full of awareness but still needs finihsing touches based on the cosmetics of things. Also stanza seperation and more use of puncuation could have helped organized the poem better. Keep Writing.

hrish GOLD said...
on Mar. 9 2014 at 10:23 am
hrish GOLD, Varnansi, Other
16 articles 0 photos 11 comments
please suggest some other lines that i should have used. And thank you for the comment

on Mar. 8 2014 at 12:48 am
Promethean SILVER, Kanpur, Other
8 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind....

I think you did not ended in a good way. At the end you just messed up with the words leading messing up up with up your excellent rhyme scheme. Not depressing you as its your excellent work bcoz you have given readers an awarness about the major problem f 21th centuary. LOL good work.